Eight-Year-Old: “Mom! Mom! There’s exploding cat pee on the carpet in my room!”
(This gets my attention. I run upstairs to witness the exploding cat pee. I hear and see a loud plop. I look up, and point to the leak in the ceiling.)
Eight-Year-Old: “Never tell anyone.”
Me: “I won’t for now, but I can’t promise forever.”
(Happy 18th birthday, Darling!)
(I tend to dress rather casually at work and, on this day, I’ve worn a bright orange T-shirt with my usual jeans. When I get home after work:)
Me: “You know, I might have to rethink some of my wardrobe choices.”
Husband: “Oh? Why’s that?”
Me: “One of my customers called me ‘Pumpkin’ today.”
(I work in a call center and offer customer service through chat. I am completely separate from the phones.)
Customer: “Here is my phone number. Call me.”
Me: “I apologize; I do not have access to the phones. Is there anything I can do for you?”
Customer: “YES! My phone is not working, and I want you to call me and fix it now!”
Me: “We can’t do technical troubleshooting on the chat.” *I give him all information on how to call technical support*
Customer: “NO! I don’t want to call technical support! My phone is not working! I want you to send a technician now!”
Me: “Only technical support has access to sending out technicians for technical issues. You will need to call them to get this fixed.”
Customer: “What don’t you understand? MY PHONE IS NOT WORKING!”
Me: “If your phone is not working, then how could we call you?”
(He was wordless for a few seconds, then started to say he never asked for a call, and kept pushing for technical support until he closed the chat 15 minutes later.)
Growing up, my parents never really policed what I watched, and I ended up seeing a lot of R-rated movies by the time I was ten. One time though, when I was about eight, my mom and I were watching one such movie together. Near the beginning, a village was attacked, the invaders unleashed a pack of dogs on the villagers, and my mom covered my eyes. I immediately ripped her hand away, we stared at each other for a couple seconds, me thinking, “What the heck? I’m trying to watch a movie here,” and her expression saying, “Well, if you’re sure,” and we continued watching the movie.
Nearly twenty years later, that was the only scene I could remember, but I found it hilarious that of all the mature movies I had seen, that was the one scene she decided to shield me from. I had absolutely no idea what movie it was from, but was always curious. One day, I was browsing Netflix, started a movie, and realized it was the one from my childhood. I stopped watching it and messaged my mom. We agreed it would be fun to watch it together again, so next time I was at her place, we did so.
We spent the next two hours laughing at the old 80s special effects. And couple of times she said, “Now this scene is what I really should have covered your eyes for,” and laughed even more.
The movie it turned out to be? Conan the Barbarian.
(I am working at a coffee shop, and this is my first time using the cash register. I am pretty fast for someone who is new, but still slow overall. Thankfully, there are only three people in line at most, so there is never a wait longer than three minutes.)
Me: “Hello! How may I help you?”
Customer: “Finally! This took forever.”
Me: “I’m sorry for the delay; I’m new here, and this is my first day on cash register.”
Customer: “There are always new people here. They need to stop hiring so many new people.”
Me: “We have had a lot of people leave recently.”
Customer: “It doesn’t matter!”
Me: “So… they shouldn’t hire employees?”
Customer: “…”
