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A Perfect Picture Of Failing Completely

, , , , , | Right | June 13, 2022

I work for a photography company that specializes in graduation photos, and it is graduation season in these parts, so I’m working hard. We deal with a lot of major universities with hundreds, sometimes thousands of graduates, and it’s up to my department to put the grads’ information into a computer and then send them order forms. The grads, however, can be incredibly stupid.

The university in question is very prestigious and known for its football team. It has a lot of international students, most of whom graduate with honors. Now, our grad cards are not that complex. They have spots for your name, permanent address, parents’ address if it differs, and a checklist describing hair color, ethnicity, etc.

Many people get confused by the address form for some unknown reason. I’ve come to the conclusion that either many graduates cannot see or understand the letter R, so their countries end up being various counties in Michigan, or said counties in Michigan have risen up in rebellion and established themselves as sovereign nations.

But the most hilarious thing came from one of the foreign students. There were three things on this card that didn’t quite add up:

1) Michigan has now been taken over by Jerusalem.

2) Jerusalem is now its own country, having completely separated from Israel.

3) “My parents live on the main street of Jerusalem” is now a valid address.

I would have chalked this up to the language barrier, but entering the rest of her data made me head-desk so hard that I almost knocked myself unconscious. This woman was a Ph.D. student and had lived in the United States for almost ten years. She had a degree in English, having graduated with a minor in ESL.

I have no idea how she messed up that badly.

How Is This Man Not In Jail?

, , , , , , | Right | May 17, 2022


I once managed a photo studio that required a signature anytime portraits were picked up, forcing the customer to acknowledge that they would not try to copy the photos elsewhere.

Pretty basic terms of service, yes? Except, it seems, not for this one guy.

I was already dreading seeing him again, as when he and his partner brought their new-born in for the shoot, I’d had to end the session early and kick him out of my studio after he repeatedly called his partner the worst kind of names because she couldn’t get their seven-day-old to smile on cue, I’d had enough! 

Anyway. He stopped by to pick up his portraits, and I paused the session I was in to hand them to him, rather than have him wait in the crowded area with lots of moms and kids, since I knew he was irrational.

Customer: “Why do I have to sign? I’m refusing!”

He says something something Secret Service FBI 9/11 something something gave him the right to copy his photos.

I did my best to defuse the situation, but he was having none of it, and that’s how I found myself pinned against my studio wall, his hands reaching for my throat, as he threatened to gut me like a deer, put me on the hood of his car, and drive me around town to show everyone what happens when you cross him.

My studio was in a retail store, and one of the clerks finally asks:

Clerk: “Do you think I should call the cops?”

And this is as I am gasping and telling people to call the police! 

Said police arrived. By that time, the retail store manager (not my manager) was there and had contacted my district manager.

Together, they informed me I wasn’t allowed to press charges, and that the disruption was probably my fault. The police begged me to press charges anyway, as this was the fourth time in the last couple of days they’d been called to remove this one customer from various places in town.

My DM stood firm, though, and reminded me that A) I’d get fired if I didn’t make folks sign to pick up photos and B) why did I confront someone over not signing?

So, gentle readers, I quit. A competitor was planning to open a studio, and I gleefully went over there for a bit more money and a lot more autonomy.

The next Christmas season, the same man once again came in for photos, sans partner.

When it came time to review his portrait order, he started to get belligerent with me again, and threatening.

This time, I looked him in the face and said:

Me: “I’m not scared of you. I’ve already called the police on you once and I’ll do it again. If you want portraits from me, you’re going to sit down, shut up, and only open your mouth to politely indicate which ones you’d like to buy. Do you understand me?”

And so he did… and yes, he acknowledged copyright when he picked up that set of photos, too.

Thankfully, I’m long out of retail – this happened twenty years ago – but I’ll never forget my worst customer ever.

Take A Picture Of The Sign; Maybe You’ll Remember

, , , | Right | February 8, 2022

I worked in a large retail chain in their portrait studio as a manager. The portrait studio was actually an entirely separate company from the retail chain. I had two occasions where I wasn’t working but customers expected me to deal with them anyway.

The first time, I was doing some shopping before heading home after work. A customer found me in the store, nowhere near the studio.

Customer #1: “I need you to give me my pictures!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the studio closed an hour ago.”

On another occasion, a customer tracked me down in the café.

Customer #2: “Come and take my pictures for me!”

Me: “The studio is closed for lunch right now, ma’am.”

Customer #2: “Where does it say that?!”

I took her over to our six-foot sign and pointed to and read to her where it said, “Closed For Lunch 2:00 pm to 3:00 pm.”

I then walked away and finished my lunch.

By The Numbers, They’re In The Wrong

, , , , | Right | December 13, 2021

I work in a photo studio. The phone rings and I answer it. Before I can even get my greeting out:

Caller: “I’m here for my appointment. Why aren’t you open?!”

Me: “We’re open.”

Before I can continue:

Caller: “No, you’re not! The door is locked, and I have an appointment now! You’d better unlock the door!”

I look at our door with no one at it. Maybe they’re invisible?

Me: “The door isn’t locked.”

Caller: *Interrupting again* “YES, IT IS!”

I hear the sound of a person pulling on a door back and forth and then pounding on it.

Caller: “Can’t you hear me at the door?! Stop ignoring me and open the f****** door!”

Me: “What address are you at?”

Caller: “At your address!”

Me: *Sighs* “Can you just tell me what address you’re at?”

They scream the building address.

Me: “Which unit?”


Me: “There are twenty-five different units in the building; some aren’t rented out. We’re in unit nineteen. There is no one at our door and it is unlocked. Now, look at the number above the door… What is the number?”

Now the customer is somewhat quiet and definitely realizing their own stupidity.

Caller: “Um… seven.”

Me: “We’re a few doors down towards the end.”

I got no apology for the behavior, and no eye contact indicated they knew that their self-entitled butt was way out of line.

While it would be awesome if I was doing well enough to own the entire building and need it for all the work I’m doing, even then, I would only have one door open for people to enter through, and you would need to use the one with the right number above it.

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 48

, , | Right | November 29, 2021

I own a photography store, selling cameras and doing passports, etc. We open at 1:00 pm on Mondays, but I happen to be at the store on Monday morning because I need to get something and am planning on just grabbing what I need and going home.

A woman tries to get in through the locked door. The door has a sign on it that says we’re closed and another sign with our opening hours. I haven’t turned on any of the lights, so it’s also very dark inside. The woman starts banging on the door. I am just about to leave so I go outside.

Me: “Ma’am, we were closed.”

She doesn’t take it well and immediately demands:

Customer: “I want to speak to the manager.”

Me: “I’m the owner.”

She then shouted and cursed so much so that the manager of the supermarket across the street came out to help me. She then tried to make the supermarket manager force me to open my store almost four hours early.

Didn’t work. Never saw the woman again.

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 47
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 46
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 45
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 44
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 43