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Weed Now Legal In Canada: Engineering Some Wonderful Moments

, , , , , | Friendly | November 9, 2018

(Weed in Canada has recently been legalized. Riding the train home after a lunch date, I see this from across the aisle.)

Guy #1: *produces a mini-bong from one of his pockets and turns to his friend* “Give me my engineering degree!”

Guy #2: *instantly whips out and hands over a plastic straw*

Guy #1: *sticks it on the mini-bong, beams proudly at this engineering achievement, and smiles at his friend* “Thanks!”

(They missed their stop.)

Scariest Halloween Costume Turns Out To Be Middle-Aged Ladies Out On The Prowl For Conversations

, , , , , , , | Friendly | November 8, 2018

It’s Halloween and I’m walking home from work through a part of town known for its fancy stores.

I’m dressed in surgical scrubs and running shoes, with my work ID on a lanyard around my neck the way hospital employees wear theirs, and sprayed with fake blood.

A random woman, well-dressed and in her forties, stops me, and asks if I’m a surgeon. I tell her no. She then starts to talk to me about her medical problems.

Lady, seriously?

Wall-To-Wall Stubbornness

, , , , , | Right | November 8, 2018

(I work in a bakery that shares a wall with a restaurant. There are no doors, windows, or openings of any kind on this wall. One day, a man comes through the sales part of the bakery and right into the kitchen.)

Me: *startled* “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t be back here.”

Man: *patronizingly* “Oh, it’s okay.”

Me: “Actually, it’s not. I can take you up to the front if you’d like to order something.”

Man: “I don’t want anything from here! I’m going to [Restaurant].”

Me: “Oh, you can’t get there from here. You’ll have to go in their front door.”

Man: “No, I don’t; I’m going in their side door.”

Me: “Um… Okay. If you can find the side door, you are welcome to go through it.”

Man: “Hmph! That’s more like it!” *sees the solid wall and storms off*

Makes Your Stagnant Blood Boil

, , , , , | Working | November 8, 2018

(Every grocery store has problems with things being put or left in the wrong place, and not just because of the customers. A coworker has brought some items up to the front desk, where I am working, so they can be returned to the right spot.)

Coworker: “You’ll never guess where I found those. They were shoved behind a box of chips down .”

Me: “You think that’s bad, I’ve found—”

Coworker: “I’ve found an open box of condoms down [same wrong aisle] before.”

Me: “Wow, that beats what I was going to say. I’ve found eaten chicken wings in that aisle. Someone’s been throwing the bones behind the stuff on the shelves.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I’ve seen that, too.”

(After that we go back to our separate jobs, until this happens a couple hours later. I walk up to my coworker, who is stocking shelves.)

Me: “Okay, I can beat it now.”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “I just had to clean up blood from the bottom of the food bank bin.”

Coworker: “WHAT?!”

(Apparently, some leaking meat had mistakenly been placed in the food bank bin instead of being taken back to the meat department. When this was noticed, the meat was removed and disposed of, and the bin taken to the back for cleaning… and then eventually returned to the front without ever being cleaned. The bin was then left there for two days, until I decided to look for the source of the terrible smell. This was definitely the worst incorrectly-placed item I’ve ever had to deal with.)

Digging Their Nails Into Racist Stereotypes

, , , | Right | November 8, 2018

(I run a mobile spa business. I am at a bridal party doing manicures. I am making small talk with the client, the mother of the bride.)

Mother Of The Bride: “So, is this your business, or do you work for someone?”

Me: “It’s my business.”

Mother Of The Bride: “Now all you need are the slanty eyes.”

Me: *speechless*