In A Vicious (Motor)Cycle

, , , | Friendly | December 1, 2017

(I go to university with a girl who seems book-smart, but not at all street-smart. This is what happens one early September. I’m walking up the street when I hear her call my name. I turn and look to see her in her driveway with her boyfriend, a motorcycle in between them. I walk over to say hi, in awe of the motorcycle I have never seen them with before.)

Me: “Wow, nice motorcycle! Is it your roommate’s?”

Friend: “No, it’s mine! I just bought it!”

Me: *shocked* “Oh!”

Friend: “Yep, I couldn’t afford a car, so I got a motorcycle.”

(We go to school in a place that is known for its large amount of snow in the winter time. Driving a motorcycle in snow is difficult and dangerous, so it seems unlikely she’ll be able to use it much.)

Me: “Oh, wow! I had no idea you had your motorcycle license.”

Friend: “I don’t; I am going to practice and then get it.”

Me: “Does… Does [Boyfriend] know how to drive a motorcycle?”

Friend: “No; we’re going to learn together.”

Me: “…?”

(I run into her again not even a week later.)

Me: “Hey, [Friend], how’s the motorcycle?”

Friend: “Oh, that didn’t work out. I’m selling it.”

Me: “Oh, really?”

Friend: “Yeah, I had a scary moment with it and I can’t get myself to try again.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

Friend: “Yeah, but the good news is that the guy who sold it to me on [Website] sold it for less than it is actually worth, so I’m going to sell it for more than that and make a profit.”

Me: “Okay, then, good luck.”

(No word yet on how her theory worked out.)

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When God Takes Out The Trash, You’ll Be First

, , , | Friendly | December 1, 2017

(I am a professional photographer. I am photographing a wedding at a large local basilica, located in the downtown area of my city, waiting on the front steps for the bride to arrive. Some of the guests are already arriving. As one goes to head in, a person walking on the street walks up to the guests.)

Stranger: “Hey, do you think you could help me?”

Guest: “Sure thing. Is everything all right?”

Stranger: “Yeah, go see if your god has a trash can.”

(The random guy shoves an empty coffee cup into the guest’s hands, then walks away.)

Guest: “Um… okay?”

(I felt so bad for the guest that I took the cup to a trash can inside for him. I am not religious myself, but I was still very peeved at the random guy. Have some respect!)

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They Have Sunday Special Needs

, , , | Right | December 1, 2017

(We have a regular who comes through drive-thru almost every Sunday and orders the “Sunday special” – something she made up on her own. I’m still a new employee at this point, and the cashier and supervisor working with me are transfers from another location. This is the first Sunday shift for all three of us.)

Cashier: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Sunday special.”

Cashier: *blank look* “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what that is. Can you please tell me?”

Customer: “Give me the manager.”

Supervisor: “I’m the supervisor for this shift. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “She doesn’t know what I want. You ring it in.”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re asking for, either. But if you tell us, we can get it for you.”

Customer: “I’ve been coming here for years.”

Supervisor: “That may be, but we do have new staff on today, including myself. Unfortunately, we don’t know what your order is.”

Customer: “Oh, the young lad knows. He takes my order.”

(The supervisor and cashier both turn to look at me.)

Me: “Hey, this is my first Sunday, too. I have no idea who she is.”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, nobody that’s working right now knows your order. But we can make it, if you tell us what it is.”

Customer: “It’s written down in your store; they told me it’s written down.”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, but we don’t keep track of orders that way. We will make your order, if you can let us know what it is.”

(She finally gave it to us: a plain hamburger, with lettuce and tomato on the side. She did this every time someone didn’t understand her.)

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“Every Day” With You Is Another Day Wasted

, , , , , , , | Romantic | December 1, 2017

(I get invited to go camping with a good female friend of mine, her boyfriend, and a few other friends. I agree, thinking it’ll be fun, but things eventually change. My female friend breaks up with her boyfriend, who she planned the trip with, and starts dating another guy in our friend group. Soon, others drop out of the camping trip so it’s just my female friend, her current boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend, and me. I can see that this could potentially be awkward, but the campsite is already reserved and my female friend begs me to go. Once she assures me that everything between her and her ex-boyfriend is fine, I decide to still go. Early on in the trip, it becomes evident that everything is not okay with her ex-boyfriend. To make matters worse, the female friend and her current boyfriend decide that the best way to soften the blow for him is to try and set him up with me, since I am single. Finally, after two nights of this awkwardness, I decide to talk to the ex-boyfriend. Since we are friends, I want to let him know that I didn’t want this setting up. I also want to see if he is all right.)

Me: “Hey, [Ex-Boyfriend], I feel really bad that [Female Friend] keeps on trying to push you onto me. Just to let you know, I did not ask her to do that. This is completely random and I just want to make sure you are okay.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Oh, it’s hard. It’s just so soon after we broke up. How can she move on so soon?”

Me: “I’m sorry, bud. It is messed up that’s for sure. Look: I’ve told them to stop. I think they know they crossed a line and won’t do it anymore.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Thanks, [My Name]. I mean, you’re great and all, but I couldn’t spend every day with you.”

Me: “What?”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Well, to be in a relationship, you have to spend every day with someone. There’s no way I could do that with you.”

(He then went on to explain that I was probably single because others felt this way. He said this as if it was completely normal, while I started to cry and count the days until the trip was over. Fast forward the years, and I am no longer friends with any of these people. The “friend” who said those words to me never understood why I never spoke to him again. I get that he wasn’t having the best time on the trip, but he didn’t need to kick me while he was down.)

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Willing To Pay Taupe Dollar

, , , , , , | Working | November 30, 2017

(I am checking out at a bookstore which offers throw blankets at a reduced price if you spend enough on other purchases. The blankets, all of which are shades of brown or grey, are on three shelves behind the cashier. Neither of us is stupid in this story; it’s just a miscommunication.)

Cashier: “Would you like to buy one of our throw blankets today? It would only be $29.”

Me: “Yes, I would, actually.” *pointing* “I’ll take one of the top ones.”

Cashier: *looking confused* “Top? Is that how you pronounce it?”

Me: *looking equally confused* “Yes?”

Cashier: *reaching for a blanket from the top shelf* “We’ve been saying ‘taupe.’”

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