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This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 5

, , , , | Right | May 20, 2022

A young woman and her mother and father walk into the jewelry store where I work.

Woman: “Hi, I was hoping you could help me. My mom had a particular pair of earrings, but she lost one. Do you know if you have the same pair in stock?”

Me: “Do you have the other earring with you?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a photo of the earrings?”

Woman: “No. Why, do you need to see them?”

No, I don’t need to see the earrings. Let me just break out my crystal ball to know what pair of earrings, out of the hundreds in the store, you are hoping we have.

This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 4
This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 3
This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 2
This Job May Require Telepathy

At Least He Remembers Your Name! We Assume…

, , , , , , | Romantic | May 11, 2022

My boyfriend and I are doing some Christmas shopping. We decide to go into a department store to look for a kitchen item his mom has asked for. The entrance takes us by the jewelry section, so I stop to look at the pretty sparkly things. The main display we see is one centered around birthstones.

Me: “Oh, opal. That’s October’s birthstone.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, that’s too bad for you.”

Me: “Um… I think opal is pretty; it’s my mom’s birthstone. But I said it’s for October; it’s not my birthstone.”

Boyfriend: “Oh… right.”

Me: *Suspicious* “You know when my birthday is, right?”

Boyfriend: “Umm…”

I address him by his full first name instead of the shortened version he goes by.

Me: “[Boyfriend], when is my birthday?”

Boyfriend: “Listen—”

Me: “I know your birthday! It’s [his birthdate]. When is my birthday?”

Boyfriend: “I only know two birthdays, okay? My dad’s and my sister’s. I don’t even know my mom’s, because we always celebrate it on Black Friday regardless of when it actually falls.”

Me: “I know your mom’s birthday, too! It’s [her birthdate].”

In his defense, I only know this because his mom’s birthday JUST happened.

Boyfriend: “Um…”

Me: “Do you know what season it’s in, at least?”

He responds after way, way too long thinking about it.

Boyfriend: “Summer?”

Me: “Yes. Do you remember sitting outside at [Restaurant] for my birthday?”

Boyfriend: “Ohh, right. Please ignore me while I answer this totally unrelated text…”

Me: “You’re checking your calendar, aren’t you?”

Boyfriend: “[MY BIRTHDATE]! It’s [my birthdate].”

It’s been a few months. I’m not sure he’d remember if I asked him again!

Oil Have To Disagree With You There

, , | Right | December 16, 2021

I am trying to fix a watch but I need to oil it as it is too rusty. I explain this to the customer when they come in to collect it.

Customer: “You put moisture in my watch! You caused the rust!”

Me: “It was oil. Oil is not water. Oil doesn’t cause RUST. Perhaps don’t shower with your watch on.”

Their Deduction Skills Are Broken

, , | Right | December 13, 2021

A customer hands me their watch.

Customer: “It’s broken.”

Me: “Repairs start at [rate].”

Customer: “No. You’re the one who broke it.”

Me: “I couldn’t have broken it, sir.”

Customer: “How do you know that?!”

Me: “Because I’ve only had it for thirty seconds and you’ve been staring at me the whole time.”

Little Monsters Are Usually Raised By Bigger Ones

, , , , , , | Right | July 21, 2021

I work in a local jewelry shop and a mother approaches the counter with three small kids in tow. Our jewelry counter has an opening in the middle where our sales computer is. The mother is taking her time inspecting every piece of jewelry while her children are running wild, screaming and crying and wrestling with each other, and banging on our glass cases.

Me: “Excuse me, guys. You can’t wrestle in here. You could get very hurt.”

The small children get very shy and start to calm down. Mom at this point has finally selected the pieces she would like to put into layaway and I start explaining the process to her. I suddenly hear something fall over and it looks like one of the kids knocked over one of our displays. Thankfully, it was plastic but they still could get very hurt. I look at the mom and, of course, she isn’t watching her “things.”

Mom: *Texting on her phone* “Stop, guys.”

Me: “Ma’am, they could get very hurt. Could you please watch them just a bit closer? The display nearly fell on them.”

Mom: “Yeah, okay, sure. Just hurry up. I have somewhere to be at two.”

Clearly, she doesn’t care nor is she interested in the fact that her children are being little monsters. I’m trying my best to hold back my eye-roll and go to grab her paperwork. All I do is walk to the opposite end of the store where the printer is, and when I come back, the children are now behind the counter, banging on the cases, trying to open the doors to the jewelry, and throwing our smaller displays for rings and necklaces around. I’m in awe that this woman hasn’t even looked up from her phone to acknowledge the fact her kids are behind the counter.

Me: “You guys can’t be back here! Please go back around! Stop throwing those; they aren’t yours!”

Mom: “Don’t yell at my kids! I’ll have you know I chose to spend my money here and not at [Competitor], and they don’t yell at my kids! This is ridiculous! They probably wouldn’t be bored had you hurried up! We could be out of here by now!”

Me: “They can’t be back here trying to open our cases and destroying our property. They had already knocked down a display and I asked you to please watch them.”

Mom: “I want your manager, and I want compensation for the potential injury that could have happened to my children!”

I run to the back to grab my manager, who is also the owner, and explain the situation. She informs me that she has been watching behind the two-way mirror.

Owner: “Ma’am, I cannot allow this sale to happen. I have heard you just as well as seen you yell at my employee instead of at your rambunctious children. I have watched your children knock over our items and run behind the counter. I would like you to please exit our store.”

She walked out the door, leaving her children still in the store. She ended up coming back in and screaming for her kids to “get in the f****** car.” I’ve haven’t seen her or her kids again.