Client: “I’ve noticed that the ‘Appearances’ link is misspelled throughout the site. Can you fix that?”
Me: “All done. Anything else I can take care of while I’m here?”
Client: “Can you change the link name from ‘Appearances’ to ‘Events’?”
I’m buying a couch from a big box store. As I’m checking out, I also grab a bag of candy.
Me: “Excuse me. It scanned for $1,200, but it was on sale for $1,000.”
Clerk: “Which item?”
Me: “Not the licorice.”
I work at a fine-dining steak restaurant. One evening, I get to serve Mr. Charcoal — not his real name, obviously, but read on.
Customer: *Snapping his fingers as I walk past* “Excuuuuuuse me! I asked for my steak well done, and this is practically bleeding!”
The steak is very much well done, but hey, the customer is always right and all that crap. I bring the steak back and it’s fired up to what our chef calls “very well done.” I bring it back out, and Mr. Charcoal stabs it with his fork.
Customer: *Snapping his fingers even though I am standing right there* “Excuuuuuuse me! Is this some kind of sick joke? This is medium-rare at best! Do I need to speak to a manager?”
Apologies and whatnot. I bring the steak back, and this time it’s fired up to the point where it’s on the verge of being burnt. I bring it back out. No dice.
Customer: “That’s it! Get me your manager now!”
The manager is called and immediately recognizes Mr. Charcoal. He’s a problem customer, apparently.
Manager: “Mr. Charcoal, what is your problem this evening?“
Customer: “Your chef is mocking me! I asked for a well-done steak, and I get this! What is this?!”
Manager: “That looks like a piece of charcoal to me.”
Customer: “This is an insult! I insist you fire your chef!
Manager: “No, sir, I will not be firing my chef.”
Customer: “Why not?!”
Manager: “Because that man has been making me quality steaks for years, and the only thing you have been making me for years is questioning why, oh, why, out of the billions of sperm that made it, it had to be you.”
The customer made a complaint. My manager told the owner what happened. The owner said that, since we were a steak restaurant and the customer wanted something three levels past the point where it stopped being a steak and became something more like jerky, there was nothing he could do.
I love both of them.
This story is part of our Editors’-Favorite-Stories-Of-2023-(so far!) roundup!
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I moved and had new cable and Internet service turned on at my new place. The struggle of getting it installed is its own story for another time; this story is about trying to pay the bill.
When I first started service, I got a welcome email. It invited me to sign up for an online account. I attempted to do that, but the online system required me to provide a PIN. This PIN is printed on your bill. Obviously, I had not yet received a bill, so I could not create an online account. There was no alternate workaround.
Time goes by, and I get an email notifying me that my first bill is due. Apparently, by default, you are enrolled in paperless billing. The email invites me to pay my bill by creating an online account… which I cannot create because I’ve never received a copy of my bill.
I call customer service, and there is a $5 fee if you pay your bill through the phone system. I select the option to talk to a representative. The first thing she asks after confirming my name and address is for is the PIN printed on the top of my bill.
Me: “That’s why I’m calling; I’ve never received a bill and thus don’t have the PIN and cannot create my online account to pay my bill.”
Representative: “No problem. You can pay your bill with me, but I do need to notify you there will be a $5 convenience fee.”
Me: “I shouldn’t be penalized for never receiving a bill or a way to set up an online account.”
Representative: “You did receive an email with your bill.”
Me: “No, they emailed me a notification, but no bill is attached.”
Representative: “There is a link in the email to pay.”
Me: “Yes, and the link takes you to the website to set up an online account.”
Representative: “Yes, that’s what you need to do.”
Me: “The online system asks for the PIN number to create an account.”
Representative: “Yes, it’s printed on the top of your bill.”
Me: *Long pause* “That. I. Never. Received.”
Representative: *Long pause* “So… I can waive that $5 fee for you to pay your bill today if you would like.”
I paid my bill, and she switched me to paper billing for the next cycle. We shall see if I’m ever able to set up that online account.
Related:
PIN-Headed, Part 22
PIN-Headed, Part 21
PIN-Headed, Part 20
PIN-Headed, Part 19
PIN-Headed, Part 18
I work in the hunting department of a sporting goods store. A woman comes up to me.
Customer: “Where can I find the perfume?”
Me: “We’re a sporting goods store; we don’t sell perfume.”
Customer: “No, you do! A friend of mine got some here a few weeks ago! It had a picture of a deer on it!”
I finally realize what her friend bought.
Me: “That’s not perfume.”
Customer: “What is it?”
Me: “Deer urine.”
Customer: “Is that French?”
I tried to explain this to the woman, but she refused to listen to me and bought three packs.
