When my husband and I got married, we asked a few close friends and immediate family members to stand with us at the courthouse. The week after our wedding, my brother-in-law came over with his wife. 

Brother-In-Law: “We didn’t have time to give you your gift last week.”

Husband: “Oh, it’s okay. We don’t need anything.”

Brother-In-Law: “No, you do! You didn’t have a real wedding. You should have a real honeymoon.”

He handed over a brochure with two tickets for a week-long cruise. We were floored. These two are super cheap despite being successful and wealthy.

Me: “This is so nice!”

Sister-In-Law: “You’re going to the Bahamas! It’s in three weeks. I hope you can take off?”

Husband: “I think that’s enough time.”

Me: “Thank you!”

We took off work and went to port, excited to go on our vacation. Imagine our surprise when my brother- and sister-in-law were also there.

Brother-In-Law: “Hi! Ready to go?”

Husband: “Yeah.” *Pauses* “Are you here to see us off, or—”

Sister-In-Law: “No, no. We’re going, too!”

We boarded and learned we were in an interior room with no view. No big deal; it was a free cruise. My in-laws were in the next room. Once we were all situated, we headed out to the buffet. While we were walking around, I saw several signs about a seminar the next day while we were on the water. 

Husband: “So… how did you get this cruise?”

Brother-In-Law: “We won four tickets in a raffle.”

Husband: “Oh. Okay. So… okay.”

Me: “A raffle?”

Brother-In-Law: “Yeah, this company, [Time Share Group], was holding a raffle, and we won four tickets!”

Me: *Putting it together* “So, this is a timeshare thing?”

Brother-In-Law: “Yeah, but it’s easy. You just need to listen to some speech—” *the seminar I’d seen signs for* “—and you get the whole trip for free!

Me: “And if we don’t want to sit through it?”

Brother-In-Law: “It’s [amount] for the room.”

Husband: “You gave us tickets to a timeshare scheme as a wedding gift.”

Sister-In-Law: “No, we gave you a free cruise!”

Me: “Uh-huh…”

Sister-In-Law: “You don’t understand. It’s not a scheme.”

Me: “Okay, then.”

Brother-In-Law: “Wow. You are ungrateful.”

My husband and I attended the presentation and took full advantage of the open bar and buffet afterward, despite not being interested in any timeshare properties.

My in-laws told us they were sick at the time of the presentation, so they didn’t even go. They tried to argue with the presenting team that they could not attend, but they were billed for their room anyway. Then, they tried to convince us to cover half of their cost since we wouldn’t have been there at all if not for their generous gift. We declined.

A few years later, my husband and I finally had enough time and money to go on a proper honeymoon by ourselves.

I’ve submitted a few stories about my pain-in-the-rear mother-in-law, including this one.

This happened when the kids were still very young and before we changed our locks. 

My mother always had a bit of advice for the girls in our family: never mess with another woman’s man or kitchen cabinets. My mother-in-law never followed that advice.

I came home and into my highly-organized kitchen and couldn’t find stuff. Y’all, she had so messed up my kitchen organization.

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, I straightened your kitchen up. It was so silly how you had stuff arranged.”

Me: “EXCUSE ME? I had it arranged exactly how I wanted it. How dare you?!”

She knew this would upset me.

Mother-In-Law: “WELL! See if I ever do anything for you again.”

My husband, who was still in the fog at that time about his mother, actually fussed at me because, after all, his mother was just doing something nice. (He now sees it was just a control thing for her.)

The next week, while she was at work, I went into her house and rearranged her kitchen. I put pans in the laundry room above the washer and dryer and dishes under the sink, laid her utensils out on a cabinet shelf, poured the sugar in several old butter containers — you get the gist. When she got home, she came storming over, demanding to know if I was in her house.

Me: *Smirking* “Why, yes. I was so thankful for you reorganizing my kitchen that I wanted to thank you by redoing yours while you were working. It was such a mess, and I spent alllllllll day working on it.”

Husband: “Oh, that is so nice, isn’t it, Mom?”

She just spit out something and left. She never messed with my kitchen cabinets again. Game, set, match.

Related:
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The Preemie Clothes Are A Lie
The Room For Rent Is A Lie
The Cake Price Is A Lie

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Read the next Readers’-Favorite-Stories Of-2022 roundup story!

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My husband and I live in a three-bedroom, two-and-half-bathroom home. Our bedroom has a private bathroom attached that is only accessible by going through the bedroom. The other full bathroom is in the hallway; the half bathroom is downstairs. My mother-in-law came to stay with us for a week.

