Checked Way Out Before They Checked In

, , , | Right | December 8, 2018

(A disheveled man carrying what looks like a sleeping bag enters our hotel at two am, and I think that he is a homeless guy at first.)

Disheveled Man: “Checking in; what do you need?”

Me: “Name, please.”

(He gives me his name, and after looking, I see that he has made his reservation for tomorrow and I tell him so.)

Disheveled Man: “What do you mean? Today is [Date], right? I made my reservation for [Date]!”

Me: “Yes, today is technically [Date], but check-in time’s at three pm.”

Disheveled Man: “So?!”

Me: “Not… two am.”

Disheveled Man: *deer in headlights* “…” *blinks* “No! It’s [Date]!”

Me: “Three pm. In about 13 hours, your room’ll be ready. Right now… we’re all full.”

Disheveled Man: “All full?! Don’t you treat me like a fool! I used to be a doctor of surgery, understand?! I’m smart! I’m very smart!”

(He treated me to a rant about how smart he was, and how many patients he’d performed successfully on, before finally leaving in a huff. Seriously people, don’t be an idiot; check in at check-in time! Read the terms and conditions for once.)

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The Customer Hanging Up Is The Cherry On Top

, , , , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(I work at an inbound call center. I have been doing the same job for years and have never received a complaint like this one.)

Me: “You’ve reached [Department]. My name is [My Name]. Please be advised that this call is recorded.”

Caller: “Good!”

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Caller: “That other agent I talked to, I couldn’t understand a word she said. It sounded like she was talking with a candy bar in her mouth. Couldn’t understand a word.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry about that, sir. I’ll be sure to forward that information on, but in the meantime, if at any point you aren’t able to understand me just let me know. How can I assist you today?”

(The caller goes on to explain a problem that I am unable to resolve in my department, so I inform him that I will need to reach out to a different department to address his concerns, only to have him suddenly cut me off, yelling.)

Caller: “I can’t understand any of you! You’re all eating f****** desserts! Just forget it!” *click*

(I can’t speak for the first person he spoke to, but I certainly wasn’t eating anything… though that call made me want some sweets!)

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PTO: Plutonium Time Off

, , , , , , | Legal | December 5, 2018

(Part of my job is to be a go-fer for the office and the higher-ups — an errand girl, basically. One day, as I’m leaving to get something from the store, I see a couple of guys talking with three of our Loss Prevention and Facilities guys, all looking confused and somewhat alarmed. I don’t think much of it until I get back and see three cop cars in front of our loading dock investigating a truck. One of the LP guys points me out, and as I get out of my car, a cop comes jogging over.)

Cop: “Ma’am, you need to come with me.”

Me: “Wait, what? Why? What’s going on?”

Cop: “Ma’am, for your safety, you need to come with me.”

(I’m super confused but do what he says and walk over to the loading dock, where I realize one of the officers has a Geiger counter and is running it over everything in the truck.)

Me: “What’s going on?”

Coworker: “You know those guys I was talking to earlier?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Coworker: “Apparently someone from Turkey shipped a package to us to be picked up by those other guys, like we’re FedEx or something.”

Me: “But our building looks nothing like a post office.”

Coworker: “Exactly. And those two guys were from Turkey, too, and flew all the way out here to pick up their package with the intent of taking it back to Turkey. With those bombs being sent to some people lately, we figured better safe than sorry.”

Cop: “Ma’am, I need to you hold out your arms.”

(I do so, and it finally hits me as they’re running the Geiger counter over me.)

Me: “Wait, you think I was exposed to radiation?”

Coworker: “You were in the mailroom this morning, and they’re scanning everyone who was there.”

(Startlingly enough, my chest area measured as somewhat radioactive. It took the cops another ten minutes to realize it was my necklace, which had a reading of .001 from God knows what, and that I had not inhaled anything radioactive. I still don’t know what was in that package that someone in Turkey had to ship it to the USA to be picked up by a couple of guys and brought back to Turkey on their flight. I’m also amazed it wasn’t a fever dream.)

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Enabling Customers Allows Them To Live In Their Own Fantasy, And That’s Final

, , , | Right | December 4, 2018

(I’m a manager at a grocery store. While I’m briefing the afternoon shift, I get a customer call through on my handheld. I decide to take it, thinking it is important.)

Me: “[Store]. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Seymour’s mum is Anima’s fayth, right?”

Me: “Um… Yes?”

Customer: “And we see them both in Zanarkand, with his mum saying he had to destroy Sin?”

Me: “Correct.”

Customer: “So… does that mean that Anima is Seymour’s final aeon?”

Me: “I guess. I don’t know if it’s something Square has confirmed, but as a theory, I suppose it works.”

Customer: *to someone else on their end* “I told you!”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Oh, no, thank you. I just heard you singing Suteki Da Ne the other day and thought you’d be a good second opinion. Thanks for the help!” *hangs up*

(I stared, dumbfounded, at my phone, with my afternoon shift looking equally confused.)

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Healthier Old People During Flu Season Results In Increase Of Random Chats

, , , , | Right | December 4, 2018

(An elderly woman on one of the store’s scooters comes up to me while I’m working.)

Customer: “I need to tell you something!”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “So, in July, I came in here and I bought two of the cough drops with zinc of one brand, and I bought two cough drops of another brand. Well, last week we finally used them all up. It was this d*** flu that’s been going around. But I just wanted to tell you that in July I was prepared, because I bought cough drops in July.”

Me: “Um… Wow. Good for you.”

(The woman scoots away and I go back to what I was doing. A minute later she comes back over to me.)

Customer: “And another thing.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “The cough drops with zinc in them are better for you.”

Me: “Really?”

Customer: “Oh, yes.” *scoots away*

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