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Has More Than A Few Issues

, , , , | Right | July 28, 2010

(A customer walks in with five magazines under her arm.)

Customer: “Hi, how much does it cost to laminate one A4 page?”

Me: “That’ll be $0.10.”

Customer: “Great and um, about how many pages are in a magazine?”

Me: “I’d say about 100.”

Customer: “Great, so 100 multiplied by five is 500 hundred right?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “So 500 multiplied by $0.10 would be $50.00 right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yeah. So, can you, like, laminate each page in the magazine?”

Me: “Why would you want to do that?”

Customer: “So I can read them in the bath.”


This story is part of our Outrageous Requests roundup!

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Best Quote An Alternator Price

, , , , | Right | July 10, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Auto Parts]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I need an alternator for my vehicle.”

(I look up his car and the alternator.)

Me: “Okay, the one we have in stock is $79.99.”

Caller: “$49.99?”

Me: “No, sir, $79.99.”

Caller: “$49.99?”

Me: “$79.99.”

Caller: “Hey, you said $79.99!”

Me: “Indeed I did, sir!”


This story is part of our roundup about customers who are bad listeners!

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It’s Going To Be One Of Those Days

, , , , , , | Right | July 7, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Electronics Store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wanting to buy one of those thingies that records stuff on a tape.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. What exactly were you looking to use this for?”

Customer: “I want to record myself singing and send it to my grandkids.”

Me: “Well, it sounds like you’d need a voice recorder for that.”

Customer: “Oh, then I just send them the tape?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, our company discontinued tapes. Almost everything gets recorded onto digital data, like memory cards and such.”

Customer: “What’s a memory card?”

(I provide a lengthy explanation of memory card.)

Customer: “So, then I just mail them the memory card instead of the tape?”

Me: “No, ma’am. You could simply e-mail them the file of the audio clip.”

Customer: “What’s e-mail?”

Nature Abhors A Vacuum-Head

, , , , , , | Right | July 3, 2010

(I overhear this conversation between two girls who look to be around fourteen or fifteen, lining up for an exhibit.)

Girl #1: “Those flowers are pretty.”

Girl #2: *while texting* “Yeah, I guess.”

Girl #1: “Oh, my god! Don’t move! There’s a fly on you!”

Girl #2: *in a horrified voice* “N-N-Nature!”


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I Am 16 Going On 17

, , , , , | Right | July 2, 2010

Customer: “The price printed on the back says $16. Why are you charging me extra?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. This book costs $17. Your copy seems to contain a printing error. However, since we didn’t catch the mistake and your copy does say $16, I’d be happy to let you have the book for this price.”

(The customer pays $16 for the book and walks away. A few minutes later she comes back holding another copy.)

Customer: “I just wanted to let you know that I found another copy, and this one does say $17 on the back. How is this possible? Aren’t they all supposed to be identical?”

Me: “Warehouses sometimes hold inventory that comes from more than one print run. That’s probably what happened here. They must have had some wrongly priced copies mixed in with the rest of the stock.”

Customer: “Oh, I see. I am going to put the copy I just bought back on the shelf and take this one, okay? It’s the same book, so it shouldn’t make a difference to you.”

Me: “We have let you have the book for the price printed on the cover, so I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.”

Customer: “Oh, no, there is no problem. It’s just that I’m buying this for a friend as a gift and I want her to think I paid $17.”

Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that since this copy does not contain a pricing error, you will not be entitled to the discounted price.”

Customer: “So, if I get the copy that isn’t defective, I’ll have to pay full price?”

Me: “That’s correct. Do you still want to exchange your copy for this one?”

Customer: “Forget it. She’s not that good a friend.”