(Our shop sells a lot of space-themed items, including a good deal of Star Wars merchandise. I am approached by two guys in their early 20s.)

Guy #1: “Excuse me, miss, but we’re about to get kicked out of your store.”

Me: “For what?”

Guy #2: “Lightsaber fighting!”

(They turn to a Star Wars display, each take a lightsaber off the rack, and spend a second figuring out how to turn them on. Right away, I duck behind the registers and return with two open lightsabers we have behind the counter from returns.)

Me: “Here, try some without the packaging.”

Guy #1: “SWEET!”

(They activate the lightsabers and proceed to have a high-energy duel in the middle of the shop, to the amusement of my coworkers and the other customers. When one wins, they deactivate and hand the lightsabers back to me.)

Guy #2: “Best. Store. Ever.”

(They left without buying anything, but with huge smiles on their faces!)

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(Skyrim, a popular video game, has just been released. As a result, we are overwhelmed by people who have come to retrieve pre-ordered games and others who haven’t pre-ordered. We’ve just run out of non-pre-ordered games when a customer comes in. He’s holding an empty Skyrim box.)

Customer: “Oh, hi. I would like to buy Skyrim on PC, please.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, we’ve just run out of it. The only ones we have left are pre-ordered.”

Customer: “Aw, come on, man! You must have some left in the back! Please, go check!”

Me: “No, I’m sure we ran out of those. Same for PS3 and Xbox versions. Come back tomorrow morning; we’ll be resupplied.”

(He moans about it for at least 5 minutes before giving up and begins wandering around the store. At this moment, another customer comes in to retrieve a pre-ordered PC version of Skyrim. Before we can say or do anything, the first customer LEAPS on the man, snatches the game from his hands and runs away, with me in tow followed by security. During the chase, the thief screams as if we are going to murder him.)

Customer: “LEAVE ME ALONE, IT’S MINE! IT’S MYYYYYYYYYYYY GAME!”

(A few meters later, he crosses the path of a tall man who, seeing and hearing the commotion, screams something to the thief. The tall man then rams the thief with his shoulder, sending the poor kid fly backwards and landing a least half a meter away. As the thief is being taken away by security and I’m retrieving the game box, I talk to the tall man.)

Me: “Sir, what did you yell to him before grabbing him?”

Tall Man: “Promise you won’t laugh?”

Me: “Okay.”

Tall Man: “FUS RO DAH!”

(FYI, “Fus Ro Dah” is a spell in Skyrim that allows players to violently push enemies and objects around. I couldn’t avoid laughing, and neither could he!)

(My boyfriend and I are in the library studying. I’m working on a philosophy paper that needs an example where someone is guilty but not responsible.)

Me: “Hey, honey, what mistake could someone make driving a train that would crash it?”

Boyfriend: “What kind of train is it?”

Me: “Just in general, like accidentally changing trains or something.”

Boyfriend: “That wouldn’t happen. What kind of train, though?”

Me: “It doesn’t matter. It just needs to crash.”

Boyfriend: “But what kind of train? Depending upon what kind of train, it could malfunction…”

Me: “SHELDON! I just need to crash a train.”

Boyfriend: *quieter* “I like trains.”

(For the record, my boyfriend is a physics major. “The Big Bang Theory” is scarily accurate.)

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(I work at a video rental store and near our check out we have the boxed set of Star Wars on Blu-ray.)

Customer: “Oh my God, Star Wars on Blu-ray! I love this movie so much!  I like how in the new ones, they put in the new Anakin Skywalker in the scene with the Jabberwockys on Earth!”

Me: “…you mean Ewoks on Endor?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, that’s what they’re called…”

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(I was working in the call center of a telco, troubleshooting and resolving faults in mobile phone handsets and modems.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to return a faulty modem.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with the modem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t contact the mothership.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “This modem. It’s faulty. I cannot contact the mothership with it!”

Me: “Um, [company] has never offered nor guaranteed intergalactic coverage.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll just take it back to the shop.” *hangs up*