Hopefully, They Don’t Have Identity Theft In Heaven

(I’m calling the government on behalf of a widow whose deceased husband’s identity has been stolen.)

Me: “I need to put a hold on a Social Security number. There is a case of identity theft, and the man has been deceased for two years.”

Federal Employee: “I am sorry, but I have to speak to the taxpayer directly to hear it from them that their identity has been stolen and they did not file this return.”

Me: “But he is deceased.”

Federal Employee: “Is there anyway you can have him call us? It’s really the only way we can help you.”

Me: “Ummmm… I have a power of attorney from his wife, but no, I can’t have him call you. He’s deceased.”

Federal Employee: “That won’t help you. He has to call himself. His wife can’t answer for him. Get him to call us, and we can straighten it out.”

Me: “So you want me to get the taxpayer, who is deceased, to call you so we can get this fixed?”

Federal Employee: “Yes, you finally get it!”

Me: “Do you perchance have a ouija board available, because you are going to need it!  Can I talk to a supervisor?”

(I did get the problem fixed with the supervisor, but not before going through the entire unreasonable line of logic again. Ultimately, I had to say, “He’s dead. He was cremated and I don’t think I can assemble him again just so he can call.”)

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