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Congratulations On Dropping That Baggage!

, , , , | Romantic | January 1, 2022

I just got out of a horrible nine-year relationship. I had to flee, actually. In hindsight, the entire relationship was nothing but gaslighting, but I managed to reconnect with myself and got out moderately safe.

My ex has been on the verge of stalking since I left. I was still somewhat under his influence, I guess, right a few days after I ran away, so I agreed to have “just one last talk” with him two times. I had agreed on five minutes by the front door, but of course, it turned into more than two hours inside his house where I got extremely uncomfortable and very, very tired. It was nothing but telling me how much I hurt him and what a complete b**** he thought I was and always had been.

After I blocked his phone number and social media accounts, he started hanging around my workplace. I ignored him, got friends and colleagues to walk me home, and told him I would get the police involved if he didn’t stop. I made it very, very clear that I never wanted to see him again.

It’s blissfully quiet for a few months until he sends me a text from his work phone. Shoot, forgot he had that!

Ex-Boyfriend: “There’s still mail coming in for you.”

Me: “Leave it by your door when you’re at work so I can pick it up.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “It’ll get stolen. Come get it.”

Me: “Fine. I’ll come by and pick it up, but only that. You hand me my mail and I will leave right away.”

He agrees. I ring the doorbell on date we agreed on.

Ex-Boyfriend: “Just come in for five minutes.”

Me: “Okay, bye!”

I start walking.

Ex-Boyfriend: “Wait! This is really important mail! There are some other things you left behind, too.”

Me: “So give them to me.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “I just don’t understand why you have to be so hostile when I’ve been nothing but nice over this whole ordeal. Won’t you give me just five minutes?”

Me: “No. This is not what we agreed on. Bye.”

I walk away and he actually comes running after me.

Ex-Boyfriend: “Stop! I really want to give you your stuff back!”

Me: “Last chance, then. If I follow you to that door, you hand over my things and that is it.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Don’t scream at me. I still have to live on this street.”

Me: “Bye.”

I walk away.

Ex-Boyfriend: “No, wait. I’m sorry! I’ll get your things.”

He gets two little boxes but doesn’t hand them over. He’s suddenly shaking with anger and speaking really aggressively.

Ex-Boyfriend: “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?! YOU’RE SUCH A TOTAL B****! I COULD’VE JUST SET ALL OF THIS ON FIRE INSTEAD OF TELLING YOU I STILL HAD IT! YOU HAVE TO TALK TO ME! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO A DECENT CONVERSATION! I DON’T HAVE TO TAKE THIS S*** FROM SUCH A C*** WHO…”

I smile calmly, turn around, and start walking, calling the friend I’ll be spending the night with.

Me: *On the phone* “Hi!” *Pauses* “No, I didn’t get my things back.” *Pauses* “It’s okay, I know where we stand. I knew already, of course, but now I’m really sure.” *Pauses* “Yeah, it was…”

My ex comes running after me. I turn around.

Me: *To my ex* “NO.” *To my phone* “Could you stay on the line, please?” *To my ex* “You stop right there. You have absolutely no rights with me whatsoever. You never speak to me again. You stay away from me. As for my stuff, burn it for all I care. I haven’t missed it; it can’t be that important. Go away right now!

I turned around and kept talking to my friend. My ex actually continued to follow me to the end of the street, but I completely ignored him and he left. I blocked his work number, too. I haven’t seen him since.

Her Coping Mechanisms Rock

, , , , , | Friendly | November 12, 2021

My friend and I are travelling together and we pass by a New Age-type shop. Despite not being a New Age type at all herself, my friend is a sucker for these places because they usually sell the kind of jewellery she likes, so we go in. 

My friend is trying on rings with the help of the clerk, who’s making suggestions. All is going well, until…

Clerk: “Oh, I think this one would be absolutely beautiful for you. It matches your eyes and it’s got a wonderful energy.”

She points out a ring with a sort of blue-grey-green stone. My friend pulls away like she’s been offered a snake.

Friend: “Absolutely not.”

The clerk looks surprised.

Friend: “I, uh, I never wear labradorite. It, um… It’s brought me bad luck and I… don’t like its aura. It’s very pretty, but no.”

After we leave:

Me: “Since when do you believe rocks have an ‘aura’?”

Friend: “My ex once bought me a necklace with a labradorite pendant and lost his mind if I didn’t wear it every time I saw him. Since then, I can’t wear the stuff even though I do like the colour. But I’m not about to explain all that to a total stranger.”

Me: “What happened to the necklace?”

Friend: “I pawned it and gave the money to a homeless person. I figured it might as well do some good in the world.”

When You Are Your Own Worst Enemy

, , , , | Right | October 29, 2021

My spouse and I are renting out our condo and are looking for prospective tenants. We have an application form, and on it, we ask basic questions, such as monthly income, references, etc.

One lady came in for a viewing and had a rather entitled attitude from the start. She told us that she and her partner were going through a messy split and that she was looking at some places to live — the situation was made more complicated because she apparently part-owned a house with her ex. However, under the references part of our application… she literally put herself!

Her logic was that she didn’t have any since she owned a home, but I’m sure there would have been something else she could have put! We decided to not go with her.

No Need To Ex-Plain

, , , | Right | October 29, 2021

This guy is trying to get insurance information from his ex-wife over the phone. I am new to the pharmacy and don’t realize I can get it off of her profile. Not realizing she’s on speakerphone, the ex-wife says:

Customer’s Ex-Wife: “What kind of f****** idiots do they have working there?”

Everybody in the store hears her say it. The guy sees how embarrassed I am.

Customer: “That’s why she’s my ex-wife.”

A Girlfriend By Any Other Initial… Would Complicate Matters

, , , , , | Romantic | October 15, 2021

My new boyfriend has been married before, as have I. He has a beautiful tattoo on his shoulder of a scrollwork cross with his former wife’s first initial in flowing script. One day, we are just sitting and talking, and the tattoo comes up, since I want to get one eventually.

He looks down and speaks quietly.

Boyfriend: “I guess I should get that removed, right?”

Me: “Of course not! It’s a beautiful work of art and represents an important part of your life.”

Boyfriend: “But every time you see it, you’ll be reminded of her.”

Me: *Gently but grinning* “Honey… what’s my first initial?”

He thinks for a moment and then remembers it’s the same and laughs.

Boyfriend: “So, instead of [Ex-Wife] it can stand for [My Name]!”

We had a good laugh, but the weird part came later. I was talking with a friend who knows about [Boyfriend]’s tattoo. Even after I explained the coincidence, she actually argued with me that I should make him remove it to “prove his love” to me. I suddenly had somewhere very important to be and we’ve barely spoken since.