You Can’t Massage The Truth

, , , | Right | September 18, 2017

(I work at an airport spa as a receptionist and nail manicurist, and some pretty wacky people come through here. I’m 17, but look a little younger than that. My appearance tends to attract older, creepy men to ask me strange questions. One day, a man enters the spa, and this interaction happens:)

Man: “I was wondering about a massage; what are my options?”

Me: “Of course. These are your options right here.” *I show him the list of massages available.*

Man: “So, if I get a table massage, what will you do?”

(My coworker is the massage therapist and has just exited the massage room, so she hears the rest of this conversation.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I’m not the therapist, I just do—”

Man: “I AM THE CUSTOMER, AND I DEMAND THAT YOU MASSAGE ME. I AM PAYING!”

Me: “I’m well aware that you are a paying customer, but I legally cannot provide that service. I am only licensed to do nai—”

Man: “YOU MUST DO THE SERVICE, OR I WILL COMPLAIN!”

Me: “Certainly. Let me give you my supervisor’s number, so that you can complain about a service I legally cannot provide you.”

Man: *his face goes red* “I… WELL, I NEVER!”

Me: “I am a manicurist, though.”

Man: “I WANT A MASSAGE!”

Me: “Of course. Sign in here for me, then.”

Man: “I want you to do it.”

Me: “Please leave; we cannot provide you a service.” *It’s nearly midnight, and my patience has all but evaporated.*

(The man glares at me for a full minute, before literally running out.)

Coworker: “He really wanted that massage.”

Me: “Yeah, I don’t understand why he insisted on me, though.”

Coworker: “You’re too innocent to be working at an airport.”

(She explained later why he really wanted me to do it. I was not flattered.)

She’s Not Getting The Massage

, | USA | Right | August 18, 2016

I work at a massage spa that also has a sauna. One day, two ladies come in and use the sauna together. After they’ve left, I find one of their phones while I am cleaning.

Since we have their numbers on file, I try calling one of the ladies, which rings the phone I have. I therefore call the second lady, who answers. I tell her to notify her friend that I have her phone. She agrees, and says she will tell her friend right away.

However, as soon as I hang up, her friend’s phone lights up with a text:

“the spa has your phone”

What part of “I have your friend’s phone” didn’t she understand?

 

Dear Readers. We realize that dialogue-driven stories are our bread and butter, but we thought we’d experiment with the occasional non-dialogue story. Let us know what you think in the comments!

Making A New Disappointment

| Canada | Right | July 28, 2016

(This patient has missed two appointments back to back before this one. An hour before her appointment she gets her mother to call in sick for her. She’s in her mid 20s. We have a 24-hour cancellation policy that I waved for the first two missed appointments.)

Reception: “Due to policy, we will have to charge your daughter for this missed appointment.”

Customer’s Mom: “I CAN BRING HER IN TO SHOW JUST HOW SICK SHE IS.”

Reception: “I’m sorry but it is policy. You daughter missed two appointments in a row before this appointment. I’m sorry but there will be a charge.”

Customer’s Mom: “FINE! She’ll just never come back in then.”

(The mother is a regular of mine. And, just because you don’t come in doesn’t mean you can get out of paying.)

Trying To Tip You Over The Edge

| NJ, USA | Right | May 5, 2016

(I work at a popular spa, and we frequently get customers in to buy gift cards.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Spa]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, yes, I want to buy a gift card for a prenatal massage. I have a $10 off coupon.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. So you now you just owe $64 instead of $74 since you gave me your coupon.”

Customer: “Okay, can I add tip onto there, too?”

Me: “Sure, no problem. How much could I put on here for you?”

Customer: “Better make it $20.”

(I ring her out, and charge her $64 for the gift card and another $20 for the pre-paid tip so now she owes a total of $84.)

Me: “Okay, great. Your total is $84. How would you like to pay for that?”

Customer: “Wait, why am I being charged $84? You just said the massage is only $64.”

Me: “Yes, but you added $20 on for tip, so that equals $84.”

Customer: “But the massage is $64.”

Me: “Yes. You added $20 for tip. All together that is $84.”

Customer: “But I gave you a coupon.”

Me: “Yes… which brought down the pre-natal massage total down to $64 instead of $74. You then added tip.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(She leaves. About ten minutes later, I see her walking back into my store:)

Customer: “Excuse me, I just bought this gift card for a pre-natal massage and I was charged $84 instead of $64, why?”

Me: “Yes… you added $20 tip.”

Customer: “But why was I charged $84?”

Me: “…You were charged $64 for the massage on the gift card, and then you added $20 onto the gift card as a pre-paid tip.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(She leaves again. About 20 minutes later, we get a call at the spa.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Spa]. How may I help you?”

Same Customer: “Hi, I just bought a gift card from you guys and I bought it for $64. I just looked at my receipt and it says I was charged $84. Why?”

Me: *sighs*

Trying To Massage An Awkward Situation

| Lyon, France | Right | December 31, 2015

(Due to my stressful job, I regularly indulge myself in beauty culture or massages to help me relax. This time, I’m forced to cancel a long-awaited appointment two hours before it’s due. The following texting ensues.)

Me: “Hello, Mrs. [Therapist], I’m so sorry I won’t make it today. I’ll contact your assistant next week for a new appointment. Hopefully it won’t be a problem. Thanks for your understanding.”

Therapist: “That’s okay.”

(I thought nothing of it, until I received a second text half an hour later.)

Therapist: “Actually, this is not okay. I want you to know this is very rude to let me now only two hours before the appointment, instead of telling me yesterday or so. This is very inappropriate and you should be ashamed.”

(I guess she needed to pass her anger at me, but I decided I wouldn’t let her ruin my day, so I answered.)

Me: “I also could have chosen not to let you know at all, but I thought it was more decent to tell you. I agree I owe you an explanation. See, I’m having my period right now and I’m suffering enough to consider that a belly massage isn’t such a good idea. Since I’ve been such a rude person, I hope you will accept my apologies, but your answer let me guess that you don’t really need more customers. I sincerely hope you will overcome the irritation.”

(No news after this. The kicker ? She was supposed to give massages to help you with your anger management. I guess she would have needed one too!)

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