I work at a diamond ring shop. A woman brings in a diamond ring she bought from us and demands from my coworker:

Customer: “You need to fix this, and you need to do it now.”

Coworker: “Okay, can I look up your customer account?”

Customer: “What! Why?”

Coworker: “I need to see what kind of protection plan you purchased.”

The customer pales but provides her name. My coworker confirms some details and then says:

Coworker: “It appears you didn’t purchase a protection plan with us. We can still send your ring to our master jeweler, but it will cost—”

Customer: “—No. You will fix it for me. Now. For free.”

Coworker: “I’m not a licensed jeweler! I sell them, I don’t fix them. We have a master jeweler coming in tomorrow and they can—”

Customer: “—No. You or someone here will fix this for me right now.”

My coworker is looking a bit stressed, so I walk over and whip out a ‘release from liability form’ for her to sign.

Customer: “What’s this?!”

Me: “Basically a form saying we’ll attempt to fix it, but we can’t be blamed if we do a s***ty job because we’re not licensed jewelers.”

Customer: “I’m not signing that!”

Me: “I don’t blame you. It’s basically a form saying that instead of waiting a day and paying a $20 fix fee, you’re willing to risk destroying a $3,000 stone. I mean, you’d have to be stupid to want such a thing.”

The customer stared at the form for a long moment, and then announced they’d be back tomorrow.

A woman has had her necklace engraved with her name. She’s come into the store to collect it and tries it on.

Customer: *Looking at the necklace on herself, in the mirror.* “Oh, that’s disappointing.”

Me: “Oh no! Is there an issue with the necklace?”

Customer: “It’s just that in the mirror, my name is reversed.”

Me: “Well… yes, ma’am. In the mirror, all writing is… well… mirrored.”

Customer: “Yes, but I want to see my name when I look in the mirror. Can you fix it?”

Me: “You want the engraved writing on your necklace to say your name but… mirrored?”

Customer: “Yes, but I want other people to be able to read it okay when they see me too.”

Me: “No, ma’am, we can’t do that with your name.”

Customer: *Sighs.* “I guess this will have to do. Such a shame.”

I told my boss about the customer at the end of the day, and she laughed and asked:

Manager: “What was her name? Amber Gram?”

I work in a small jewelry store inside a mall. All of the jewelry stores are located in the same wing of the mall.

Customer: “I need to return this pearl necklace.”

She hands over the necklace and receipt.

Me: “Ma’am, this receipt is from another jewelry store just four stores down. They’ll be happy to help you!”

Customer: “Then your store gave me the wrong receipt! You need to refund this!”

Me: “Wow, it takes a special kind of entitled to accuse us of giving you a fake receipt instead of… just… admitting you made a simple mistake.”

Customer: “You can’t talk to customers like that!”

Me: “I don’t talk to customers like that. You’re not a customer, so I’m safe. Four stores down. Good luck.”

The customer demanded to speak to the manager, who literally laughed at her and told her to go to the correct store and to stop being crazy.

I work in a store that sells a lot of non-precious gems. My manager is talking to an angry customer. The customer storms out in a huff, then the manager walks over to me, looking tired.

Manager: “Can you put a sign up next to the Tiger’s Eyes?”

He points to a bowl of chatoyant gemstones. Their brown to yellow stripes give them their name.

Me: “Saying what?”

Manager: “That these are not real tiger’s eyes and no actual tigers were blinded in the sourcing of these minerals…”

Me: “I’d ask if you’re joking, but I know you’re not.”

Manager: “Thanks.”

Me: “While I’m at it, shall I make a sign saying that the moonstone isn’t stone from the actual moon?”

Manager: “Yeah… at this rate it’s gonna be needed.”

Customer: “What’s the birthstone for March?”

Me: “That would be aquamarine, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s a shame. I wanted to wear something on vacation.”

Me: “We have lots of jewelry options with aquamarine, ma’am, suitable for many occasions, including vacation.”

Customer: “So I can swim with an aquamarine ring?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “It won’t like, grow if you expose it to water?”

Me: “If it did, I’d be very rich.”