During the lockdown, many of us in our area put out old toys, books, games, etc., in front of the house for free. It makes for a nice community spirit and it’s a good way to de-clutter.

I have just taken in the empty box after the second load of items was taken, and I hear a knock on the door. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had done so to thank us; once, a small child wanted to give us a gift in return.

I open the door to see a woman in her late thirties, on her phone with a hand on her hips and a face full of attitude.

My sense of community spirit is draining fast as I can feel where this is going.

Woman: “You had a book out front; where is it?”

Me: “I put lots of books outside. I imagine someone took it.”

Woman: “My son needs it.”

Me: “That’s a shame. Someone else took it.”

Woman: *Sighs dramatically* “You aren’t worth the time.”

She strutted off. I decided to leave it a day or two before gifting more items, as I couldn’t believe the entitlement of some people.

This happens as the health crisis is raging. Our doorbell rings unexpectedly and my husband grabs a mask to answer the door. The dog is barking like mad. I’m a teacher and was just about to start a video conference with a student, so the untimely interruption already has me annoyed.

I am not near the door so the sound is muffled, but I hear what sounds like a sales pitch starting. My husband — a 6’5″ gentle giant — is far too polite to tell the guy to get moving, so I take matters into my own hands. I put on a mask on the way to the door.

As I reach it, I see that there is a home security sales guy right next to the door, about six inches from my husband, going straight into his spiel. He is almost as tall as my husband, and he is NOT WEARING A MASK.

I tug my husband gently from the door and light into the guy with all 5’2″ of my immune-suppressed fury.

Me: “What the h*** do you think you are doing, coming up to people’s homes in the middle of the day?! With no mask?! Get the h*** out of here!”

Sales Guy: “I just—”

Me: “No! Get going! And take us off your d*** list!”

The guy literally tripped over himself moving away from my door.

I’m normally more polite to people just doing a job, but you should not interrupt people’s workdays and put their lives in danger to sell home security to a house that already has a scary barking dog, a giant, and an angry halfling.

I have a reputation for making shoplifting difficult. Due to the global health crisis, masks are mandatory in my city. This is often forgotten, so I politely remind customers about it.

A well-known shoplifter comes into the store — one I have yet to catch red-handed, which is required to issue a ban — without a mask on.

Me: “Hi there! Do you have your mask or face covering with you today?”

Shoplifter: “Oh! I’m sorry, I forgot it. I need to leave now anyway, ‘cause you’re here!”

The shoplifter then stormed out of the store empty-handed.

I work for a major electronics repair chain. Corporate is offering a promotion for first responders. Basically, if you can provide ID showing you are a cop or work at a hospital, you get a free phone repair for participating brands. We snap a photo, send it to the manufacturer, and the manufacturer will authorize it and waive the repair cost.

A woman comes in and starts talking with another employee, and I can hear voices raised from the back room. I come out to see what the problem is.

Customer: “[Coworker] is discriminating against me and not authorizing my repair!”

Me: “Can I see your work ID?”

She hands me her work ID… from a military bank.

Me: “There’s a 0% chance that this will be approved, but I’ll still submit it to the manufacturer and send you an email once they respond.”

I say this just to get her out. She calms down a bit and agrees. Within FIVE MINUTES, the manufacturer has gotten back to me saying there’s no way in h***. It usually takes about an hour to get a response, but five minutes for her — that’s how open and shut it is.

I send the customer a message to let her know, and she comes to pick up the phone, yelling:

Customer: “I’m complaining to corporate!”

She’s back the next day with a smug look on her face.

Customer: “I talked to the manager and they said that you would do the repair if I brought documentation of my status.”

I am the manager, but okay. The documentation was a letter from her employer saying that she was an essential employee as she works for a bank.

I submitted it to the manufacturer and again five minutes later it was rejected.

She came back every day for the next week, having us resubmit the same document. It never worked.

Due to a complicated series of events, I ended up with sole custody of my stepchildren. They are eight-year-old fraternal twins who look very similar to each other, despite being different genders. The only ways to tell them apart are their clothing choices, the length of their hair, and the color of their glasses. If you were to look closely you might notice the shapes of their noses and that my daughter has one blind eye.

It’s been a very warm week here, and since it’s probably the last warm weather of the year, we decide to enjoy it and go get ice cream.

After we buy the ice cream, we go to a nearby park to eat it. An old woman is walking her dog in the park. She waves to us; we wave back. Then, she stops, turns around, removes her mask to rub her eyes — she isn’t wearing glasses or anything, so I don’t understand why she had to remove her mask — and then stares at us for a second.

Woman: *Bluntly* “Did this man kidnap you?”

Twin #1: “No, this is our dad!”

She looks for a few more minutes, and then walks away saying something to the effect of, “Back in my day, women were a bit more subtle when they had an affair with the mailman.”

A few minutes later she came back, stared at us, and then walked away again.