This happened last year during the lockdown. My mother-in-law lives with my husband and me. Her place of work was shut down due to the global health crisis, so she was home constantly for ten weeks, and tempers were running high.

I had ordered some stuff online, including some underwear for myself and some food, including grits for [Mother-In-Law]. She is the only one who eats grits, but she didn’t know I had ordered them; I did it as a surprise.

The order came as she was heading out the door to go to the grocery store, and for some reason, she turned to me and said:

Mother-In-Law: “I hope you get [contagious illness]!”

I took the cardboard canister of grits downstairs after I saw that she was gone, and I intended to put it at her place at the kitchen table. However, I was so pissed off at her that I slammed it down so hard that the canister broke open… so it ended up in the trash.

I consider it the best $3 or so I ever wasted.

My ex is a bit of a leech, and since he can’t drive, he often asks for my help driving him places. On the evening in question, his mother has been staying over with me to help with my daughter. She gets along far better with me than she does with him, and she’s sick of his crap. We are going to shop at a different store than he is, so we drop him off.

As we are leaving the store, my phone starts ringing off the hook with my impatient ex on the other end. (I call my former mother-in-law “Momma” as she has become my surrogate mom since my real mom died.)

Momma: “Looks like we have to go catch [Ex].”

Me: “Can I throw him back?”

Momma: “You already did.”

Me: “That’s true… Wait, no.”

I gesture to the daughter I share with my ex.

Me: “He’s on the hook for the next ten years.”

Momma: “Unfortunately.”

My husband and I travel together for work. I have to come home for some reason, though we don’t tell anyone I am coming back. I am sitting in my living room when I hear my front door unlock and open. My mother-in-law’s voice comes down the hall, but I can’t make out what she’s saying.

Me: “Hello?”

Mother-In-Law: “JESUS CHRIST!”

I meet her just inside the door, holding hands with a man who is not her husband. She drops his hand and stares at me.

Mother-In-Law: “What are you doing here?”

Me: “Well… this is my house. What are you doing here?”

Mother-In-Law: *Smiling* “Just making sure everything is okay. Since you’re supposed to be gone.”

Me: “We didn’t ask you to check in. Who is this?”

Mother-In-Law: “Don’t worry about it. We’re leaving.”

I called my husband later and described the man. He didn’t know who it was, so he called his dad. His dad knew who he was — the man [Mother-In-Law] swore she was not having an affair with.

When he filed for divorce and kicked her out, she tried to move in with us. According to her, the divorce was MY fault.

We changed the lock and got a video doorbell.

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When my husband and I were dating, his mother had a strict housekeeping policy. NO ONE was allowed to have alcohol or tobacco on her property — no exceptions. During one Sunday dinner at his house, [Mother] sat at her usual seat at the head of the table, said grace, and then looked at me.

Mother: “[My Name], I would like you to explain to [Her Younger Children, both girls under eighteen] why you brought alcoholic paraphernalia onto my property.”

Me: “Um… what?”

Mother: “You were drinking at [Restaurant] last night.”

She produced a receipt from the restaurant, showing I’d had one beer with dinner.

Me: “I also had a full meal and three glasses of water. I’m twenty-two; I can drink—”

Mother: “You know the rules about alcohol in this house.”

She removed my place setting from the table.

Mother: “You are not welcome in my house until you properly apologize.”

Me: “Where did you get that receipt?”

Mother: “It was in the car.”

Me: “You got in my car?”

Boyfriend: “Mom, why were you in her car?”

Mother: “Please leave.”

My boyfriend walked me to my car.

Boyfriend: “[My Name], I’m sorry. I’ll talk to her. Maybe next week—”

Me: “I will not be coming back here. I love you, but that woman is crazy.”

The next day, my boyfriend called and asked if he could move in with me. He had gotten into a fight with [Mother] over respecting boundaries, and she’d said that if he didn’t like the way her house was being run, he could leave. So, he did.

I also found out that [Boyfriend] had been paying $1,000 a month to live under her iron fist. His mother’s little stunt cost her that extra income and a relationship with her only son.

I live with my sister and her husband, who is not the brightest. He likes to walk around all the time with a flashlight on his phone and shine it on me and everyone else. It’s annoying as anything.

One day, there’s an authoritative knock at our door.

Police: “Police!”

Sister: *Opens door* “Uhhhh, may I help you?”

Police: “We received a call that there was a robbery taking place here. Show your ID!”

It turned out that a neighbor had seen my dumb brother-in-law flashing his lights everywhere and thought he was a burglar! You’d think he would have stopped after this, but you’d be wrong.