Time To Bite The Bullet, Part 4

, , , , , | Working | July 14, 2021

This is a story I heard from my senior about his boot camp sectionmate. One guy, having heard all sorts of horror stories about Potong Jalan, was desperate to avoid it. He somehow managed to get himself FIVE girlfriends, with the idea that, and I quote:

Sectionmate: “Even if one or two break up with me, I’ll still have three. No way after service I won’t have a girlfriend.”

I know, right? What a scumbag.

His plan flopped from the get-go, because all five girlfriends insisted on sending him off on his enlistment date, and when they all turned up, they realized he was five-timing them.

After the shouting match, [Sectionmate] went to his knees and begged.

Sectionmate: *Tearfully* “Please let me have all five of you.”

His harem wasn’t amused. Cue mass dumping.

Apparently, [Sectionmate] cried himself to sleep for his first week of boot camp. His platoon was all too busy laughing their guts out to console him. Even the officers were amused.

Related:
Time To Bite The Bullet, Part 3
Time To Bite The Bullet, Part 2
Time To Bite The Bullet

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Somebody’s Slope Is About To Become Much More Negative

, , , , , , | Learning | June 3, 2021

In my junior year of high school, I am put in a math class with a teacher fairly fresh out of school. She is by no means a bad teacher, but because she is new, she is a bit naive. For example, other math teachers usually create two similar but different versions of a test with different colors that alternate each row so that people can’t cheat, but she didn’t do this… at least at first.

It must have become obvious to her that people were sharing answers. On our fifth quiz, I am working on it and realize the girl next to me is copying my answers. Whatever, I don’t really care. But then, the graph on her quiz catches my eye and I realize that her slope is negative while mine is positive, and then it hits me: they’re different quizzes. I just let that ship sail and let her do what she wants.

Quiz scores come back and my classmate gets a zero while I get a perfect score. At parent-teacher conferences, we get to reminisce about that interaction, and I get to tell my teacher that I realized both that my classmate was cheating and that they were different tests and chose not to try to alert her, which tickled my teacher pink.

She started color-coding the versions after that, but she put a lot of cheaters to shame on the first one!

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Well, At Least He Learned Something…

, , , , , , , | Learning | May 29, 2021

Teacher: “For our next science test, I will award the person who scores the highest a $20 prize.”

To a ten-year-old kid back in the 1990s, this was serious cash.

A few days later, I went into the empty classroom during lunch break and spotted a stack of the aforementioned tests on the teacher’s desk. Devil horns sprouted out of my head as I grinned from ear to ear, snatched a test off the stack, and stuffed it in my backpack.

I figured the teacher would get suspicious of a C-average student suddenly scoring a perfect on a relatively difficult exam, so that evening when I was at home, I memorized that test forward, backward, out of order, sideways, upside down, and even made flashcards for myself. The following morning, I took the test, and the day after that — just as I was fully fearing — the teacher stopped me at the door as the class was filing in to begin the day and marched me straight to the principal’s office. After presenting her accusations and hearing my denial, they demanded I retake the test in front of them.

I wish I could describe the bewildered looks on their faces after the teacher graded my test, only for me to score another “perfect” score. The teacher then tried asking questions from the test out of order and then rewording the questions to trip me up into giving an incorrect answer. Then, suddenly, she flung the test down.

Teacher: “He’s not even hesitating to answer or taking any time to think!”

I ended walking out of that office feeling like Billy Bada**.

She later did give me the $20 — begrudgingly, with an “I know you did something” look on her face.

Does the story end there? Unfortunately for me… no. For the rest of the school year, every time a science test was approaching, the teacher would announce the date of the test, and would always end the announcement this way.

Teacher: *Ominously* “And I expect a certain someone in this classroom to score no less than 100%, or he will be in more trouble than he has even been in in his entire life!”

And for the rest of the school year, I made science my number one subject to focus 90% of my attention on, and I would spend hours frantically studying for each approaching test — far too terrified to score less than 100% each time. Once, I scored a 95% and nearly pissed myself.

Disclaimer: Cheating on schoolwork is something I now as an adult do not condone; you are only robbing yourself. I am only laughing at the humor of this situation which occurred nearly thirty years ago.

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Work Smart, Not Hard, And Fly Under The Radar

, , , , , | Learning | January 2, 2021

I studied computing at a local college as my secondary school didn’t have a sixth form at the time. One of my friends and I went to the same school and then went and studied the same topic at college and were put in the same class. We ended up working together on a lot of projects even when we were not really meant to.

This was especially true in programming; one of us would build the program (usually [Friend], as he was the better programmer) and one of us would do the program documentation (usually me). Then, we would switch and change it to match our personal style and method.

We always made sure they were as different as possible even though they essentially solved the same problem the same way.

We never once got caught for “plagiarism”. However, one day, everyone else in the class of twenty to thirty was called into the office of the head of computing.

They were given a first and last warning over copying, as the rest of them had found an example program online that solved the same problem and had just copied it with some minor tweaks to the source code.

They all had to redo their assignments on their own time as well as having their grades capped at a pass, while my friend and I both got 80%.

For those saying we cheated ourselves, etc., I knew I wasn’t going to go into programming — I just didn’t have the knack — and [Friend] could do the documentation, but we preferred to save a few hours a week and go partying, instead. 

He works at a university doing robotics and AI while I work as a digital marketing consultant, so I think we both did all right.

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I’m Not Sure You Can Fix This Much Stupid

, , , , | Learning | December 10, 2020

I’m taking chemistry. In an effort to motivate the class, our teacher has announced that if you turn in homework early, you’ll get extra credit points. Chemistry is not my strong point, so I start doing this to help boost my grade. She puts all graded homework in a “pickup” bin where we grab it before or after class. One day, I go to the bin and my homework isn’t there.

Me: “Hey, Mrs. [Teacher], my homework from last week isn’t here.”

Teacher: “That’s odd. I have your extra credit noted right here.”

She flips through her grade book.

Teacher: “Yep, graded and bonus points added. I probably just set it down and forgot to put it in the bin. Go start on the lab. I’ll run it over to you when I find it.”

I go back to my table and start setting up the lab. My lab partner, a known slacker, is furiously scribbling on a piece of paper.

Me: “Hey, you ready?”

Lab Partner: “Hang on. Just gotta finish the homework.”

Me: You are actually doing the homework?

Lab Partner: “You people doubt me!”

Me: “Because you never do the homework.”

Lab Partner: “I’m turning over a new leaf! Gonna try and do better this quarter.”

Me: “Wow. That’s great!”

I notice a piece of paper with very familiar handwriting sitting next to him. He looks at it, fills out a question, and squints at the paper.

Me:Hey!

Lab Partner: “This handwriting is terrible.”

Me:You took my homework!”

I reach over and grab the paper. He grabs it back.

Lab Partner: “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Me: “That’s my handwriting and my name at the top, dumba**!”

Lab Partner: “No, it isn’t!”

Me: “Oh, really? Watch this.”

I raise my hand and my teacher comes over.

Me: “Mrs. [Teacher], [Lab Partner] has found my homework.”

He tries to shove the homework under his book. My teacher intercepts him and hands it back to me.

Lab Partner: “I didn’t do anything! That’s mine.”

Teacher: “[Lab Partner], are you really going to try this?”

Lab Partner: “I found it in the pickup box, so it’s mine now!”

My teacher facepalms and sighs.

Teacher: “Good grief. [Lab Partner], you get a zero. Try that again and it’s in-school suspension for you.”

She walks away.

Lab Partner: “Well, that was stupid of me.”

Me: “You think?!”

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