Totally Estúpido! Part 10

, , , , | Right | March 21, 2020

(The company I work for sells jewelry on TV and is entirely based in the UK but has a show that airs in the USA. We do have a couple of employees that speak Spanish, but they are off today. We only get Spanish customers occasionally.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Company], [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Customer: *starts speaking Spanish*

Me: “Oh, I… I don’t speak Spanish.”

Customer: *speaks Spanish*

Me: “Uh, no hablo Español?”

Customer: *carries on speaking Spanish but much more slowly*

Me: “No hablo Español! I. Do. Not. Speak. Spanish.”

Customer: *in PERFECT English* “I f****** hate you guys.” *hangs up*

Totally Estupido, Part 9
Totally Estupido, Part 8
Totally Estupido, Part 7

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Sadly, This Happens On Your Watch

, , , | Right | October 28, 2019

(My workplace contains hundreds of watches and several different brands. This occurs far too often.)

Me: “Hi there. How are you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want to look at a watch in the window.”

Me: “Okay. Can you tell me what brand it is?”

Customer: “Uhhhh…” *…trails off, looking away*

Me: “Okay, can you tell me the price? The colour?”

(The customer shakes his head, beginning to get irritated.)

Me: *giving up* “Look, would you mind just going outside and pointing the watch out for me?”

Customer: “It’s out the front! I don’t understand how this is so difficult!”

Me: “We carry hundreds of items in our store. Do you really expect me to know what you want, with no information volunteered from you, just off the top of my head?”

Customer: “It shouldn’t be so hard to do your job!”

(Apparently, mind-reading is a part of the job description these days. Some people are ridiculously self-involved.)

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Strangled By Impatience

, , , | Right | October 15, 2019

(We have a big sale on at the moment and as a result, have quite a few different items displayed in our front window.)

Customer: “Where are the rest of the necklaces displayed in the window?”

Me: “Which necklaces are you after, ma’am?”

Customer: “The ones in the window!”

Me: “Ma’am, there are about five different types of necklace displayed in the window, and they are located in different areas in the store. Were you interested in one in particular?”

Customer: “I don’t have time for this! I just want to see the necklaces from the window!” 

(The customer then stormed out.)

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Unfiltered Story #168974

, , | Unfiltered | October 5, 2019

(We are shopping for an engagement ring in a small jewellery store, it is quiet with two other people looking around the staff have left us to browse.
A very tall, very slim man walks in behind us and starts acting very animated…)

Man: (to no one in particular) I’m just looking!!!

(We ignore him).

Man: (again no one is around) Typical, typical!

Staff: Can I help you sir?

Man: NO! (Screeching) I am just looking!

(At this point we try to move away from him).

Man: (Still screeching) I want that watch.

Staff: Good choice sir, that watch costs £550. It is a (brand) and is water resis..

Man: (Cutting her off) No! you will give it to me for free!

(At this point all the staff are nervously watching him, we have tried to make as much room as possible but he is blocking the entrance.)

Manager: (Stepping in) I’m sorry sir, we cannot do that. The watch costs £550. You can pay with cash or card. But you will not be getting it for free.

Man: Do you not know who I am? I need that watch! (he reaches over the counter, somehow even being over 6 foot he manages to miss both the watch and the member of staff).

Manager: I need you to leave, now!

(The manager starts to approach the man, trying to get him out of the store. Instead he backs into us. I put my fiancé behind me but with nowhere to go he is going to end up on top of us.)

Me: Hey! watch it.

Man: (Gabbing my coat) If I have to go, he does too!

(All attention is suddenly on me, the manager freezes, my wife grabs on to me, store security have just arrived but no one dares to come any closer. With my slim build and short height he towers over me. I hadn’t been in a fight since I left school many years ago and I have no idea what is going to happen next.)

Me: Get, off, me. now!

(He begins screeching and pulls at my coat, surprisingly to everyone (including myself) I don’t even flinch. Panicking he uses both hands, again I don’t move, despite the size of him, he weighs less than I do. Yet he won’t let go.)

Security: Sir, you need to let the gentleman go!

(He is cornered, security and the shop staff surround him, I am not moving no matter how hard he tries. A last ditch effort he throws all his weight behind him and tries to drag me over on top of him. Eventually I stumble, landing knee first into his gut, knocking any fight out of him. Security grab his arms and legs dragging him out of the store.)

Manager: I am so sorry sir, are you alright?

Me: Err, yeah actually.

Manager: Your not hurt at all?

Me: No, no i’m fine. Honestly I think our dog weighs more than he does.

Manager: Well I apologies anyway, you said you where looking for an engagement ring?

(We got a great deal that day on the ring, and an even better story. It turned out that the man was the son of the owner. Who partied away his allowance and previously was caught dipping his hand into the till. The manager assured me that this time he would not be coming back!)

What Is Meant By Spit And Polish

, , , , | Right | September 25, 2019

(I’ve been working in this jewelry store for a while, so I’m usually able to tell when a customer has a ring size that is larger than our regular size seven. A customer comes in and asks to see a white sapphire bridal set. Her ring finger is obviously quite larger than a seven.)

Me: “If you get the protection plan on this, resizing the ring will be free for life, no matter how many times it needs to be done.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry dear! It’ll fit!” *shoves the rings onto her finger with a bit of difficulty* “See?!”

Me: “Um, sure! Was there anything else you wanted to look at?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, there was something down this way…” *tries to take the rings off, but they’re really jammed* “Maybe I’ll use lotion to get it off…”

Me: “We’d rather you didn’t, as lotion really gunks up the ring. We actually use glass cleaner spray to help get rings off, if you’d like to try that first.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I can get it off.”

(She spits on her hand and all over the rings. She then wrenches them off her finger and tries to hand them back to me.)

Customer: “There we go!”

Me: *placing display pad closer to her* “You can just set them down there; I’ll put them back a bit later…”

(The customer wound up buying the rings after I cleaned them thoroughly. My employee had to go into the break room to keep from laughing.)

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