Bizarre Behavior Themed Giveaway Roundup

, | Not Always Right | Right | December 4, 2013

Bizarre Behavior Themed Giveaway Roundup! Here’s a final roundup of stories from last month’s themed giveaway!

  1. Was Not Performed In Chest (1,138 thumbs up)
  2. This Store Takes Credit (1,0673 thumbs up)
  3. A Sudden Stamp Of Recognition (1,737 thumbs up)
  4. Doesn’t Give Two Hoots About Listening (2,203 thumbs up)
  5. A Streetcar Named Cheshire (1,604 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Driving In Laps

, , , , | Right | November 21, 2013

(I used to work as a police officer back in old Yugoslavia. One summer night, I do a routine stop for a speeder. Surprisingly, it’s an old Fiat 500. I walk up and the window rolls down. I see the driver, a man. On his lap is a woman.)

Me: “Um, sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Man: “Yes, I think I was speeding.”

Me: “You think? Well, it’s also because you have a woman on your lap.”

Man: “What are you talking about? I don’t have anyone on my lap!”

Me: “Sir, I am not stupid. There is a woman on your lap!”

Man: “Officer, I assure you there is no woman on my lap! Have you been drinking tonight?”

Me: “Okay, then. Sir, please step out of the car.”

Man: “What? I’ve done nothing wron—”

Me: “Step out of the car, sir.”

(The man comes out and so does the woman on his lap. As they exit, I look into the car and see another man in the passenger seat, also with a woman on his lap.)

Me: “Everyone step out of the car!”

(The other man and his woman friend stepped out as well, but unbelievably I saw another six women come out of the back seat, three of whom had been sitting on the other women’s laps. As they all lined up in front of me, I still couldn’t believe my eyes. Ten people — two men and eight women — somehow piled into this one tiny little car. I was so astonished that I let them go! I just made sure no one was drunk and that the driver had an open lap. Even then, I still followed them home to make sure they didn’t get into a wreck.)

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No Paws For Thought, Part 2

, , | NC, USA | Right | September 12, 2013

(I am disabled and have a service dog that assists me. My disability isn’t physical, so sometimes people stop me to try and figure out what my service dog is for. He is completely trained and certified. I am shopping when another customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Oh, are you training that service dog? How kind of you!”

Me: “Actually, he’s my service dog. He’s completely trained.”

Customer: “But you aren’t blind!”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “How DARE you take a service dog away from a blind person? You ought to be ashamed!”

Me: “Ma’am, not all disabilities are visible. Plenty of people who aren’t blind have service dogs. He’s not trained to assist the blind.”

Customer: “You’re just faking it! He’s just a pet and you’re lying! Give me that!”

(The customer grabs for my service dog’s leash. The leash is looped around my chest and shoulders like a purse, so this does not go well. An employee of this store sees the altercation happen, and comes running over.)

Employee: “Ma’am! Let go of the dog!”

Customer: “No! This girl is lying! He’s not a real service dog and she’s not blind!”

Me: “Let go! This is assault!”

Customer: *pushes down on my service dog’s behind* “Sit! Sit! Bad dog!”

(I physically yank away from her and give my service dog the signal to tuck in behind me. The lady grabs him by the tail and he yelps.)

Customer: “See?! See?!”

(The employee keeps trying to get the customer to leave me alone, but she starts to grab at any part of us she can get to. The security officers show up and haul the screaming customer away. As they drag her out of the store, she is still yelling about me being a liar.)

Employee: “Oh, my God! I am so sorry! I have never seen anyone so crazy!”

 

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Hold The Garlic Bread

, | NY, USA | Right | August 1, 2013

(I work the late shift at a pizza parlor, and am taking over delivery for a sick coworker instead of working the register as I usually do. I cycle up to the apartment that’s listed on the bill and knock on their door. The customer doesn’t answer so I knock harder.)

Me: “Your pizza’s here!”

(The door slowly creaks open. The lights are all off, almost like a horror movie, and I take a step back in surprise.)

Me: “Uhm… hello?”

(Unnerved, I turn to get the heck out of there, when I hear something moving. I look back in the house, and some guy is standing there, nearly invisible in the dark.)

Me: “Oh, haha, I didn’t see you there. Here’s your pizza, sir. You ordered online, so you’re good to go!”

Customer: “Who darez to tahlk to ze Count in zees mannehr?!”

(I realize that he’s wearing a full Dracula costume, complete with bloody fangs and a cape. He’s staring at me with Bela Lugosi’s signature death glare.)

Me: “Uh… Frank, the pizza delivery guy?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Dihd you breeng extra ov zee leetle sauce packeets for ze breedsteecks?”

Me: “Uh… yeah, yeah, they should be in the box.”

Customer: “Exceeleent! Have a vunderful night, my child!”

(The customer slams the door closed.)

Me: “What just happened?”

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Thicker Coat Required

, , , | USA | Right | October 25, 2012

(One of my coworkers has a really beautiful, full-length, black wool coat that’s lined with a very soft faux fur that, despite being fake, feels real. She gets questions about where she got it from our clientele a lot, but she actually made it herself. It is really cold outside.)

Customer: *spotting my co-worker on her way to her lunch break* “Oh. My. God. That coat is gorgeous!”

Coworker: “Oh, thank you.”

Customer: “Give it to me.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, the coat is not for sale.”

Customer: “Bulls***! Everything in this store is! Now give me that jacket! I’m more smarter than you. I know how everything works! If you want something in your store, you can only buy it after us real people are done shopping and only if it’s something we don’t want!”

Coworker: “Um… ma’am, I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, but this jacket didn’t come from this store. I made it at home.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! It’s mine! *tries to snatch the back of the coat as my coworker dodges her*

Coworker: “Ma’am, this is my jacket that I made for myself. We do not sell this jacket in the store, although we have some similar ones. I will not just give you my jacket.

Customer: “It’s mine! Not yours, mine!”

Manager: *to me* “What’s going on?”

Me: *explains*

Manager: *to the customer* “Ma’am, that is my employee’s jacket. It’s not for sale.”

Customer: *stamps her feet and screams* “BUT I WANT IT!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You can’t have my employee’s jacket. She needs it herself. It’s too cold. If you want a jacket, you can come back another time when you’ve calmed down.”

(She leaves, but comes back about ten minutes later with the police. They have a department on the other side of our parking lot. She points at my manager, my coworker, and me.)

Customer: “Those worthless pieces of trash are trying to steal my jacket!”

(My manager explained the situation, and they took a statement from my coworker, who had proof that she had actually handmade the jacket in the form of a series of photographs on her phone that detailed the ‘work in progress.’ In the end, it was the customer who was arrested for creating a disturbance!)

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