My wife and I own a coffee shop. One day, a customer comes in and asks for a free cup of coffee because the last time she was in the drive-thru her coffee was “undrinkable.”

Wife: “Yes, of course. Can I ask what was wrong with your coffee?”

Customer: “It had the wrong amount of cream!”

She pulls out her smartphone.

Wife: “This is what your coffee looked like; this is what coffee should look like.”

She scrolls back and forth several times between photos of coffee from above.

Wife: “Your coffee. My coffee. Your coffee. My coffee.”

She apparently thought there was a universal amount of cream that should be added to coffee and we violated that standard.

This story is part of the Coffee Shop roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Tales From The Barista About Terrible Coffee Store Customers

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Read the Coffee Shop roundup!

I pick online orders at a grocery store. Customers forget to add one or two items to their orders all the time. It’s no big deal to add on a forgotten item to the order. I have just finished shopping an order and I call the customer to discuss an out-of-stock item. She is okay with my substitution, and she adds this comment.

Customer: “So, I couldn’t figure out how to add one thing to my online cart when I was trying to place the order.”

Me: “Okay, what did you want to add?”

Customer: “I believe it was the chunk cheese.”

Me: “All right, which type did you want?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was the chunk cheese. It wouldn’t let me add that.”

Me: “I can grab it for you and add it to your order. Which kind did you want?”

Customer: “The chunk cheese.”

Me: *Mental head-desk* “What type of chunk cheese did you want?”

Customer: “It’s buy-one-get-one.”

Me: “Okay, did you have a specific type in mind?”

Customer: “Yes, one mild and one sharp.”

I decided it’s not worth it to ask for a brand, especially since I can look for the BOGO price tag.

Me: “Okay, I will grab that for you.”

Customer: “Are you able to add that to my order?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yes. I will add one mild cheddar and one sharp cheddar chunk cheese that’s BOGO to your order. Is there anything else you would like to add?”

Customer: “No, that was it.”

Me: *Internally* “Thank God for that.”

I work for the fire department. I get this call from the public.

Caller: “Can you come and cut down the branches from a tree in my yard?”

Me: “No, sir, we do not do branch—”

Caller: “But my kids could die! You’re supposed to save lives, not kill people.”

Me: “Our staff is not trained in the proper way to remove branches. We suggest you call an arborist since they have the proper training and equipment.”

Caller: “But I pay your salary, not theirs. You are required to help me!”

I work in a bakery inside a large grocery chain. This exact conversation happens multiple times weekly.

Me: “Welcome to [Bakery]; how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for some bread.”

I point to our large wall of bread they’re standing mere feet from.

Me: “Of course! We have a large selection of bread for you here. Any particular sort of bread you’re looking for?”

Customer: “The kind for sandwiches.”

Granted, this conversation would be a minor inconvenience, were it not for the fact that no customers can come to a consensus on exactly what bread is “the kind for sandwiches.”

Related:
Breaking Bread With Bad Customers

This story is part of our Bread roundup!

Read the next story in this roundup!

Read the Bread roundup!

A customer calls in wanting to discuss his cable bill.

Customer: “So, next month I will have ten years of history with you guys?”

Me: “Yes! Ten years on May eleventh.”

Customer: “Okay. I am going to need ten years of credits for all the foreign-language channels you’ve been sending me for a decade.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our channel bundles don’t work that way. Only premium channels are a la carte. The rest are in bundles so we can’t credit for what you are asking.”

Customer: “Okay. I’ll speak to an attorney.” *Hangs up*