Ripping Through The Economy

, , , , , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(I am getting a customer her change. One of the dollar bills I hand her has a small rip in the corner, but I don’t think it’s a big deal. I give her the money, and she just stares at it.)

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Customer: “Does this have a rip in it?”

Me: “Uh… I think it had a small tear–“

Customer: “Oh, no. I can’t accept that. [Store] makes so much money. They can stand to have some ripped up dollars; I can’t. [Store] just makes so much money.”

Me: “Would you like me to get you a different dollar?”

Customer: “Yes. [Store] makes a lot of money. They can keep this one.”

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Flights Of Fancy

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(This previous weekend we held a giant expo and trade fair, where our suppliers offered generous discounts for people who booked reservations or tickets. It was hugely successful. The major condition about it all, however, was that you had to book on those two weekend days, otherwise the prices went back to normal. I am sitting at my desk, four days after the expo, when this occurs. A customer walks in.)

Customer: *yelling* “I want to be served!”

Me: “Welcome! Take a seat! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to talk about the Travel Expo.” *pulls out a full colour newspaper ad from previous weekend’s paper* “I want this price to fly to Los Angeles. For two people.”

Me: “Okay! Unfortunately, those prices were for that weekend only. They are no longer being advertised at that price.”

Customer: *yelling* “I KNOW THAT! I CAN READ!”

(The customer pulls out a sandwich and begins to eat it, dropping food all over my desk and the floor.)

Me: “Um… Would you like me to find flights that might suit you better?”

Customer: “Find me good flights!”

(I do a thorough search, and I am not able to match any prices that resemble the amazing deal offered that weekend. I find the best solution, and I offer it to her. In the meantime, she has been reading the fine print on the advertising.)

Me: “So, the price will be [higher price]. This is the closest I can get to the advertised fare that was being shown at the Expo.”

Customer: “That is disgusting! I want this fare!” *points at ad*

Me: “I would love to be able to give you that price, but as you can see, it was for a limited time.”

Customer: *attempts to stare me down while eating and dropping her sandwich all over my desk area* “I want this price.”

Me: “I cannot give you that price, I am afraid. It was last weekend only.”

Customer: *screeching* “I CAN READ THE FINE PRINT!”

Me: “Would you like me to book you the [higher price] flights? As you’re wanting to fly over the Christmas holiday period, these are very good prices.”

Customer: “NO! You disgust me!”

(The customer throws herself out of the chair and stomps out of the store. At this point my boss walks past.)

Boss: “Have you been eating at your desk?”

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Professor Lockhart: Still Working

, , , , | Learning | February 15, 2018

Because of a mix-up with some of my transfer credits, I’m not able to sign up for my next semester’s classes until the last minute of the add-drop period during the first week of school. Rushed and trying to figure out what’s available to fit my needs, I end up with the only open section of a 200-level course that’s held in the evening, once a week, for three hours at a time. Figuring it’ll be a pain but survivable, I go to the first class the following week, when the add-drop period is already over.

The professor spends the first 30 minutes of the class talking about himself. Among other things, he uses the phrase, “big fish in a small pond,” and I start reassessing the survivability of this class. When he finishes, he says, “Now, I know you might all have questions, but we are on a schedule, so I can only take questions from three people.” When no one raises a hand, he actually picks three students to come up with questions to ask him about himself. All three manage to scrounge up something, and he spends another 30 minutes answering.

It gets no better when we actually get to the material. He introduces a website he wants the class to use for our assignments, instead of the school’s; it’s a site that he made himself, and it looks like a disorganized mess. He tells us that we will be reading an entire textbook every week, and we will be able to manage that because we will be using his superior reading strategy, where you only read the first and last sentences of every paragraph. He passes out printouts and has us practice this fool-proof technique while taking notes, to prove to us that that’s where all the information you need is.

At the end of the class, he says he knows this class is long and people will probably get hungry and want to eat, so he will arrange a schedule where each of us will take a turn bringing food. To feed 25 people.

I call my father the next day, since he’s a university professor in the same field and has taught in this state before, to ask him if he knows this guy. My dad’s response is, “Oh, yeah, I taught a class with him at [Other University], 20 years ago. He used to throw pennies at students.”

I decide to drop this class like a hot potato and just pay the late fee to sign up for a different one, which is when I find out that new revisions to my degree plan mean I don’t need credit from that block, anyway.

And that’s how I was saved from taking an unnecessary class by my professor being a complete dumpster fire.

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200 Miles Away Isn’t Enough

, , , , , | Learning | February 15, 2018

Me: *answering the phone* “Hello, [School].”

Woman: “Could you please tell me if [Student] is in school today?”

Me: “Are you a relative?”

Woman: “I’M HIS MOTHER!”

Me: *holding the receiver away from my ear* “All right. Just give me a moment.”

Woman: “I need to make sure that useless, good-for-nothing, piece-of-s*** father of his is keeping his upkeep of our son!”

Me: *after searching* “Could you confirm his name again, please?”

Woman: *sighs* “[STUDENT]!”

Me: “There’s only one student by that name in our records.”

Woman: “Is he in?”

Me: “No, Miss. He—”

Woman: “THAT F****** A**HOLE! I’LL CHOP HIS NUTS OFF! HE—”

Me: *interrupting* “Miss [Woman], the reason he isn’t in is because he left. Three years ago.

Woman: “What?!”

Me: “He finished his education with us three years ago.”

Woman: “Then, where is he?”

Me: “It says he went to [University 200 miles away].”

Woman: *pause* “THAT UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF S***!” *hangs up*

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Not Watching Out For The Important Things

, , | Right | February 14, 2018

(I work in a law office.)

Client: “Wait. I’ve just noticed that none of you wear good brand watches.”

Me: “So?”

Client: “How do I know I can trust you? You don’t have nice watches!”

Me: *to coworker* “Time to get knockoffs!”

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