Me: “Ma’am, can I help you?”

Customer: “What aisle is the truth serum in?”

Me: “Uh, we don’t have that.”

Customer: “So you don’t have any of that… sodium, uh… temperamental?”

I’m assuming she’s referring to sodium thiopental.

Me: “No, ma’am. That’s a controlled substance.”

Customer: “You got anything that’ll prove my man is cheating?”

Me: “I think that’s a bit outside our scope.”

Customer: “Do you sell tasers?”

Me: “Ma’am, maybe just talk to him?”

Customer: “I tried that! It didn’t work! Your store is useless!”

My high school algebra teacher asked me to hang back after class.

Teacher: “I’m convinced you cheated on the last test, so I’m failing you.”

Me: “What?! I didn’t cheat!”

Teacher: “You got almost every question correct, but you didn’t show any of your work. You must have copied the answers from somewhere. Tell me where.”

Me: “I did them in my head.”

Teacher: “What?!”

Me: “I did the algebra in my head.”

Teacher: “You can’t do algebra in your head.”

Me: “No, you can’t do algebra in your head.”

That was probably not the best response, but I was angry. I made a complaint to the principal, via my parents. When I demonstrated that I could complete a new algebra question in front of them without writing down my work, the teacher was forced to give me my passing grade.

Coworker: “Don’t go into the back storeroom anytime soon.”

Me: “Why?”

Coworker: “I just walked in on [Assistant Manager] and [New Hire].”

Me: “…oh.”

Coworker: “[New Hire] has only been here a week! She works fast!”

Me: “Wait, didn’t [Assistant Manager] interview her?”

Coworker: “Oh, wait. He did! Well, now we know why she got the job.”

Me: “You know [Assistant Manager] is married, right?”

Coworker: “He is?!”

Me: “You know he’s married to [Manager]? She works at another location, but they both work for the store.”

Coworker: “I have a feeling this might get a bit messy.”

Two days later, [Assistant Manager] pulls into the store’s parking lot in his usual sports car. As he’s walking into the store, we see a large pickup truck drive into the lot.

Me: *Looking out into the lot.* “[Assistant Manager], is that your wife?”

[Assistant Manager] turns around and looks into the lot just in time to see his wife drive her truck over his sports car. He runs outside, cursing and screaming. I look over to [Coworker].

Coworker: “So I might be on a chat group with some guys from the other location…”

I’m a young woman, working nights, stacking food onto a cart so I can stock. A guy comes up to me.

Customer: “What’s your name?”

I told him since it’s clearly visible on my name tag (and because I’m young and dumb at the time).

Customer: “Hi, [My Name]. Do you want me to be your man?”

Me: “No, thank you. I have a man.”

Customer: “And I have a woman. I can take care of you both.”

Me: “No, thank you.”

I take off to do my job. I don’t think much of it, as you get all sorts of weirdos during the night shift.

Three days later, a manager tells me there’s an ANGRY woman looking for me BY NAME.

Manager: “Apparently, you hit on her man?”

I didn’t wear my name badge for about three years after that.

Related:
Flirting With Disaster, Part 4
Flirting With Disaster, Part 3
Flirting With Disaster, Part 2
Flirting With Disaster

I’m a teenager working my first job in a fast-food place. I’m running around in the kitchen keeping a few jobs going at once, when I hear a commotion at the cashier station. We’re in a rough and low-income neighborhood, so we have a security guard at the door. He’s walking over.

Customer: *Shouting at the cashier.* “F*** you, you f****** piece of s***!”

Security Guard: “Calm down, sir.”

Customer: “You can’t f****** tell me to calm down! This mother-f****** needs his a** beat!”

Security Guard: “Sir, you need to leave right now, or I’m gonna make you.”

Customer: *Pointing at the cashier.* “You don’t f****** understand! This mother-f****** slept with my wife both times I was in prison!”

Cashier: “Yeah, ’cause each time I got out of there before you did!”

The security guard eases the customer out of the place, and my sixteen-year-old self got a very early lesson that older fast food workers in rough neighborhoods have got some stories…