Mother-In-Law: “Which room is mine?”

Husband: “Either guest bedroom is fine.”

Mother-In-Law: “And where will you stay?”

Husband: “Um… in our bedroom?”

Mother-In-Law: “But that’s the master bedroom.”

Me: “Yes. Both guest rooms are—”

Mother-In-Law: “You cannot expect me to sleep there!”

Husband: “Why?”

Mother-In-Law: “I can’t sleep in the guest room!”

Me: “You are a guest.”

Mother-In-Law: “We’re family!”

Husband: “[Hotel] might have some spaces if you don’t want the guest room.”

She quieted down and slept in the guest room that night. Every morning, she complained that the mattress was lumpy and the springs hurt her back. Not sure how a memory foam mattress can do that, but she seemed to make a full recovery.

This is a story back from when I was dating the woman I would later go on to marry. It’s also one of several incidents from my life that made me wish that the ground would open up and swallow me.

Her parents invited us both over for dinner, and afterward, we sat in their living room having a conversation. The centerpiece of this room was a very expensive, very comfy, and very white set of twin couches.

A short while into the conversation, nature called, so I excused myself to visit their loo. Once my business there was concluded, I rejoined everyone on the couch and continued the conversation. A while later, I got up to freshen my glass, and as I stood, I noticed a vibrant blue stain on the couch where I had been sitting.

Instant panic! It looked exactly like the ink from a blue pen, and I often carried pens in my trouser pockets, so I thought one must have burst in my pocket. I quickly and surreptitiously patted myself down to confirm, but to my immediate and complete relief, I didn’t have a pen, so I confidently but apologetically pointed the stain out to everyone.

Me: “Oh, no! It looks like someone has spilled something on the couch! It almost looks like a burst pen.”

Well, dear readers, it was not a burst pen, and the truth was so much worse and more bizarre than that.

As my girlfriend’s mum examined the stain, my girlfriend looked at me very funny.

Girlfriend: “[My Name], what’s that stuck in the waistband of your jeans just above your bum?”

With growing horror, I reached behind me and found a small plastic device wrapped around one of my belt loops. It consisted of a plastic clip and the remains of a bar of some sort of detergent at the other end.

After a moment, the man who would become my father-in-law guffawed and shouted:

Father-In-Law: “Is that the toilet duck?!”

The toilet duck, for those who don’t know, is a small detergent bar affixed to one’s toilet by the aforementioned clip to clean and freshen the bowl when the toilet is flushed. Quite how it had managed to get snagged on my jeans, and how it did so without my noticing, I have never figured out, but that’s exactly what had happened, and I had been sitting on it since my return from the loo.

My mother-in-law was able to flip the cushion once everyone had gotten over the gale of laughter as, thankfully, the stain wasn’t on the body of the couch. She later redyed the whole set to her satisfaction, so I wasn’t out the cost of replacing their living room set.

This incident was referenced in the speech my father-in-law gave at my wedding, but I live in hope that one day I might live it down.

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My girlfriend and I, both women, are getting married next year. We’ve been planning everything, despite her mother’s attempts to intervene. So far, she’s thrown a hissy fit over the bridesmaids’ dress color, tried to change the floral arrangement without my girlfriend’s knowledge or consent, and tried to force her female cousin to be the maid-of-honor instead of the woman my wife chose.

Soon, everything comes to a head when my future mother-in-law tries to control the guest list.

Mother-In-Law: “You need to uninvite [Guest #1] and [Guest #2].”

Girlfriend: “Why, Mom?”

Mother-In-Law: “Because I invited [Woman], and we’ll be exceeding the number of guests allowed.”

Girlfriend: *Sighs and pinches her nose* “Mom, I told you not to make any changes. [My Name] and her parents are paying for most of it, and you’re not paying a cent. I’ve made some compromises already to suit her needs. Besides, she doesn’t know [Woman], and [Woman] has never liked me, anyway.”

Mother-In-Law: “But she’s my friend!”

Girlfriend: “Exactly: she’s your friend, not ours. We already got the licenses and everything, and if they find out we exceeded the limit, we could get in trouble.”

Mother-In-Law: “You and [My Name] only get so much say in how it goes! I told you not to get that disgusting color of green for the bridesmaids’ dresses!”

Girlfriend: “Is that what this is about? You just don’t like the dress color? Well, too bad. [My Name] paid for them, so she gets to choose what color they are. Personally, I love the color. It goes well with most of our bridesmaids. Now, Mom, I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

My mother-in-law just sighed theatrically and petted the cat while pretending to sulk.