Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Literally Defies Explanation

, , , | Right | June 25, 2018

(My friend and I are selling tickets to a show at our university. A group of four women come in and order five tickets. We check them out and they wander over to merchandise on the other side of the hall. Several minutes later, a man walks by our table without buying a ticket. I flag him down when we finish dealing with the customer he had walked around.)

Me: “Sir, do you have a ticket?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(My friend and I look at one another.)

Friend: “I’m sorry, but we don’t remember you buying one from us.”

Customer: “But I didn’t.”

Me: “But you have a ticket?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can I see it?”

Customer: “No.”

(My friend and I exchange another worried look.)

Me: “Sir, where is your ticket?”

Customer: *points across crowded lobby* “She has it over there.”

Me: *to friend* “Is he pointing towards [Staff Member]?”

Friend: “I have no idea.”

Customer: “[Unintelligible Name] has my ticket.”

Me: *to friend* “Do you know her?”

Friend: “No?”

Customer: “She has my ticket!”

(Awkward pause.)

Me: *to friend* “Waaaait… the group who bought five tickets.”

Customer: “Yes, my wife bought it!”

(Couldn’t just explain yourself, huh?)

This Interaction Is Longer Than The Movie

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2018

(I’m working concession one day. Our theater is in a large plaza with other businesses. I live in a fairly well-known college town, so I often help guests who are foreign and have come to the US for schooling. I’m approached one day by a timid young man who speaks in broken English.)

Customer: “I… uh… Chinese buffet that used to be in the plaza?”

Me: “Oh, they closed about six months back, sorry.”

Customer: “Oh… any… others in area?”

Me: “There is one about two miles down the road. You turn out of the left side of the parking lot, and it’s pretty much a straight shot down the road.”

Customer: *friendly* “Okay, okay! Thanks!”

(He leaves. About ten minutes later, he wanders back inside and walks right up to me.)

Customer: “Too cold to walk!”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “When does the bus come?”

Me: “Oh, I think there’s one like every half-hour. You can catch it at the stop a few stores down.”

Customer: “I must wait a half-hour?”

Me: “Yeah, you’ll probably have to.”

Customer: *slightly annoyed* “Okay, thanks.”

(He again leaves. About 20 minutes later, he walks back in, and walks right up to me.)

Customer: “You didn’t say I have to pay for bus!”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Customer: “Where again is buffet? I walk.”

(I explain again, and he leaves… about 45 minutes later, you guessed it! He returns.)

Customer: “Too cold to walk!”

Me: *annoyed by this point* “Look, sir, I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else to say.”

Customer: “You sell food, right?”

Me: “Yes, this is a movie theater, so we do offer concessions. Would you like something?”

Customer: “Chicken?”

Me: “We have chicken tenders, yes. Would you like some?”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Would you like a drink with that?”

Customer: “Okay, coke.”

(I set his tenders to cook, and fetch him his coke.)

Me: “That will be $12.”

Customer: “No, shouldn’t be that much.”

Me: “Sir, this is a movie theater. Our concessions are expensive.”

Customer: *angry* “Fine! Fine!”

(He pays without protest. I hand him his drink.)

Customer: “Straws?”

Me: “They will be at the condiment counter in the corner.”

Customer: *shouting* “Oh. Pay a lot; I should get straw from you!”

(He wanders over to get his straw. In the meantime, his chicken finishes, so I hand it to him as he returns with his straw.)

Customer: “Very good! Knife and fork?”

Me: “Sir, this is a movie theater. Our foods are meant to be finger foods. We don’t have knives and forks.”

Customer: “This is very bad place! I don’t understand this place! Napkins?”

Me: *about to scream* “They’re back at the condiment counter, right next to the straws, sir. You were just in front of them.”

Customer: *annoyed* “This is very strange service for restaurant! I don’t agree! No knives? No forks? I must get my own napkin! This is very strange service! You‘re a bad man!”

Me: *annoyed* “Sir, this is not a restaurant! This is a movie theater! You’ve been coming in for over an hour now. You’ll need to leave if you keep coming up to me and delaying me from helping other guests without even buying a ticket.”

Customer: “Strange service!”

(I watched him sit for nearly an hour, slowly eating his chicken, before he finally left. I saw him about an hour later when my shift ended, still walking around nonsensically at the plaza, and he was still there when I got on my bus 15 minutes later.)

Your Eyesight Is Poop

, , , , , | Friendly | June 22, 2018

(We have just gotten a new puppy and we are working on potty training, as it’s a new environment and new people. Understandably, she’s been under a lot of stress and has had a few accidents in the house. But after a few accident-free days, she gets the runs in the house and as we are working on potty training, we still take her out. Today, I have been up since six am cleaning up accidents and Googling how to make her feel better ,until about seven when I try taking her out again. She squats, but nothing comes out so we just walk away.)

Random Neighbor: *on his balcony* “HEY! I SAW YOU! PICK UP YOUR POOP!”

Me: “There is literally nothing to pick up! What do you want me to do?”

Random Neighbor: “PICK IT UP!”

(I walk back with a baggie and pretend to pick up poop, since there’s nothing there.)

Random Neighbor: “See, was that so hard!”

Me: “…?”

(Seriously, I get it. We all want a clean, poop-free park. But unless you are the poop police, and you are going to come down and take pictures of said poop as evidence, maybe don’t shout at people at seven am!)

Still Has Blind Faith In People

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 21, 2018

I regularly go to a local park to walk my dogs. I stumble and fall on the grass.

There are few people about. I am aware of someone passing me, but he doesn’t stop.

As I get up I see a man about twenty yards away apparently staring at me, but he makes no move towards me at all.

I am hurting. It isn’t bad, but I am surprised that two people have ignored me as I am a woman over 50 and therefore more likely to have people ask me if I am okay in such a situation.

However, as I observe them, it becomes clear that the man who passed me as I fell is very small of build and has significant cerebral palsy. The man further off was not staring at me at all, as he is blind. “What are the chances?!” I thought.

How Tired Is Your Soul?

, , , | Right | June 21, 2018

(A customer of about college age comes in to the store. We’re going to close the store in ten minutes and it’s dark out.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I have the souls of the innocent, please?”

Me: *confused* “Er… could you repeat that, sir?”

Customer: *slightly irritated* “Can I have the souls of the d***ed, please?”

Me: “Sir, we’re a fast food place, and we don’t dabble in black magic of any kind.”

Customer: “What?”

(I then notice the dark bags under his eyes and realise he’s either high, tired, or both.)

Me: “You asked for the souls of the innocent?”

Customer: “S***. Sorry, I haven’t slept properly since Monday… seven years ago.”

Me: *laughs* “Well, it’s okay. What can I actually get you?”

(The rest of the order went without a hitch, but he was very embarrassed and apologised the entire time he was in the store.)