(A student calls and refuses to verify any information other than his name. He is angry and has asked to speak with a supervisor, but refuses to give a reason why. The call has been transferred to me by one of my agents.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. How can I help you out today?”

Caller: “WHAT WAS YOUR NAME?”

Me: “…[My Name]…?”

Caller: “WHAT IS THE CASE NUMBER FOR THIS CALL?”

Me: “Well… we haven’t created a case yet because we don’t know why you’re calling. Perhaps you can provide me with a few details as to—”

Caller: “YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE HAS GONE COMPLETELY DOWNHILL!”

Me: “I’m… sorry… Can I ask for some details about your situation so I can better assist—”

Caller: “I WAS TOLD I WAS GOING TO GET A CASE NUMBER FOR THIS CALL!”

Me: “Well, we can’t create a case without knowing what it is you’re calling ab—”

Caller: “I NEED TO REPORT THE AGENT I WAS JUST SPEAKING TO FOR BEING RUDE!”

Me: “Well, sir, I can absolutely investigate that further, but first I need to get some more information about what happen—”

Caller: “OBVIOUSLY YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HELP ME AND YOU’RE DOING WHATEVER YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOUR LITTLE TEAM, SO I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT YOU, TOO!”

Me: “Well, I can certainly have somebody higher than me give you a call back, but AGAIN, I still haven’t gotten any information as to the reason for your ca—”

Caller: “HAVE A SUPERVISOR GET BACK TO ME WITH THE CASE NUMBER FOR THIS CALL!”

Me: “The… case number… that we are supposed to create… without knowing why we’re creating it?”

Caller: “BECAUSE OF POOR CUSTOMER SERVICE! HOW’S THAT?”

Me: *after an extended pause* “Sure. We’ll get that to you.”

(I work in a grocery store as a cashier, often in the express lanes which are ten items or less. I’m a college-age girl. I’m also hard of hearing, practically deaf without my hearing aids. On this day, I have forgotten them. However, my right ear is better than my left, so I’ve been relying on it the entire day. Still, if someone talks directly to me, I can hear them well enough and I can read lips. I have a pin on my apron that says people should face me when speaking. An older man walks through my line.)

Me: “Hi! How are you this morning?”

Customer: “GOOD! I want a…” *turns around while saying what he’d like*

Me: *cute right ear tap* “I’m actually hard of hearing, so could you repeat that while facing me?”

Customer: *leans over my counter and gets really close to my face* “I. Want. A. Small. Latte. With. Almond. MILK! Did you hear THAT?!”

Me: *continues in silence after taking a step back*

Customer: “DID YOU? UGH! Useless!”

(My manager comes up behind me just after.)

Manager: “You probably should have apologized before asking him to face you.”

Me: “I’m not going to apologize for being almost deaf.”

(My cousin and I are at an amusement park. We’re on a ride that is about to start. My cousin sees a large black box on the side of the ride.)

Cousin: “I wonder what’s in that black box? I bet it’s information for a secret spy convention. What do you think?”

Me: “I think it’s a bomb to be set off in case of zombie apocalypse.”

(There is a few seconds of silence then:)

Me: “We’re weird, aren’t we?”

Cousin: “Yep, but who wants to be normal?”

(After the ride is over, she sees another box of the same size and color.)

Cousin: “There’s another large box. So that one has information for a secret spy meeting about zombies and the other one has a bomb to deal with them…”

(It is the end of the year, and almost every classroom is being used for testing. Because of this, my class has been forced to wait in the hallway. All of us are all tired and hot. Classmate #1 is lying on their backpack.)

Classmate #2: *walks over to [Classmate #1]*

Classmate #1: “Don’t touch me.”

Classmate #2: *hovers hands over [Classmate #1] without touching them*

Classmate #1: “Stop it.”

Classmate #2: “Stop what? I’m not doing anything.”

Classmate #1: “[My Name], make him stop.”

Me: “[Classmate #2], stop doing nothing.”

Classmate #2: *pokes [Classmate #1]*

(My little brother doesn’t want to go to bed.)

Mom: “Time for bed!”

Brother: “You’re not my dad! You can’t tell me what to do!”

Dad: “I am your dad and I say go to bed!”

Brother: “Yeah… but you aren’t Mario. I only take orders from Mario.”

(My family is full of nerds, so we have a Mario hat. I happen to know where it is. I run to get it, put it on, and come back.)

Me: “IT’S A-MEEE!”

Brother: *sighs dramatically and walks out of the room*