I work in the Member Service Department in a call center. So, naturally, when a certain health crisis hits, my company immediately decides to move everyone who was able to work from home, including our entire department.

Cut to a couple of weeks later. My cat has gotten used to me being home all the time but not quite that I have to work and I am not there to pet and give her attention at all times. Today, I am finishing up a call with an older member. The call is difficult and I have been on the phone with her for about a half-hour now. I think I have managed to save the situation by being a model of professionalism. Then, this happens.

Me: “Once again, thank you for your patience, Mrs. [Caller], and for allowing me to assist you. Again, I apologize that this has occurred.”

Caller: *Still agitated* “I am still not very happy! But you at least sound like you know what you’re doing, so I believe you did everything you could.“

I heave a sigh of relief. My cat chooses this exact moment to jump onto my desk… and meow as loudly as she can into the mic.

Cat: “Mreow!”

Cue about five seconds of silence.

Caller: *Laughing* “Oh, my! Is that your cat? Oh, that is just the cutest! You’ve made my day! Oh, my.”

She is still laughing as she hangs up.

Cat: “Mreow?“

Me: “Really?“

It’s been almost two years now. She still interrupts my calls, but I have become much quicker at hitting the mute button.

It’s closing time. There are two older teenagers still left in the store and making no attempts at leaving. As a manager, I approach them to let them know we’re closing.

Customer #1: “No speak English.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, no speak.”

This is normal. In addition to being a big tourist area, especially for Central and South Americans, my area is mostly Hispanic. Unfortunately, I’m a gringa and my Spanish still leaves something to be desired. I ask a coworker to let them know.

Coworker: “Lo siento, pero la tienda está cerrando.” *I’m sorry, but the store is closing.*

Customer #1: “No speak.”

They have clearly been speaking Spanish to each other, and [Coworker] and I have both overheard this, so we know they are playing dumb so they don’t have to leave. While [Coworker]’s normal customer service is the best I’ve ever seen, he’s also known for not suffering fools and for having the ability to say things the average customer service representative could not get away with (even me).

He looks at me for silent approval to escalate; I nod. He continues, in English, no less:

Coworker: “I’m going to call security. Do you speak that?”

The boys left. Fast.

Last week, I traded in my old vehicle and bought a used one from a well-known local dealership. The vehicle was recent and had 10,600 miles on it. I signed the papers and went home. The next day, I got a call.

Caller: “Hello, this is [Dealership]. I understand you have a 2019 [Vehicle] with 10,600 miles on it?”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

I was wondering if there was something wrong with it.

Caller: “Well, we are looking for those cars and I would like to offer you a great trade-in.”

Me: *Pauses* “Sir, I bought this car yesterday. From your dealership.”

Caller: *Pauses* “Sorry. Congratulations on your new purchase.” *Click*

They called my dad twice more the same day, offering us a trade-in on the vehicle we’d just purchased. Clearly, the Sales and Purchasing departments at that dealership don’t talk to each other!

I’m the closing manager one night and, when the time comes, one lady will just NOT LEAVE. Several employees have told her we are closed, but after fifteen minutes, she is still browsing. As I’m about to approach her again, one of my coworkers comes up to her.

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we’re closed for the evening.”

The woman ignores him.

Coworker: “Could you at least, you know, pretend to walk toward the exit?”

My eyes go wide at overhearing this. This worker’s customer service skills are usually sublime, and he’s probably one of the best, most dependable workers I’ve ever seen. The woman “hmphs!” and storms straight to the register.

The cashier on duty is only in high school, but he’s big, tall, and happens to be dressed up from a presentation he did at school earlier. The woman is tearing him a new one about what [Coworker] said. As I approach to go rescue him, he makes eye contact with me and subtly shakes his head, indicating to stay back for now, so I do. The woman gets through with her tirade and leaves a couple of minutes later. [Coworker] and approach.

Me: “[Cashier], are you all right?”

Cashier: “Yeah, I think she thought I was a manager. I guess I should’ve corrected her, but her rant was too funny. [Coworker], did you really say that?”

Coworker: “Yeah. Sorry you had to deal with the fallout.”

Cashier: “Nah, it’s cool. Like I said, too funny. And I got her to calm down. I don’t think she’s gonna call corporate or anything.”

Coworker: *Looking at me* “Am I in trouble?”

Me: “For getting her out of here? H*** no. Just don’t do it again. [Cashier], you, too. I get paid a little more to get yelled at. You don’t. Now, let’s never speak of this again.”

Admittedly, I wasn’t the best manager, but at least I had my employees’ backs.

Eons ago, we went out to dinner with another couple, all of us enjoying a child-free evening. We decided to try a place that had recently opened. Three of us were drinking water, and the fourth had a lemon-lime soft drink, which, of course, looks like water if you don’t notice the bubbles.

At one point, the waitress came by and refilled all the glasses with water, including the soft drink. When it was pointed out what she did and a replacement was requested:

Waitress: “Well, how much of it did you drink?”

Seriously? She was going to bring a partially full glass as a replacement? No big surprise that the place closed down within a few months.