It is my mother’s fiftieth birthday and she has invited not only her friends but also my best friend of twenty-two years and her four-year-old daughter who I consider my niece.

Despite our long friendship, my friend hasn’t been around my mom since becoming a mom herself and still worries if things are “okay or not,” despite my assurances that the toddler is welcome. 

In this case, we are all sitting on a patio surrounded by woodchips and rocks enjoying lunch. My niece is playing with a number of toys provided by my mom and decides to grab a nearby towel from another corner of the patio, bring it over, and sit on it while she eats strawberries.

My friend sees that the towel is white and blue.

Friend: “Oh, gosh, she might stain that! Should I move her?”

I turn to my mother and speak in a deadpan tone.

Me: “Hey, Mom, [Niece] is on the towel eating strawberries; should [Friend] move her to prevent stains?

Mom: *To my friend* “It’s fine; just leave her. I’ve survived four kids, two grandsons—”

Me: “—running two daycares—”

Mom: “—and there is nothing that child could do or destroy that can’t be fixed or replaced. She’s absolutely fine doing what she’s doing.”

Friend: *Realizing she is not kidding* “Oh, okay, thank you.”

Mom: “Besides, that towel is usually for keeping the dogs from burning their feet on the cement. It’ll see worse.”

That made my friend laugh and visibly relax for the rest of the day as she finally accepted that, in my mother’s house, we really do live by the motto, “Things can be replaced and kids bounce, so it’s all good.”

I work at a fast food place. Our particular restaurant has two windows in the drive-thru; the first window is where you pay and the second window is where you actually get your food.

The manager on shift with me is only a handful of days older than me, so we get along very well. A coworker of mine is in back drive — the first window — and has been repeatedly making beginner mistakes, even after we correct him, such as REPEATEDLY selling ice cream even though we are holding off for a while to let the ice cream firm up.

Me: “Ah, crap, [Coworker] sold ice cream again.” *Over the headset* “Hey, stop selling ice cream.”

Manager: “Seriously? Okay, see if they want anything else in exchange.”

Me: “You know, you can always put me in back drive; that way, the line will move faster.”

This is a result of me having multiple eight-hour shifts doing nothing but back drive. I am now probably one of the best people to go back there.

Manager: “I don’t want to do that to you; you’re always back there.”

Me: “True.”

No less than five minutes later, after at LEAST four previous reminders…

Me: “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! [Coworker] sold another [ice cream]!”

Manager: *Long pause* “Go to back drive.”

I work in a fairly high-end wine shop that has an extremely knowledgeable customer base, so I am used to dealing with people who have a pretty good idea of what they like or want.

Customer: “Can you recommend a red wine under $20?”

Me: “Sure, any type in particular?”

Customer: “No, just a red wine.”

Me: “Okay… How about this Cabernet Sauvignon for $18?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want Cabernet or Pinot or Zinfandel or anything… just plain red wine.”

Me: “…?”

Customer: “Yeah, I don’t want one of those wines that’re made from a grape variety, just, you know, plain, regular red wine.”

Me: “…?”

Customer: “Like this one, over here!”

They point to a bottle of Aglianico del Vulture, with the words “red wine” in very small print on the label.

Customer: “See?! ‘Red wine.’”

Me: “Um, that one is made from a grape too. It’s Aglianico.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll just take something that’s really smooth.”

I am at a convenience store. They have a promo where, when you fill a certain size cup with ice, then HOT coffee, and then cream as you like, it is only 99 cents. Some locations do this; THIS particular location stopped early.

I don’t know what side of the rock this employee woke up on, but apparently, it was the wrong one. We have this pleasant exchange:

Employee #1: “Hey, this is ICED COFFEE!”

They also sell a brand of ready-made iced coffee. It’s too sweet for me and it’s very expensive!

Me: “Actually, it’s just regular coffee with creamer in it.”

Employee #1: “No, no, no. This is iced coffee. You have to use special cups! They’re a different price!”

I’m getting a bit irritated at this point.

Me: “Actually, when you fill a [branded soft drink size] with ice, and then coffee, it’s only 99 cents.”

Employee #1: “Hmm, no. This is iced coffee and you’re going to have to pay full price.”

The “full price” is close to $3.00!

Me: “I was here two days ago and there was no problem. Now, all of a sudden, there’s some kind of problem?”

Employee #1: “Nope. We don’t do that.”

Employee #2: “Yeah, you have to pay a different price.”

I then notice the signs from the promo; they are stashed atop a shelf in the back. It dawns on me…

Employee #1: “Yeah, we’ve done this. But I’ll do this for you just this one time! After that, you pay full price.”

I hand him my phone with the [Convenience Store] app to scan — Buy any six drinks, get a seventh free! — and he reaches over to scan my phone, but then drops his hand suddenly and looks at me, rather angry.

Five whole seconds pass with silence until [Employee #1] SIGHS with exasperation.

Me: “What? Did something happen?”

Employee #1: *Sigh* “Look at your phone.”

Somehow another screen had popped up.

Would it have killed the guy to tell me that their promo had ended? Literally every other location did this except this one. Also, tell someone their phone’s screen messed up instead of making them guess!

I walked out of there vowing to never go back to that location. The next day, I went to a location twice as far away; they still have my iced coffee! Happy day!

Some friends and I go to go see a movie at the local theater. It is a newly released movie, so the show is sold out; we got tickets ahead of time. When we get into the theater, we find people sitting in our seats.

Me: “Oh, hey, I’m sorry, but those are our seats, and since the show is sold out, I can’t really move to another seat.”

The couple looks confused.

Man: “Um, no, these are our seats.”

He presents his tickets, and lo and behold, they have the same seats as we do. We all go outside and speak to the help desk. As it turns out, they accidentally purchased the same seats but for a different time. They apologize, and we return to the theater. 

However, the lady sitting directly in front of us seems to think we are seat thieves.

Lady: “You teenagers should have shown respect to that couple. You come in here and steal the seats of people already sitting!”

She glares at us, but as the movie is starting, she settles down.

About fifteen minutes into the movie, I lean over to my friend to ask if I could have some of her candy. The lady spins around in her seat and hisses at us.

Lady: “If you and your little friend are going to insist on talking through this whole movie, you’d better rethink that now.”

We were confused and simply nodded, not wanting any further trouble. When the movie was over, we saw the lady in the lobby complaining to the help desk and insisting she needed a refund because we had ruined the experience.