Don’t Ask Questions If You Don’t Want Answers

, , , , , , | | Friendly | June 25, 2019

(My boyfriend’s best friend was a bit promiscuous during his teens and early twenties and, as such, has many past conquests and ex-partners in our small English village. One day, at a BBQ, [Friend] introduces his new girlfriend, who he met online. She is fairly young and naive, and spends the entire time insulting people without realising it. They have only been dating a short time. She wastes no time in cornering me and trying to inquire about [Friend]’s past relationships.)

Me: “I really don’t feel comfortable telling you about that stuff. That’s something you need to talk about with him.”

Girl: “Come on! It can’t be that bad! Just because you look like a slut it doesn’t mean everyone is.”

Me: “You really want the truth?”

Girl: “Come on! Just tell me! I need to know.”

Me: “He’s slept with her… And her… And that woman over there with the baby? They went out two years ago before she met her husband. He kissed… her… Cheated on her…” *names almost every female at the party* “Oh. And I’m pretty sure he and my boyfriend fooled around a few times when they were teenagers, too. Did that answer your question?”

(The girl ran away crying. I really shouldn’t have risen to the bait and given her an answer, but she made me so angry. Luckily, my friend saw the funny side. Apparently, he had disclosed all of what I had said before the party and had been completely honest with her. The girl had thought that he was exaggerating.)

Examining Your Examination Technique

, , , , | | Learning | May 17, 2019

(I am teaching multiple sections of a class, and there is a common time assigned for all sections to take exams. Some people have been allowed to register for another class that meets at that exam time, so I arrange to give them the exam as a separate group just before the main exam period. After giving the exam to the small group, I notice that one exam contains a name that doesn’t look familiar. I check our online homework system, and the name is there, too. However, the name has never been listed on the class roster. After contacting the company that runs the homework system, I have the following exchange with one of my students.)

Me: “I’ve noticed that your homework account logs in, gives the correct response to every question on the first try, and then logs out within five minutes.”

Student: “I know the material very well.”

Me: “I’ve noticed a different account that immediately chooses the ‘give up and see the solution’ option for all questions, logs out, and then your account logs in one minute later. For every assignment.”

Student: “It’s a coincidence.”

Me: “The other account has the same IP address as yours.”

Student: “Someone must be stealing my WiFi.”

Me: “During breaks, your account switches to an IP address in [Hometown]. The other account’s IP address changes to the same one at the same time.”

Student: “They must be spoofing it.”

Me: “The company says that this other account was paid for with the same credit card as your account.”

Student: “They stole my credit card information.”

Me: “You are part of the early exam section. Somebody handed in an exam with the same name as this account then, and one with your name was submitted during the regular section.”

Student: “I just decided to come to the big section that week. I have no idea about the other exam.”

(Obviously, I failed this student, and he promptly appealed the decision to my department head. Then to the dean’s office. Then to the university committee. Then to the provost. I spent two months on hearings, summaries, and rebuttals which were a waste of everybody’s time. The student retook the class, graduated, and went on to medical school!)

You Get No Credit For Cheating

, , , , , | Right | February 28, 2019

(I manage a station for a national grocery chain. I am trying to process a lady’s credit card so she can buy some gas.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but your credit card had been declined.”

Woman: “That’s not right; there is over $50,000 in that account.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the card has been declined. I ran it twice.”

Woman: “I demand that you stop pushing the decline button and approve my gas.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you need to contact your bank to see why it declined your card.”


Me: “I’m sorry, there is nothing more I can do.”


Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience.”


(She stormed off and I never saw her again. A regular that knew the woman told me that she’d had her money cut off by her husband because she had been cheating on him.)

Not Quite Doing It By The Book

, , , , , , | Learning | February 3, 2019

When I was in middle school, our district had a program meant to promote reading amongst students. Once you read a book you would take a short online quiz asking you about plot points and details from the book. If you scored a passing grade, you earned points based on the difficulty of the book. Near the end of the year, you could spend the points on prizes and the top students would sometimes get a field trip. These points were also sometimes used to evaluate teachers in the reading courses.

My class was reading the same book together, and every class period we would be given 20 to 30 minutes just for reading that book. I was the first to finish the book, so my teacher sent me to the classroom next door to take the online quiz. She told me to write down my questions and answers I received, as well. I missed only one question on the quiz, and following her instructions, I wrote down my answer, rather than the correct one.

I got back to class and explained this to my teacher. She scolded me for not giving her all right answers, and even let me know that she was “disappointed” in me. After that, whenever a student wanted to take the quiz, she gave them my answers so that everyone could use them to score well. The second student to take the quiz got the answer for the one I missed, so this means that everyone in the class got 100% other than me.

After she used me to cheat, and even chided me for doing it poorly, any trust I had for that teacher was ruined.

A Different Grade Of Thief

, , , , , , | Learning | February 1, 2019

When I was younger, I always loved reading. I still do, even though I don’t have as much time as I used to. In my school, we were allowed to quietly read after we finished our work, something I took full advantage of… at least until my grades started drastically dropping in one class.

I always did my work before I pulled out a book, so I was confused. A parent-teacher meeting was called, and my teacher told my parents that she hadn’t been receiving any papers for me. The decision was made to ban me from reading at all in her class.

I still did my work, and my grade in that class didn’t get much better, but since the apparent “reason” had been taken care of, nothing more was done until one day, when we had a new kind of assignment.

This new one was a magazine for kids with short informational stories. We then had to fill out a little quiz on the back of it. I turned mine in, went back to my seat, and waited.

Towards the end of class, the teacher read out the names of everyone who had turned them in… and mine wasn’t there. I knew I had turned it in, so I asked her if I could look through them, which she allowed. And about midway through the pile, I found it: my work, with my name erased and another name written over it. How did I know?

Well, once you wrote on those magazines, the indent would still be there, even if it was erased. I showed it to my teacher, pointed out the indents, and the person who stole that paper — and several before that — got in a lot of trouble. I had more problems with her, but this was the biggest stunt she pulled by far.

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