No Chicken Shall Bite On The Day Of Rest

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2018

(It is a Sunday afternoon, and the restaurant that I work at is right next to a fast food place which is well-known for being closed on Sundays. I’m working the drive-thru station when a woman pulls up and starts ordering multiple high-priced items.)

Me: “What else can I get for you today?”

Woman: “An order of chicken bites.”

(I turn and shoot my manager a look, as she also has a headset on and is hearing the entire conversation.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t carry chicken bites.”

Woman: “I want an order of your eight-piece chicken bites.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have chicken bites. We have only have chicken strips. We do have jalapeño bites, though, that come in an eight-count.”

Woman: “I want chicken bites.”

(At this point, my manager uses her headset to join the conversation. She repeats what I already told the woman and lists off a couple other menu items that the woman may be trying to order.)

Woman: “I was just here last week, and I got the chicken bites.”

Manager: “Ma’am, we have never carried chicken bites. We serve chicken tenders and chicken sandwiches, but not chicken bites or nuggets.”

Woman: “Cancel my order; I thought this was [Fast Food Place next door]!”

(I voided out her entire order, and she drove past the window to get to the parking lot for the other restaurant. From where I was, I could see her pull up to the front of the restaurant and realize that it was closed. She then came back through the drive-thru of my restaurant and ordered the same things she had just had me void off.)

I Have No Power To Help You

, , , , , | Working | March 19, 2018

(In the days leading up to hurricane Irma, our portable power supplies have been selling out immediately after each shipment.)

Customer: “Do you have any of those things that are solar powered, or that you charge, and then you can charge your phone from them?”

Me: “Sorry, we’re sold out.”

(I go back to work, but a few minutes later the customer is at the counter, taking to my coworker.)

Customer: *says something I don’t catch* “…and I wanted to show her this, because I asked if you had any and she said you don’t.”

(I see that she is holding a standard wireless charger.)

Me: “Actually, ma’am, that’s not a power bank. The way that works is you plug it into the wall and then you can charge your phone by laying it on top of that, instead of plugging your phone in. It still needs a power source to work.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you. I just wanted to make sure.”

(I think nothing of this until about an hour later when I’m on lunch. I go to the deli to buy a hot meal, and the employee that comes to help stops when she sees me and glares.)

Employee: “What do you want?”

(I order, and while she’s getting my food she starts talking to another employee next to her, loudly.)

Employee: “So, let me tell you about what this cashier just did.”

(The guy next to her just grunts, as he’s helping someone, too.)

Employee: “I sent my mom to go buy a charger for my phone for the storm, and the cashier tried to talk her out of it. She said it wouldn’t work because it’s wireless, but that’s not true.”

Coworker: “Why would they lie?”

Employee: “Well, the only reason I can figure is so they can get it themselves.”

(The guy grunted again, then walked away to weigh his customer’s food. The employee helping me followed him, and continued to complain out of earshot. When she was done, she came back and wordlessly handed my food to me, still glaring. I put on my biggest smile and said thanks. I hope that she doesn’t lose power.)

They Paid You Correctly And Not A Half-Dollar More!

, , , , , | Right | March 14, 2018

(I work at a popular grocery store chain in the southern United States. A woman comes in and wants to pay with a handful of change.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Your total is $3.00.”

(She hands me change.)

Me: “Ma’am, you still owe $1.50.”

Customer: *pointing to a half-dollar coin* “No I don’t. That’s a dollar and a half coin. See, right there? It says, ‘dollar and a half.’”

(After I attempted to tell her that the coin was only worth 50 cents, she told me that the customer service desk would tell me the coin was worth $1.50. Not only was the coin worth a dollar less than the customer thought it was, I had to endure a look of absolute befuddlement on the face of that poor customer service representative. Never before has my college degree felt more useless.)

Screaming Your Lungs Out

, , , , , , | Right | December 4, 2017

(Despite the fact that we are a retail shipping center, NOT actually [Major Shipping Company], we get a high volume of callers who think we are the shipping company and want us to locate their packages. The following conversation happens over the phone.)

Customer: “I was supposed to receive my new phone from [Phone Company] by 3:00 pm today, and it’s already after 3:00!”

(It’s only about 2:45.)

Me: “Was the item shipped out from our store here in [Location]?”

Customer: “No! It was shipped from [Phone Company]! Are you listening to me?!”

Me: “If it wasn’t shipped out from our store, unfortunately, there is nothing I can do for you. We don’t have anything to do with the drivers or deliveries. I can give you [Shipping Company]’s customer service number, though, and they should be able to help you.”

Customer:I need my phone! I have a rare lung condition and my lungs are suffocating me alive!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that. Do you have a pen and paper to write down that number?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have a God-d**** f****** pen or paper. Now you’re going to make me go find those WHILE I’M DYING BECAUSE I’M BEING SUFFOCATED BY MY LUNGS! F****** ridiculous! And I can’t find a pen, so now I have to use a piece of s*** marker. I have a lung disease!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry to hear that. So that number is 1-800—”

(At this point, I’ve got the phone an arm’s length away and can still hear him clearly.)

Customer: *screaming into the phone* “I CAN’T CALL AN 800 NUMBER! I’M BEING SUFFOCATED AND I CAN’T CALL 9-1-1 WITHOUT MY NEW PHONE!”

Me: “I cannot locate your phone for you. Let me give you the customer service number and tell you how to get a live person, and they should be able to help you.”

Customer: “FINE! Give me the f****** phone number so I can call them about my new phone!”

(I give the customer the number and tell them how to get a hold of a live person.)

Customer: “I’m probably going to die before I get my new phone, thanks to you! Now I have to call someplace else, and I can’t even call 9-1-1 because I don’t have new phone to do it with! I AM SUFFOCATING ALIVE BECAUSE I HAVE A RARE LUNG DISEASE AND YOU DON’T CARE THAT I CAN’T CALL FOR HELP! I AM GOING TO DIE BECAUSE I CAN’T CALL 9-1-1!”

Me: “I really hope you’re able to get the phone situation resolved soon, sir. Good luck and have a great rest of the day.”

Life Is Stranger Than Soap-Opera Fiction

, , , , , | Right | November 22, 2017

(A local news story about a little girl who was murdered makes national headlines. Our station cuts into the afternoon’s soap opera with breaking news regarding the case.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Station]. How can I assist you?”

Caller: “Why are you interrupting my stories? You can’t do that!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is breaking news regarding the murder case. A lot of people want to know what’s going on.”

Caller: “I know the little girl is dead and all, but you just can’t take people’s television away from them!” *click*

(Sadly that was only one of the many calls we were inundated with during that time.)

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