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Clean Versus Mean

, , , , , , | Working | December 27, 2022

I honestly have no idea how this lady stayed employed as long as she did. She was an older woman who barely spoke English, so I never really talked to her, but her bad attitude was readily apparent. Seeing her rudely telling off a senior employee who politely asked her if she could help cover another part of the building was my first real experience with her. For my part, I just tried to do my job and avoid workplace drama.

Then, I took a position helping to clean the trays we used to sort out the plants. As this was a medical greenhouse, sanitation was extremely important. I was told right from the start that under no circumstances were the dirty trays to touch the clean ones.

Well, [Rude Lady] got moved there, too. For my part, I just did my job as carefully as possible and didn’t try to start anything. Then, one day, I noticed her putting a huge stack of dirty trays right up against my clean ones. I tried to tell her that we couldn’t do that, but she didn’t seem to get it, so I just moved them over to the side myself.

Now, I could’ve dismissed that as a simple misunderstanding at this point. But then, she moved them right back when I wasn’t looking. I moved them again, and she just stormed off. I just went back to work and didn’t think anything of it.

Then, she came back with the boss claiming that I was being “mean” and “bullying” her. I had to explain the whole situation, and thankfully, the boss took my side.

I didn’t see her again after that.

Be Careful What You Google… And Where

, , , , , , , | Working | December 21, 2022

It is Friday. My boss remarks that he is going to have fish and chips that evening… because it is Friday.

Me: “It’s interesting what was considered fish, historically. People often wanted to eat things that weren’t officially considered ‘meat’. That’s why there are no beavers in England anymore.”

Boss: *Trying not to laugh* “Bollocks!”

Me: “No, really.”

Boss: “No, that’s nonsense. I’m going to Google that to prove you wrong.” *Pauses* “No… I am not going to Google ‘eat beaver on a Friday’ from a work computer. I am going to Google ‘eat beaver on a Friday’ when I get home.

The matter was never mentioned again.

Married To A Holey Man

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 7, 2022

I am talking with the married coworkers from this story.

Wife: “If I don’t stop him, he wears clothes with holes in. He’s terrible.”

[Husband] mutters.

Me: “I’ve noticed that my socks don’t wear out evenly, surprisingly, so if I put two pairs on, the holes don’t line up and they’re still wearable.”

[Husband] starts listening with interest.


Married To A Yes-Man

Delicious Extinction

, , , , , | Right | October 27, 2022

I do oceans research for an incredible environmental organization. I get a call through on our public line.

Caller: “You people are useless! My favorite f****** fish is gone forever!”

Me: “What are you referring to, ma’am?”

Caller: “You didn’t save it. My fish is now extinct! You should have stopped the fishermen from catching the fish! Now I can’t eat it!”

Me: “…sorry?”

Caller: “You will be! Go and find me more fish!” *Click*

I still have no idea…

That Must Be Mhairi Confusing For You

, , , , , , , , | Working | August 15, 2022

My coworker is trying to find the correct mailbox for another (new) coworker.

Coworker: “Why is Vah-ry’s name spelt with an M?”

Me: “Mhairi. It’s Gaelic, like in Niamh.”

Coworker: *Laughs* “I have a cousin Niamh. I should have thought of that.”

Sometime later…

Me: “How many cousins do you have, anyway?”

[Coworker] thinks for a moment.

Coworker: “Twenty-two. Oh, wait. I missed one side of the family. Twenty-eight.”

Me: “…”