Customer Is No Shrimping Violet

, , , | Right | January 28, 2010

Customer: “My shrimp is cold.”

Me: “Okay, sorry about that, ma’am. I’ll bring it to the kitchen and they’ll make you a new serving right away.”

Customer: “Fine, but feel this shrimp. Feel how cold it is.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s unnecessary. I believe that it’s cold. Just let me take the plate away for you so I can get you a new serving.”

Customer: “Feel my shrimp!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to touch your shrimp.”

Customer: “Feel my shrimp or I’m leaving!”

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Time Zoned Out

, , , , | Right | January 5, 2010

(A customer calls in from Los Angeles.)

Caller: “How late are you open there?”

Me: “Five pm.”

Caller: “Yeah, but like, what time zone?”

Me: “Five pm, Pacific Standard Time.”

Caller: “What time would that be here?”

Me: “Sir, we are directly north of you so we are on the same clock as you; Pacific Standard Time.”

Caller: “Well, I don’t know your Canadian time zones! What’s that in American?”

Me: “Sir, what time is it there?”

Caller: “Three pm”

Me: “It is three pm here as well; we are on the same time. We close in two hours at 5 pm your time.”

Caller: “Wait a minute! It’s the same time there? Don’t you have your own time?”


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You’ll Need Special 2D Glasses, Though

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2009

(At the zoo where I work, I’m answering questions from a group of tourists from Connecticut.)

Tourist: “So, do you all say ‘eh’ in Canada?”

Me: “Not too much, really. Maybe they say it a bit more out east.”

Tourist: “Canada has an EAST?!”


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Only Listening To Some Random Words

, , , | Right | November 11, 2009

(I work airport security. The metal detectors choose random people for additional screening. On the screen, it will tell us if it’s an actual alarm or random. The alert beep sounds almost identical to the metal alarm one. A lady walks through and the machine chooses her for random screening.)

Me: “Hello, bonjour, miss. You’ve been chosen for additional screening.”

Lady: *not listening* “Oh, I don’t think I have any metal.”

Me: “No, the metal detector chose you for random screening.”

Lady: *still not listening* “I don’t think it’s my shoes; I’ve worn them through before.”

Me: “No, it’s random.”

Lady: *still not listening* “I don’t have anything in my pockets.”

Me: “It’s random selection.”

Lady: “Maybe if I try—” *suddenly stops, clueing in* “Oh! Maybe if I listened; I’d like the scanner, please!”

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Translation: Stupid

, , , , | Right | November 3, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, why won’t my card work on the pump?”

Me: “Is it an American card?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “American cards don’t work at the pump.”

Customer: “You should put up a sign or something.”

Me: “Actually, there are several right above the card slot.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I don’t read Canadian…”

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