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ALWAYS Trust The Experts

, , , , , , , , | Legal | November 9, 2022

Many years ago, I worked for a contracting firm in New York that specialized in Lexan glass windows. We were contacted by a very well-known jewelry firm near Wall Street about replacing their aging front display window with an extremely large panel of Lexan. By “extremely large”, I mean two inches thick, six feet high, and fourteen feet long! This panel was literally going to be bulletproof! The owners wanted to get rid of the “jailhouse ambiance” of having huge vertical bars all across the display window.

They and we agreed upon a price for the installation — almost astronomical considering it was just a big window. As we removed the old window and the bars, we realized that the framework surrounding what would be the new window badly needed beefing up for better security. We recommended a couple of other contractors to perform that work as that was outside the scope of our knowledge and experience. The owners, already unhappy about the amount they were having to spend, declined to do so even after we practically begged them to and required them to sign off on an agreement holding us harmless for the framework holding the new Lexan panel.

A week after we completed the installation, we got a frantic phone call early in the morning from the owners of the jewelry store. My boss and I arrived at the store’s location to find that the thieves had come very well-prepared. They had drilled two holes in the Lexan panel, installed collapsible grappling hooks on chains through the panel, and apparently simply hooked the chains to a tow ball on the back of a large vehicle. The entire Lexan panel was laying on the sidewalk — completely undamaged except for some minor scratches and the two drilled holes — along with the chains and grappling hooks, having been completely jerked out of the storefront.

We all — the police, the store owners, my boss, and me — stood there gazing at the now-empty display window and cases in the store. The store had lost close to a million dollars in jewelry and expensive watches.

The owners immediately tried to blame our company for the failure of the Lexan panel to protect the store. We took the position that the Lexan had done exactly what we’d promised and that its mostly undamaged condition was a testament to that.

Our insurance company and their attorneys argued with their insurance company and attorneys in arbitration for months until the judge hearing the case finally found completely in our favor. His analogy and the lesson: when the plumber putting in your new toilet says you need to replace the floor under it, and that’s out of his scope of work, LISTEN TO HIM!

Everything Was Rushing Except Her Ability To Think

, , , | Right | November 9, 2022

A customer’s wedding is set for the weekend.

Customer: “I want my fiancé’s band engraved. I need it for the weekend!”

We charge for a rush job and call our engraver in on his day off. We call her the next day and deliver it.

Customer: “I don’t understand why I have to pay for a rush job when you got it done so fast?”

We tried to explain what a rush job meant, but she was too angry and confused to get it. She did eventually pay.

Is This A Thing? I Don’t Think It’s A Thing. Part 2

, , , , , , | Romantic | September 17, 2022

It’s the busy holiday season, and I’m helping a man find a gift for his wife. He’s not sure what he should get her, but he’s very polite, so I don’t mind taking some time to discuss options.

After he selects a lovely (and quite expensive) diamond ring, I check him out at the register. He takes his bag and turns to leave, and then he turns back and casually asks me the following.

Customer: “Oh, also, can I have your number?”

He’s so casual that it catches me completely off-guard.

Me: “Can you… what now?”

Customer: “Oh, this?” *Gestures to the gift bag* “This is a divorce gift.”

I’m stunned speechless for a second.

Me: “A… huh?”

Customer: “I’m divorcing her.”

Me: “WHAT?!”

I look back and forth from him to the jewelry bag, trying to wrap my head around this.

Me: “A divorce gift?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

He says this pleasantly like we’re making completely normal small-talk.

Customer: “So, anyway, can I have your number?”

Me: “Ummm… NO!”

Is This A Thing? I Don’t Think It’s A Thing.

Some People Have Never Been Told “No” And It Shows, Part 6

, , , , | Right | August 30, 2022

I work in a jewelry store.

Customer: “I have two small diamonds.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Can you combine them together into one larger diamond?”

Me: “…no. That’s not possible.”

She gives me a look like I am speaking a foreign language.

Me: “We don’t have anything near strong enough to do that.”

Again, she is all disbelief with her mouth agape, awaiting another response.

Me: “I… have nothing else to tell you, ma’am.”

She vaguely sauntered out of the store, still not believing someone had told her “no.”

Some People Have Never Been Told “No” And It Shows, Part 5
Some People Have Never Been Told “No” And It Shows, Part 4
Some People Have Never Been Told “No” And It Shows, Part 3
Some People Have Never Been Told “No” And It Shows, Part 2
Some People Have Never Been Told “No” And It Shows

This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 5

, , , , | Right | May 20, 2022

A young woman and her mother and father walk into the jewelry store where I work.

Woman: “Hi, I was hoping you could help me. My mom had a particular pair of earrings, but she lost one. Do you know if you have the same pair in stock?”

Me: “Do you have the other earring with you?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a photo of the earrings?”

Woman: “No. Why, do you need to see them?”

No, I don’t need to see the earrings. Let me just break out my crystal ball to know what pair of earrings, out of the hundreds in the store, you are hoping we have.

This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 4
This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 3
This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 2
This Job May Require Telepathy