My husband drives a lovely orange car, and I work in a soul-sucking retail job. One day, while I am at work, I see him finding a parking spot midway through my shift. About five minutes later, a customer grabs me and attempts to twirl me around to face her.

Customer: “EXCUSE ME!”

I icily turn to look at her.

Me: “What.”

Customer: “What? What do you mean, ‘What’?! That’s the b****iest greeting I’ve ever gotten from you, [My Name]! I’d think that of all people—” *gestures at my massive belly* “—YOU would be concerned about this problem!”

Me: “What is going on, ma’am? What problem?”

Customer: “If you were to park and have no parking spot, you’d definitely have a problem! A man just parked there, and you better believe I addressed that. But! He kept on saying, ‘I have every right to be here,’ but no. He’s. A. Man. Not pregnant! Can’t be! I don’t care what he has to say!”

Me: “Quick question, ma’am. Was he driving an orange [Make] [Model] car?”

Customer: “Yeah? So?”

Me: “Well, remind me to thank my husband for parking so close! And he is right: expectant moms’ spaces, unlike our store’s handicapped spaces, aren’t legally required!”

Customer: “What?!“

Me: “They’re just a courtesy! If I were driving, I’d prefer to park in the furthest spot possible, because at that time, I have the energy to walk! But when my husband picks me up from work, he’ll park in the expectant moms’ spot because I’ve had a long day and a short walk is appreciated.”

Customer: “But it… he’s not pregnant!”

My husband and daughter walk into the store. I wave at them, and they wave back but hang out by the bakery display at the front of the store, probably because they recognize the customer.

Me: “Again, the expectant mothers’ spot is not legally required and is a convenience for our expecting customers. As for associates and their family using the spot for a pregnant associate, as long as we don’t—”

Customer: “MEN SHOULD NOT! Be allowed to park in that spot! It’s unjust! Unfair!”

Husband: “As my wife and I explained to you several times, it is perfectly legal to take advantage of the store’s courtesy and park in that spot when it is reasonable.”

He puts his hand on my belly.

Husband: “And I’m sure that our son will have the same consideration for his wife one day.” *To me* “So, I’m gonna go do my shopping and hopefully, you’ll be done with work by then.”

Me: “Thanks, honey.”

The customer made an “Aaagh!” sound as she threw her hands up and walked away. I gave my husband and daughter a brief hug and sent them off to shop with a kid-size grocery cart.

A young boy walks into our store holding a gift card.

Boy: *To my coworker* “I found this on the ground outside. I think someone lost it.”

My coworker takes the card and scans it to see if there is any money on it. There is $15.00 on it.

Coworker: “Well, it looks like there is indeed $15 on this card. We can hold it to see if the owner of it comes back.”

Boy: “Okay!” *Smiles*

He goes back to his mom and tells her about his good deed. The mom comes over to us almost immediately. 

Mom: “So, what exactly are you doing with that card?”

Coworker: “Oh! We’re just going to hold it and see if anyone comes back looking for it. I’m sure they’ll be happy when they see it’s here.”

Mom: “So, you’re not going to let my son keep it? He found it!”

My coworker goes silent so I hop in.

Me: “You guys found the card?”

Mom: “That’s right!”

Me: “If you want, we can take your name and number, and if no one claims it in a few days, we can call and let you have it.”

Mom: *Sarcastically* “I don’t expect you to do that if it’s against your store policy.”

Me: *Confused* “Oh… okay, then.”

Mom: *Sarcastically again* “Thanks, [Boy]!”

The boy turns around and gives us another smile and thumbs up. I assume he didn’t pick up her sarcasm.

Mom: *Angry* “Should have just kept it and not said anything!” 

After they leave, my coworker turns to me and starts speaking sarcastically.

Coworker: “Oh, yeah, that’s nice. Teach your son to be dishonest!”

We were both surprised and angry at how the mom acted. She definitely didn’t set a good example for her son. I hope he still feels good for his good deed.

Related:
This Apple Fell Far From Its Tree, Part 2
This Apple Fell Far From Its Tree

I am job hunting and have just been invited to my first interview. I have also just been awarded my doctorate and am using my new title on my application. When I arrive at the interview, I am asked to sit in a waiting room with a number of other visitors and prospective job candidates. After a while, a receptionist enters.

Receptionist: “Doctor [My Name], they’re ready for you now.”

I stand up.

Me: “That’s me.”

The receptionist looks at me with a puzzled expression.

Receptionist: “Are you sure you’re Doctor [My Name]? Because you don’t look clever.”

Gee, thanks for the confidence boost just before the interview! She did later try to explain that she was expecting somebody more nerdy-looking.

Related:
A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 5
A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 4
A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 3
A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 2
A Most Unreceptive Receptionist

My mother has a story complaining about the one time she needed to work overnight and how my grandmother loudly complained because she was in bed at ten am, after she had gotten home at seven am.

We live next door to my parents and my son now works nights. One day, Mum complains that she came over to leave me a message and my son wouldn’t open the door.

Mum: “I knew [Son] was home because I saw him coming home at nine am, so I kept knocking but he never answered the door. Then I rang the home phone; he didn’t answer that, either.”

Me: “What time did you come over?”

She tells me the time.

Me: “You do realise that time is equivalent to two am for him?”

Mum: “He still should have gotten up to see who was at the door.”

Me: “He would have been asleep.”

Mum: “He could have gone back to sleep afterward.”

Me: “Okay, I will get him to call you tonight before he goes to work to apologise to you.”

Mum: “Good, what time does he go to work tonight?”

Me: “Two am.”

Mum: *Horrified* “He can’t call me at two am! I will be asleep!”

Me: “Exactly! Do you not remember that time you worked overnight?”

Mum: “Yes, your grandmother wouldn’t let me get any slee— Ohh, I’m doing the same thing, aren’t l?”

Our store is enforcing strict social distancing measures: mandatory masks, one-way system, hand sanitizer, etc. I am at the customer service desk serving an old man who is wearing a mask when I see a woman enter the store who isn’t wearing one. Since I am the closest member of staff, I call out.

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am? You need to wear a mask if you’d like to shop in-store today.”

She looks at me as if I’ve just cursed her mother and sneers.

Customer: “No way in h*** am I putting one of those on my face! I am medically exempt! My lungs can’t handle them!”

While some states have made lists of medical exemptions for wearing masks, ours has not, and our corporate policy is that everyone wears a mask, no exceptions. 

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I am going to have to insist. You must wear a mask to shop in our stores.”

She just huffs and marches into the store, ignoring me. I call the security guy and relay the information before returning to my patient older gentleman who has been waiting.

A few minutes later, I see the woman storming up to my desk, enraged. The security guard is close behind her.

Customer: “How dare you call security on me?! I have a medical condition! I have bad lungs! I don’t have to wear a mask! I am going to take your name and get you fired! This is harassment!”

Old Man: “Oh, shut up, lady!”

Customer: “What did you say to me?!”

Old Man: “Lady, I grew up in London when it was being bombed by the Nazis. We had to wear heavy masks for days in case they used poison gas; at the same time, I had to clear away rubble from my neighborhood. If you can’t wear a light piece of cloth for twenty minutes, then you’ve never known harassment in your entire God-d*** life. Now f*** off!”

The woman has tried to interrupt this old man but he wasn’t having any of it. When he finally finishes, she starts loudly screaming more obscenities, but the security guard is already escorting her from the building. The old man turns back to me.

Old Man: “For someone with ‘bad lungs’…”

He didn’t have to finish the sentence as we both smiled.

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