I’m in a subway carriage going home after a long day of work. Luckily, it’s not crowded. A woman about sixty years old gets in and sits more or less opposite from me. 

After a minute, staring at no one in particular, she loudly asks the void:

Older Lady: “Is this the red one?”

Our subway system has different colors on the outside of the carriages for different lines, but they’re usually referred to by numbers or by destination. I’m blanking on which color is which line, but a passenger next to me answers.

Passenger #1: “Yes, it’s Line 1.”

A couple of minutes go by, and we pass a station with several signs indicating a line exchange to Line 2. She pipes up again, staring at some point a meter above my head.

Older Lady: “Does this go to [Station A]?”

That’s the endpoint of Line 2.

Me: “No! It’s going to [Station B].”

Passenger #1: “No, for [Station A], you’d have to change lines.”

Passenger #2: “I’m going in that direction; I’ll change lines at the next station. I can show you the way!”

Older Lady: “No, no. I’m going to [Station C].”

This is located on this line and in the direction we’re headed.

Me: “Okay, then you’re on the right train!”

Older Lady: “Nah, you are all wrong. This is headed to [Station A].”

Passenger #1: “What? No, it’s headed to [Station B]!”

Passenger #2: “This is Line 1, in [Station B]’s direction. It will pass through your station.”

The older lady replies, still looking at no one:

Older Lady: “No. It’s you guys who’ve got the wrong train!” *Harrumph*

Thinking to myself, “Lady, why the f*** did you ask, then?”, I decided there was no point in trying to help her and went back to scrolling social media on my phone; the other two passengers soon did the same. 

Interestingly, although she seemed so convinced that we were giving out the wrong information, she did as instructed and kept on until [Station C], and she exited while avoiding my and [Passenger #1]’s pointed looks.

Client: “I watched the instructional video you prepared, and I am able to add and publish a post. How do I get the new post to appear on the navigation menu?”

Me: “You watched the video from beginning to end?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, scroll to 6:30 on it.”

Client: “Okay.”

Me: “The title should read ‘How to Make a New Post Appear’.”

Client: “Right.”

Me: “Now finish watching the video.”

I work at a restaurant/bar. An electrical circuit breaks, so our cash register, fridges, lamps, and stereo stop working. We have about ten minutes left until we are going to call our last round anyway, so we tell everyone the situation.

Me: “We’re trying to get the cash register to work as soon as possible so that you can pay.”

While we fix it, three men walk up to the bar.

Me: “Hi. I’m sorry, but we have closed the bar because we are closing soon.”

I personally told them that we had closed the bar just ten minutes ago.

Customer #1: *Ignoring me completely* “Well, I would like a Carlsberg.”

Customer #2: “How long are you open?”

I’m looking at them and can’t understand what they actually said.

Me: “Oh, maybe you didn’t hear me… We just closed the bar.”

Customer #2: “But you can still order… can’t you?”

Me: “No, we are closed. We are not selling anymore.”

Customer #2: “Oh… I understand… bye.”

It was so weird because it felt like talking to a wall.

Related:
Not So Closed Minded, Part 32
Not So Closed Minded, Part 31
Not So Closed Minded, Part 30
Not So Closed Minded, Part 29
Not So Closed Minded, Part 28

About twice a year or so, the beauty department I work in will get completely rearranged to make way for new products and brands. It’s an extremely tedious process because, usually, we clean off all the shelves while we’re at it.

The pusher trays used to hold things like lipstick are notoriously hard to clean, so I get the idea to use compressed air to get the dust out. It works amazingly, and my coworkers go and grab their own cans. 

Me: “You know how to use it, right?”

Coworker: “Yeah. I mean, it’s pretty self-explanatory.”

He then proceeds to shake the can. 

Me: “Stop! What are you doing?”

Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Look at the can and read the warning label.”

Coworker: “‘Warning, pressurized air. Do not shake for risk of bodily injury.’ Oh.”

I’m doing a rotation in a Veterans Affairs Hospital as an optometry student right now, so most of the patients I see are older and “wiser”.

An eighty-three-year-old in suspenders comes in because he failed the vision portion of his driver’s test. New glasses are given, and then the patient is THOROUGHLY educated on the importance of wearing his glasses while driving; without them, he would be driving illegally. He says he gets it.

A few days later, he comes back for the dilated portion of his eye exam. I ask him to put on his glasses.

Patient: “Didn’t bring ’em.”

Me: “Did you drive here today?”

Patient: “Yes.”

Me: “Remember that we told you it was illegal for you to drive without your glasses?”

Patient: “I see better without them.”

Me: “Did you pass your driver’s test?”

Patient: “Yes.”

Me: “Were you wearing your glasses?”

Patient: “Yes.”

Me: “So, if you passed the test while wearing the glasses but failed it while not wearing them, you understand that you must wear your glasses to drive legally with an unrestricted license?”

Patient: “I don’t have any restrictions on my license!”

He pulls out his license to show me.

The rest of the exam is basically me trying to explain why he’s got to wear the bottlecaps and him telling me that he’s never been in a car accident, that he’s driven across the US through all but three states, and that he drives much better than his buddy who wears glasses.

As I am checking him out:

Patient: “Are you going to turn me in?”

Me: “You are legal to drive with an unrestricted license as long as you wear your glasses. You’re going to get a buddy to pick you up today, and you’re going to come back for your car later while wearing glasses, right?”

Patient: “Right.”

The VA motto is “Respect Your Veterans.” I wrote in his chart that I educated him THOROUGHLY again and that he understood… because the unwritten VA motto is “Cover Your A**.”