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Forget The Coupon, Just Wing It

, , , , , | Right | March 23, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ve got coupon for twelve wings free. But, it says it excludes boneless wings. So, I was wondering if I could place an order and get the boneless wings free.”

Me: “Sir, if it says it excludes the boneless wings, then I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Oh. So, even if I cross it off, it won’t work?”


This story is part of the Confused-By-Coupons roundup!

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Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2011

Caller: “It’s too cold in my room. Can you turn the air off?”

Me: “Turn it off?”

Caller: “It’s just freezing.”

Me: “The outside temperature is fifteen degrees. If we turn the air off, it will bring your office temperature closer to fifteen degrees.”

Caller: “Don’t do that. Just turn it off. I’d rather it be nothing than this cold!”

Drop-Off(spring) Box

, , , , | Right | March 9, 2011

(I am ringing out a man and his son. He looks around five years old. He keeps pulling things off the candy racks and asking for them.)

Customer: “Stop, or I’m going to have to leave you here.”

(The customer turns to me.)

Customer: “What would happen if I really left him here? Would you have to call the police?”

Me: “I think we have to.”

Son: “Can I get this?”

Customer: “No. Would you know how to get home from here?”

Son: “Yep!”

Customer: “D***!”

(He laughs, pays, and leaves. I make sure he has his son with him.)

Willy Always Was A Bit Wonky

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2011

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like an oompa loompa.”

Me: “Oompa loompa?”

Customer: “Yes, one of those caramel apple oompa loompas!”

Me: “Do you mean an empanada?”

Customer: “That’s exactly what I said.”

What What It’s A Butt

, , , , , , | Right | January 31, 2011

(A mother comes in looking to get a hamster for her four children. They range in age from three to ten.)

Mother:  “Excuse me, miss?”

Me:  “How may I help you?”

Mother:  “Can you tell me if this hamster is a girl?”

(I look at the hamster in question. It’s most definitely male.)

Mother: *to me, quietly* “Just say it’s a girl.”

Me: “Yes, it’s a girl.”

Mother: *to children* “Yes, this one’s a girl. We can call her Jessie.”

Child:  “What’s that hanging off the back of the hamster?” *points to the hamster’s prominent testicles*

Mother: *looks at me in desperation*

Me:  “Er… that’s…”

Mother:  *frantic look of desperation*

Me:  “…its butt.”

Mother:  *look of relief*

(They ended up buying the hamster in spite of its large… butt.)


This story is part of our Hamsters Roundup!

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