A seventy-something-year-old woman with claw-like hands, over-processed hair, and too much cosmetic surgery finds out at a cocktail party that I am a literary agent. Uh-oh.

She comes up and puts a claw on my arm. “I understand you’re an agent. I wrote a romance novel. It’s 700,000 words long. It might need some editing, but would you like to see it and maybe represent it?”

I tell her my specialty is business books, and that yes, she really does need to cut it down because the average romance novel is about 55,000 words. Trying to be polite, I tell her it is quite a feat to have written so much.

She says, “Oh, no. It was channeled to me by angels. I wrote it in just sixteen days! Why don’t you take a look, and perhaps you’ll change your mind about working with me? It’s very good.”

I’m at a gas station that has impressive quality coffee. I walk in and notice the worker brewing some fresh coffee. She tells me that it’ll be a few minutes and I say I’ll wait. During this time, a woman comes in and almost shoves me aside, despite there being plenty of room, but I’m too tired to care.

Me: “I know coffee is brewing, so it’ll be a few, but at least we get fresh coffee.”

Customer: “You mean to f****** tell me that every d*** urn is brewing?”

Me: “Looks like it. But fresh coffee!”

Customer: “Every d*** urn is f****** empty?!”

Me: “Um. I’d rather wait a few and have fresh coffee than have stuff that’s been sitting for hours.”

Customer: “WELL, THAT DOESN’T F****** MATTER NOW!”

A worker steps in and lets her get some coffee while it’s brewing. I wait for mine to finish and go up to the counter. She pays and tries arguing with the worker, so they open another register. I use a coupon and get my coffee free.

Customer: “WHY THE F*** DOES SHE GET HER COFFEE FREE?!”

Worker: “She used a coupon.”

Customer: “I WANT MY—”

Her friend comes and drags her away. The friend comes back and pays before marching out to yell at the woman. I think that’s the end of it until I’m at work the next day. I’m still tired so I don’t fully register that it’s the same lady from yesterday.

Customer: “I want your f****** manager.”

Me: “Oh. Um… May I ask what for?”

Customer: “You f****** know.”

I get my manager and clean my area. When I’m done, I ask my manager what happened. He tells me.

Customer: “That girl was rude!”

Manager: “What’d she do?!”

Customer: “She backtalked me at [Gas Station]!”

Manager: “Uh… was she in uniform?”

Customer: “No, but she’s rude and needs to be fired!”

Manager: “I can’t punish her for being rude off the clock and out of uniform. Did she say she worked here?”

Customer: “No!”

Manager: “Let me get this straight. You came in here, saw her, and got angry over something she did off the clock, and you want to fire her?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “Well, judging by just us talking, you’re lucky she didn’t f****** slap you for being so rude. Get out of the store.”

The woman sputtered and stormed out. She tried speeding off but hit forward instead of reverse and went right into a light pole. Karma!

Systems are in the middle of updating so everything is down.

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hello, I am calling to reschedule my appointment for tomorrow.”

Me: “We are experiencing an update within our systems and I am not able to do anything at the moment.”

Customer: “Are you serious? In that case, because of the customer service I am experiencing, I would like to cancel my order.”

Me: “Ma’am, I would cancel your order, but at the moment we are experiencing an update in our systems and I can’t do anything at all, including canceling an order.”

Customer: “Can you leave a message in my account to reschedule it in the morning?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I can’t do anything at all. You will have to call back in the morning.”

Customer: “I would like to talk to your supervisor right now. Is there anyone I can talk to that knows what they are doing?”

Me: “There is no one else here, and even if there was, they still couldn’t do anything because our system is updating.”

Customer: “I want your supervisor!”

Me: “Okay, fine, please hold.”

Supervisor: “Hello.”

Customer: “Hello, I would like to cancel my order because of the service that I have received from your employee.”

Supervisor: “Well, ma’am, at the moment, we are experiencing an update in our system so we can’t do that. If you would like, you can call back tomorrow and we would gladly cancel your order for you. I hope you have a nice night.” *Click*

Me: “Did you just hang up on her?”

Supervisor: “Yep, would you like to play a game called Bobby’s World with me?”

I am a paid tax preparer. In Minnesota, there’s an additional tax form called the M1PR Rebate of Rent and Property taxes. It’s a repayment of part of your property taxes, or part of the rent your landlord used to pay their property taxes.

It’s filed separately from your normal tax return, and the due date is August 27th of the next year.

It’s the last day to file your income taxes for this year. A client comes in with two sets of taxes, a full tax return for this year, and a rent rebate for last year. It’s not yet August, so there’s plenty of time to file the rent rebate for last year.

I’m getting many, many, many clients. Due to the health crisis, all of our major competitors are closed. We’re the only open tax office in the city.

I’m in triage mode. Many clients are bringing in returns from all sorts of years. This year, last year, three years ago, fourteen years ago… I’ve been letting all of my clients know that this year is the year where the due date is coming up, and I’m only doing this year’s taxes. Prior years can wait till tomorrow when we are still open but don’t have a deadline.

This client is having none of this. They insist on getting their 2018 Renter’s Rebate done right here, right now. “You should do one client at a time!” the client insists.

I pass the client to our manager, who tells the client the same thing. The client then walks out and insists that they’ll get their taxes done elsewhere. They take their unfinished 2019 income taxes with them.

I wish them luck looking for a CPA or other preparer who’s willing to do a prior year’s rent rebate on this night.

Related:
Taxing Taxing, Part 5
Taxing Taxing, Part 4
Taxing Taxing, Part 3
Taxing Taxing, Part 2
Taxing Taxing

This story is part of the Tax Day roundup!

Read the next Tax Day roundup story!

Read the Tax Day roundup!

I am working customer service, which includes answering the phone. It is a rule in our store if someone calls and asks for the manager to ask why, because frequently their problem or question is not something they actually need the manager for.

The phone rings; it’s an older sounding male.

Me: “Hello, [Store]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, hi, I’d like to speak with your store manager.”

Me: “Well, he’s not actually in right now, but—”

Caller: *Cutting me off* “Another manager, then. There must be someone there!”

Me: “Yes, sir, of course, there is. Can I just ask why you need a manager?”

Caller: “Well, I guess I might as well just tell you, then!”

Me: “Okay?”

The caller proceeds to spend nearly ten minutes complaining about the fact that ever since his wife died seven years ago, he’s been getting letters in the mail in her name, even though he’s contacted them to stop. The letters are from a charity organization that he says our store sponsors. I try to explain that even if we sponsor them, we cannot control what mail they send out, and he needs to talk to them to stop them sending him letters.

Caller: “I know you can’t make them stop; that’s not why I’m calling!”

Me: *Slightly confused* “Okay… Why are you calling, then?”

Caller: “Because it’s a waste of paper! Haven’t you been listening? They’ve been sending me letters for seven years! I don’t want them, so it’s just a huge waste of paper and money! They’re killing trees!”

Me: “I understand why you’re upset; that is definitely an awful waste of paper. But why are you calling us instead of [Charity Organization]?”

Caller: “Because you support them! And they’re wasting money sending letters to people who aren’t interested! They could be putting all that money to much better use. I just want you to tell your managers that what they’re supporting is a huge waste of money and they should sponsor someone else who doesn’t kill trees! Just tell them to call me back as soon as possible!”

He gives me his phone number and then hangs up on me. Sometime during the conversation, a customer has come up to the desk.

Customer: “What was that all about? You looked really confused.”

Me: “This guy basically just spent ten minutes ranting at me that another company has been killing trees and wasting money by sending letters to his dead wife.”

Customer: “What?”