Lighting Of The Lost Ark

, , , , | Right | January 31, 2020

(Despite having a large lighting showroom, because of the high volume of products we carry, we often encourage customers to browse our many catalogues.)

Me: “Well, it seems like we don’t have what you need here in stock. I know that several manufacturers we carry do make a version of that item, though. Would you like to take a look through some of their catalogues and see if we can order something for you? It would take a couple of weeks, but then you’d get the exact look you want.”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(The customer proceeds to sit for over an hour, flipping through our binders. I run back and forth the entire time, getting new binders, putting away old ones, and pricing out dozens of fixtures she finds interesting. Finally…)

Customer: “I really like this one. I think it’s perfect. Can I see it in person now?”

Me: “Unfortunately, that particular item will have to be ordered from the manufacturer. The only way we can take a look at it now is in the catalogue.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! If you have it in your book, you should have it here!”

Me: “Well, by looking through the books, you’ve seen that there are tens of thousands of lights available. We’d have to have a warehouse as big as Raiders of the Lost Ark to hold them all!”

Customer: “This is stupid. I’ll never shop here again! What a waste of time!” *storms out of the store*

Me: “I agree.”

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What Would Jesus Discount?, Part 7

, , , , , | Right | December 31, 2019

(I work at the customer service desk of a department store. Customers normally come to me if there’s damage to an item and they want a discount. Two gentlemen come up to my desk with a metal framed futon, which has been partially opened, but still has the plastic straps around it.)

Customer: “This is open, and I’m not sure if there’s anything wrong with it or missing from it, so I was wondering if I could get 10% off?”

(I proceed to check if the amount is low enough for me to authorize myself. He and his friend are chitchatting, and I catch bits and pieces, but I hear that they are going to ask for more off.)

Me: “All right, I can give you the discount.”

Customer: “Which one?”

Me: “10%.”

Customer: “Can I get the taxes off?”

(I do the math, and it’s more than I’m willing to authorize myself, so I go find a manager. I explain the situation, and she says absolutely not. She says she wouldn’t even give the 10% as there’s nothing wrong with the futon, but I’m free to if I want. I go back to the customer.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, she’s only giving the 10%.”

Customer: “I actually work with the Royal Canadian Legion; I’m a chaplain there. Do you want to ask again?” *slides a business card towards me*

Me: “She’s not going to change her answer; it was a hard no.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks for trying!”

(He was all smiles from then on, thanking me profusely for my help several times. Little did he know that I am in a type of reserves in the Canadian Forces, so was not one for this to be tried on, and using Jesus to try to get a discount on a futon is just tacky.)

Related:
What Would Jesus Discount?, Part 6
What Would Jesus Discount?, Part 5
What Would Jesus Discount?, Part 4

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Not The Sharpie-est Tool In The Box, But A Tool Nonetheless

, , , , , , | Right | December 23, 2019

(I work at the customer service desk at one of the biggest department stores in Ottawa. It’s the night before Christmas Eve, and we closed about ten minutes ago. I have a customer come up to me saying the vending machine near our front doors ate his money. This would not normally be a problem; we would fill out a form, give him money from the till, and he would be on his merry way. The only issue is that he paid by Visa. I go to ask my supervisor what we should do; she just says to give him cash. I go back to the customer.)

Me: “My supervisor said to just give you cash, so just come on over to the desk and I can help you out.”

Customer: “I was checking my Visa statement and it said it took $6.00, which is outrageously expensive for a bottle of pop.”

Me: “My apologies, sir. I’ll give you the money back, and we’ll contact the vendor.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I always come to this store and this machine always steals my money. It’s been doing this for twenty years and this store never does anything about it.”

(Our specific location has only existed for about seven years.)

Me: “Unfortunately, we actually can’t do anything about it other than contact the vendor; we can’t even refill it. All I can do is give you your money back and contact the vendor.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I’m going to take a Sharpie and write, ‘broken,’ on the f****** thing.”

Me: “I can’t allow you to do that. If you just come over to the desk, I’ll give you your money back.”

Customer: “I’m going to grab a f****** Sharpie.”

(The customer walks away. I walk over to my manager who is watching the doors near the machine.)

Me: “There’s a guy who says he’s going to grab a Sharpie and write on the vending machine.” 

(Our head loss prevention officer — who has apparently been behind me the whole time, and is not a small man by any means — comes up behind me.)

Loss Prevention Officer: “No, he’s not.”

Me: “All right, then. I’ll just get his money ready in case he comes over.”

(I go back to counting my cash. The guy actually does grab a Sharpie, open it, and run towards the machine. Our Loss Prevention Officer stands between the customer and the machine, and then the man goes off on him and tries to attack him. He eventually gives up when the Loss Prevention Officer won’t budge, throws the opened marker on the floor, and storms out… without his money.) 

Loss Prevention Officer: “Maybe we should use the $6 to pay for the marker.”

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Fat Chance Of Getting Her Support

, , , , , | Right | December 18, 2019

(I’m working as a cashier in this story. We’re soliciting donations for a program the store runs. This conversation happens at the end of a transaction.)

Me: “Would you like to make a small donation to [Program] today?”

Customer: *eyeing me suspiciously* “What is this program?”

Me: “It helps to set up gardens and provide salad bars at schools so kids can have better access to fresh, healthy food.”

Customer: “Do I look like I care about fat kids?”

Me: “Uh, guess not. Have a nice evening, ma’am.”

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You Can Park Your Little Mansplanation Right There

, , , , | Right | December 3, 2019

(I work in the accounting office in an apartment building. I also handle parking. I’ve recently assigned a spot to a tenant. Note that I’m fairly new to this location and I’m female.)

Tenant: “I don’t like this spot. It’s too far from my building.”

Me: “I understand, but this is the closest spot available until someone moves out.”

Tenant: “But I want to be closer. I know exactly what spot I want. It’s [number].”

Me: “That spot is currently being rented by someone else.”

Tenant: “But I want it. It’s always empty when I look.”

Me: “They can rent it and not park there. It’s their money and their right. Or maybe they’re at work.”

Tenant: “Let me explain it to you another way.” *grabs a pen and paper off my desk* “Since you’re new, this may help.” *draws a rough map of the site layout and points to the spot he wants and where he is* “We’re in this building. I live here. I’m parked here. I want this spot.” *sits back with a smile as if he’s explained the universe to me*

Me: “Did you just mansplain my job to me?”

Tenant: “I… Well… A map…”

Me: “…does not change that [number] is currently being rented. Do you want to call them and tell them that you want [number]? I can arrange that meeting if you want.”

Tenant: “No, I just want it.”

Me: “No. You’ve mansplained it to me, as if I’d say yes now, and don’t understand that it’s unavailable.”

Tenant: “Will you call me when it’s available?”

(Apparently, my real feelings showed on my face, because he left quickly after that.)

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