Cheating On The Survey

, , | Romantic | October 9, 2019

(I have been filling out a survey with this customer over the telephone, with a little small talk in between questions.)

Customer: “You sound very attractive. Where do you live?”

Me: *gives vague geographical region*

Customer: “Oh, that’s a little far for me to travel, too bad.”

Me: “Okay, last questions! Marital status?”

Customer: “Married!”

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Two Egg Rolls, Some Chow Mein, And A Cheating Husband

, , , | Right Romantic | September 25, 2019

(I work at a food delivery company. I receive this call.)

Customer: “Hello, I would like to place an order. My number is [number].”

Me: “Right, that will be at [address]; is that correct?”

(There is a slight pause at this point.)

Customer: “Please repeat that.”

Me: “The address is [address].”

Customer: “Under which name?”

Me: “The name listed is [Other Customer] and the last order was on [date]. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “That’s the address of my friend.”

Me: “Oh, I understand. We can change that; where do you reside?”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “I’m phoning from my husband’s phone. There’s not supposed to be a listed address other than ours.”

Me: “I… I don’t know what to say.”

(I’m feeling awkward and I can hear the customer reaching the point of tears.)

Customer: “He’s cheating on me. I knew it!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “It’s your fault! You took it to them; you should’ve let them starve!”

(She hung up and I was left confused and feeling responsible for some reason.)

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A Touch Too Much Inappropriate Behavior

, , , , | Romantic | August 25, 2019

(I work as the office manager of an upscale spa. We’ve hired a male massage therapist who is fresh out of school. He’s a sweet guy, good at his job, and is quickly building a list of regular clients. I am working at the front desk when he comes rushing out of the back where the massage rooms are.)

Therapist: “Hey, uh, [My Name]?”

Me: “Hey, [Therapist]. I thought you had a client right now?”

Therapist: “Yeah, I do, but there’s a problem.”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Therapist: *leans closer and whispers* “She’s, uh, she’s started saying dirty things to me.”

Me: “She’s what?

Therapist: “I don’t know what to do! In school, they only talked about female therapists dealing with inappropriate people. She keeps saying how much I’m turning her on, and how she wants me to do things to her while her husband is getting his massage in the next room! I made up an excuse to leave for a minute. What should I do?”

Me: “The thing to do is inform her that her massage is now over. Tell her that we have zero tolerance for inappropriate behavior. If you don’t feel comfortable saying this, then you can go in the break room and I’ll tell her. We can also bar her in the system from making an appointment here again.” *sigh* “Unfortunately, we can’t directly tell her husband what she did, as it’s currently against company policy. But we can make sure she never does this again to any of our therapists.”

(The therapist chose to be the one to tell her he couldn’t continue the session. She came storming out to the front desk and pitched a fit. I told her she was no longer welcome at our spa, and that if she continued to carry on like that her husband was going to want to know what was going on. That shut her up. She sulked in the lobby until her husband was done with his appointment and made some snooty comment about not wanting to come to a “low-quality” spa like ours anymore. I checked with the therapist who had her husband, to make sure he didn’t pull the same stunt, and she said he was perfectly polite the whole time. We never saw either of them again, though.)

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In A Thrush To Dump You

, , , , , , , | Romantic | August 22, 2019

My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost six months and it had been going great until one day when I started to feel a little itchy “down there.” I made an appointment with my GP. I was so nervous, terrified it was a serious STD or something.

The doctor was very reassuring. She examined me and did a few tests. It turned out it was just thrush. As she could see I was still a little apprehensive, she offered to take some samples to send away for an STD test just for my peace of mind, which I agreed to. Better safe than sorry.

Thrilled that it wasn’t something serious like I feared, I took out my phone to give my boyfriend the good news. That’s when I found he had sent me a text. It read: 

“I know you cheated on me. You obviously have gonorrhoea and I know you didn’t get it from me. I obviously can’t trust you. We’re over. Don’t bother calling. I don’t want to talk to you ever again, you cheating whore.”

Stunned, I tried phoning him but he didn’t answer, so I texted him, frantically explaining it wasn’t an STD. I even sent him pictures of my prescription which clearly stated the medication was for thrush. I didn’t get a response. 

I was utterly devastated. We hadn’t been dating long, but we had been happy, or so I thought. However, I soon learned why he was acting so strangely.

A few weeks after we broke up, I received a call from a woman who said she was his girlfriend. How she got my number I don’t know, but she was furious, claiming that I had knowingly given my ex gonorrhoea, which he had then given to her. I explained that I did not have an STD.

When she didn’t believe me, I sent her the photos of my prescription which I had sent to my ex, the all-clear results from my STD tests, and screenshots of the break-up texts.

This led to several revelations. First, it seemed my ex and this woman had been dating for weeks before he broke up with me. He lied and told her we had broken up well before we actually did. When they found out they had an STD, he immediately blamed me and told her I gave it to him before we broke up, which I had just proven was a lie.

It also turns out that he reacted the way he did because he had been trying to find a guilt-free way to break up with me so he could be with this other woman, and decided my condition was the perfect way to do it.

Unsurprisingly, it became clear my ex was a serial cheater who had not only been dating us at the same time but other women, as well, which is probably how he caught an STD in the first place.

I never heard from the woman again, but I did hear through some mutual acquaintances I still had with my ex that the woman who called me immediately dumped him, and made a public post on Facebook outing him for being both a cheater and for having an STD. Sadly, I didn’t see the post, but I’m told it caused quite a stir.

It just goes to show that sometimes, people get their comeuppance sooner than they think.

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Don’t Ask Questions If You Don’t Want Answers

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 25, 2019

(My boyfriend’s best friend was a bit promiscuous during his teens and early twenties and, as such, has many past conquests and ex-partners in our small English village. One day, at a BBQ, [Friend] introduces his new girlfriend, who he met online. She is fairly young and naive, and spends the entire time insulting people without realising it. They have only been dating a short time. She wastes no time in cornering me and trying to inquire about [Friend]’s past relationships.)

Me: “I really don’t feel comfortable telling you about that stuff. That’s something you need to talk about with him.”

Girl: “Come on! It can’t be that bad! Just because you look like a slut it doesn’t mean everyone is.”

Me: “You really want the truth?”

Girl: “Come on! Just tell me! I need to know.”

Me: “He’s slept with her… And her… And that woman over there with the baby? They went out two years ago before she met her husband. He kissed… her… Cheated on her…” *names almost every female at the party* “Oh. And I’m pretty sure he and my boyfriend fooled around a few times when they were teenagers, too. Did that answer your question?”

(The girl ran away crying. I really shouldn’t have risen to the bait and given her an answer, but she made me so angry. Luckily, my friend saw the funny side. Apparently, he had disclosed all of what I had said before the party and had been completely honest with her. The girl had thought that he was exaggerating.)

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