I used to work at an engagement ring store. A woman and her fiancé came in, and her ring was mangled. They told us this amazing story of how she slammed her hand in a car door, and the ring was the only thing that kept her finger from breaking.

We repaired the ring for free and even got her an updated band style.

She came on her own a week later to pick up the new ring.

Me: “Wow, it’s so amazing the ring saved your finger!”

Customer: *Completely deadpan.* “Yeah, I lied. I hated the design my fiancé picked out, so I smashed that thing with a hammer.”

Years ago, I worked at a jewelry stand in a mall. A woman walks up, slaps a watch and a receipt on the counter, and goes on a long rant:

Customer: “You’re all just awful! This watch was a gift, and it broke minutes after my daughter put it on! You’ll give me my money back—”

Me: “Ma’am…”

Customer: “—and compensation for the inconvenience, and—”

Me: “—Ma’am!”

Customer: “—what?!”

Me: “This is [Jewelry Stand]. You got this at [Watch Stand].”

Customer: “Stop lying to get out of giving me my money back!”

I pick up the receipt and point to the [Watch Stand] logo on it, and then point over to the watch stand.

Customer: “Well… you shouldn’t look so similar!”

Me: “Yeah… anyhoo, [Watch Stand] is twenty feet over there with the giant replica of the same logo on the receipt. Oh look, it’s glowing!”

The customer snatches the receipt and watch back and storms off in a huff.

A customer is trying to look at some jewelry, and her little girl is bored, sliding on the polished floor. She slides on her back and hits my leg.

Me: “Oh! Hi there. Maybe don’t do that on the dirty floor, yeah?”

Mom: *Half distracted by the jewelry.* “Hun, get up off the floor.”

The little girl giggles and continues sliding on her back on the floor. I’ve tolerated it for a little bit, but some more customers are entering the store, so I need to intervene.

Me: “Ma’am, please keep your daughter close to you.”

Mom: *Calling out but not looking.* “Did you hear that, [Daughter’s Name]. Stay close.”

The little girl slides under her mom’s legs. Suddenly, she shouts:

Little Girl: “MOM! WHY DON’T YOU HAVE ON ANY PANTIES?!” 

The mom snapped to attention, dropped the jewelry she was checking, and dragged her out of the store quickly.

A couple is looking at our watches.

Customer: “It says that this watch is waterproof up to a hundred meters.”

Me: “That’s right.”

Customer: “Is that depth or distance?”

Me: “Uh… that’s depth, sir. If you’re swimming on the surface, your watch won’t know how far you’ve swum.”

Customer: “Don’t make me sound like an idiot! I had to make sure.”

Me: “I understand, sir.”

Customer: “How many people swim a hundred meters deep?! That’s like three hundred feet! No one does that, so it’s not a stupid question! There’s zero chance of me swimming a hundred meters of depth!”

Customer’s Wife: “Yeah, but there’s zero chance of you swimming a hundred meters of distance, either, so leave the poor man alone and just buy your stupid watch.”

Customer: “You sell precious stones, yeah?”

Me: “Of course. Was there something specific you were looking for?”

Customer: “Do you do Moon rocks?”

Me: “Like… rocks from The Moon?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not really something you can buy.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know. We’ve never actually been to the Moon. If we did, we’d actually have rocks from there.”

Me: “Uh… I’m not following, sir. You purposefully asked for something you knew we didn’t have?”

Customer: “Yeah! It was a test! I’ve been to dozens of jewelry stores, and none of you have Moon rocks! That proves that we’ve never been there!”

Me: “Right. Well, sir, if you’re not interested in buying anything that we do sell, then I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “The moon landing was faked, and I can prove it!”

Me: “Certainly, sir, but for now I will need to ask you to—”

Customer: “—you can see in the videos they have from the moon that there are shadows, but there are no lightbulbs on the moon! It was a studio!”

Me: “Yes, sir, totally obvious. Goodbye, now.”

He walked out then (praise Luna!), probably to find another jewelry store to “test.”

Related:
Conspiracy Weary, Part 8
Conspiracy Weary, Part 7
Conspiracy Weary, Part 6
Conspiracy Weary, Part 5
Conspiracy Weary, Part 4