Cost In The Translation, Part 2

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2010

Customer: “This food is terrible. I want a refund!”

(Turns to her daughter and starts speaking in Spanish.)

Customer: “The food was amazing, actually!”

Me: *also in Spanish* “I’ll send my compliments to the chef, then.”

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Sizing Up Customers

, , , | Right | March 24, 2010

(An elderly female customer has been looking intently at the PC games for about ten minutes.)

Me: “Hi, are you alright there? Do you have any questions?”

Customer: “Oh yes. I have a PC upstairs, and a laptop downstairs.”

Me: “Right.”

Customer: “Will there games work on both? The CD tray is bigger on the PC.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “And smaller on the laptop.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure they’re both the same size.”

Customer: “But the laptop is smaller.”

Me: “They will work on both, trust me.”

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Saw The Wrong Dust

, , , , , | Right | March 16, 2010

Customer: “Is this movie one of those violent ones?”

(Customer shows me a copy of ‘Stardust’.)

Me: “No, sir, that’s a family fantasy movie.”

Customer: “Are you sure? I thought Sawdust was violent and gory?”

Me: “Sir, you’re thinking of the ‘Saw’ movies. You have a copy of ‘Stardust’, which is completely different.”

Customer: “I was looking for something really disturbing and violent.”

Me: “Well ‘Stardust’ has a scene with Robert De Niro in a dress doing the can-can.”

(Customer mulls this over for a few seconds.)

Customer: “I think you’d better show me where those ‘Saw’ movies are.”

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It Depends On The Size Of Your Tubes

, , , , | Right | March 7, 2010

Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

Call Center: “I want a new computer. My current one is Windows 95.”

Me: “Well, the current version is Windows 7.”

Call Center: “What about the modem? If I buy a new hard drive, would it make my computer have internet?”

Me: “You would need to add a modem if you wanted to just plug the phone line into the computer. Most internet providers supply you with an external modem as part of their service.”

Call Center: “Well, I have an external hard drive. Could I plug the internet into that?

Me: “It doesn’t work that way. You need a computer to connect to the internet.”

Call Center: “Can’t I just download the internet onto my external hard drive?”

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Doctor Sue

, , , , , | Right | February 26, 2010

(I am selling a replica phone box from the popular show ‘Doctor Who’ on an online auction site. In the show the phone box is actually a time machine/spaceship. I put my number on there so people can call me.)

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering about the replica phone box you are selling. Can it actually fly to other planets and go through time?”

Me: “Afraid not. It’s a replica… It’s fake.”

Caller: “Well, is it as big inside as in the show?”

Me: “No, that’s impossible to do. It’s a TV show so it’s not real.”

Caller: “What? You’re selling a replica? So, it can’t fly to other planets and through time?”

Me: “No one can make it like it is on the show. It’s impossible.”

Caller: “Excuses, excuses! You lying b****!. I’m going to report you and sue!” *click*

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