Fresh Line-Caught Vegetables

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2017

Employee: “What can I get for you, sir?

Customer: “Roast beef on white.”

Employee: “And what kind of vegetables would like on your sandwich, sir?”

Customer: “Tuna.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but we usually do not consider tuna to be a vegetable.”

Customer: “DO IT!”

Employee: “Sir, tuna is not—”

Customer: “TUNA! DO IT!”

(The employee eventually gave up and the customer received his roast beef sub with tuna-vegetable.)

You’ll Get The Meaning In Your Dreams

, , , | Romantic | June 2, 2017

Husband: “Hey, [My Name]. I was reading about dream interpretation.”

Me: “Oh, cool.”

Husband: “I looked up a dream I had last night on [Dream Website] and it’s pretty accurate. Can I try yours?”

Me: “I don’t think you will be able to.”

Husband: “Did you forget your dream?”

Me: “No, but it’s probably just a weird, meaningless dream.”

Husband: “Tell me anyway. It’s probably on there.”

Me: “Uh…okay. Last night I had a dream where I turned on the car radio and it was Barney the dinosaur singing to the tune of ‘If you’re happy and you know it’, ‘The Cheeto in the middle will not bark; the Cheeto in the middle will not bark’ and saying ‘Yeah, it’s Tuesday!’”

Husband: “Yeah… that’s not on here.”

That… Wasn’t Fish

, , , | Right | June 1, 2017

(I work in the seafood dept at my local grocery store.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like a fillet of fish, please.”

Me: “Ok, what kind of fish, sir?”

Customer: “A fillet of fish!”

(I inform him that a fillet is not a type of fish but a type of cut, like a steak.)

Customer: “No, you’re wrong. I get it all the time at [Fast Food Restaurant]!”

(I repeat what a fillet is, and show the customer a sign on our table reading “Salmon fillet” to get my point across)

Customer: “What the h*** have I been eating at [Fast Food Restaurant]?!”

Unfiltered Story #88990

, | Unfiltered | June 1, 2017

I went to check the customer washrooms near the end of my shift (the employees had their own washroom), and the men’s washroom was empty, but heavy with smoke. In the stall there was an assortment of marijuana roaches on the back of the toilet, and a heroin needle in the trash. So much for our small-town establishment!

Job-Seek And Destroy

, , , , , | | Working | May 31, 2017

(I am the manager at a shoe store. We are hiring seasonal employees for the summertime. A teenage girl comes in to hand in her resume. I review it and a week later we set up an interview time via email.  However, when her interview time comes around a different girl comes in.)

Girl #2: “Hi, I’m here for my interview with [My Name].”

Me: “Uh, are you [Name On The Resume]?”

Girl #2: “Yes.”

Me: “Huh. I could’ve sworn it was a different girl who came here two weeks ago. She had bright red hair and cat eye-glasses. Did you change your look?”

Girl #2: “Oh, no, it was a different girl. I was studying for my finals so I had my best friend go around and hand out my resumes.”

Me: “You know that’s kind of misleading, right? A lot of employers place first impressions very high on their list. I agreed in an email to an interview with the girl who handed in the resume. You know she didn’t even tell me she wasn’t you?”

Girl #2: “Oh, yeah, I told her not to. I felt it would be too confusing.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

(Her phone dings and she unlocks her phone right in front of me.)

Girl #2: “Oh, my mom just texted me that I should mention I’m going to be going away for most of July. We’re going to Cuba for my graduation gift. This won’t be a problem, right? You guys need employees and I can work for most of the summer. Well, until August… I think. Let me text my mom and—”

Me: “I think you should just go home.”

(Honest to God, this wasn’t even the worst possible employee that came in.)

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