Paltry Poultry Parenting

, , , , , | | Legal | August 12, 2019

(I’m visiting a family-run petting zoo and farm shop. The animals here are for show only; none are for sale and can only be accessed when out for petting demos. We’re checking out with some jars of honey at the farm shop when we hear a big commotion in the petting area. A shouting man holding a chick runs out, followed by a crying child and a frantic farm worker.)

Man: “We just want a g**d*** chicken! Piss off and leave us alone!”

Farm Worker: “Please, stop! You’re hurting him! Put him down!”

(The cashier abandons our order and tries to block the exit as the man runs through, leaving his crying child in the shop area. Both employees run out after him; there’s shouting and pleading from outside. Then, there is the sound of doors slamming and a car speeding out of the car park. I walk over with my daughter and try and console the crying child who’s asking for his mum. After a few tense minutes, the employees come back with the chick, but no man. The farm worker takes the chick to be looked at, leaving us with the now-calm child.)

Cashier: “Uh, he just left? What do we do now?”

Me: “Do you know your Mummy’s phone number, sweetheart?”

Child: “Y-Yes, it’s [phone number], but D-Daddy said I can’t call her; she’s too busy for me.”

Cashier: “I’ll make the call. Can you stay with him?”

Me: “Sure. Come on, sweetheart. Shall we look at the picture books?”

(Within fifteen minutes, a frantic mum ran in and grabbed the child into a massive hug. Apparently, this was the dad’s first court-issued independent visit with the child since being released from prison, and she’d been worried sick the entire time he’d had him: only an hour and a half total. We all handed a written report to the police, and we were assured by them and the mum that it would be the last time the guy saw the child alone, if at all!)

Unfiltered Story #156839

, , | | Unfiltered | July 4, 2019

I have a veterinarian out to look at my old pet goat who hasn’t been eating well lately.

Vet: He’s got bad teeth.  It’s an old age issue, there’s no magic bullet that will make this problem go away.  Well . . .

He’s lucky I have a morbid sense of humor!  That goat went on to live another happy year on a special diet before passing away peacefully, no bullets involved!

Peeing On Any Kind Of Oreo Is Not Recommended

, , , , , , | | Friendly | June 12, 2019

As I’m getting my oil change for my car, I’m chatting with the lady at the front desk. I’ve been here lots of times and she loves to talk to cure the boredom of waiting.

She tells me she and her husband have a farm, as well. She raises mostly sheep but has a few Pygmy goats. The two in question are called Oreo and Cookie.

Apparently, a local male teen thought it would be funny to pee on Oreo. So, he sticks it through the fencing to pee on this goat. The goat, however, doesn’t take this well. Oreo turns and gives the offending thing a few nips.

Cue all Hell breaking loose! The boy is in obvious pain, and my front desk lady finds him and calls 911. After the boy is checked over and deemed fine but embarrassed, the paramedics warn that the boy’s family could sue. My front desk lady documents the event just in case. She is laughing, however, as this boy would have to go home and tell his parents how he was injured, that he was trespassing on private property in order to pee on a goat, and God knows what logic led to this moment of brilliance.

My front desk lady laughs saying he got what he deserved. She has never been sued to date and I got the feeling that this was an old story.

Pancakes In Human Form

, , , , , | | Friendly | May 12, 2019

My grandmother told this story several times. She was born in the 1920s and survived World War 2 with her family intact — as far as she let us know, anyway. One of her favourite stories is when she and her older sister were sent out for food during the dire Hunger Winter of 1945.

She and her sister were sent out to several farms for food. The first farm had pity on them and the nice farmer wife decided to treat these poor hungry ones to some delicious pancakes! My grandmother and her sister were delighted and they ate as much as they were offered. Then, they continued their journey.

The next farm also offered a bit of food for home and those farmers had pity on the young girls as well. The farmer’s wife decided to give them something delicious: egg pancakes — more eggs than normal pancakes. My grandmother and her sister did not want to be rude, and ate as much as they could. They thanked the couple for the meal and went to their last stop, a family member’s farm, at which they would also spend the night.

“You poor things; you look famished! But I made something special for you: bacon pancakes!”

My grandmother and her sister did not dare to tell the truth and yes, again, ate as much as they could. They spent the night on the outhouse as a tag-team and they overheard their family members discussing how rude they were! Even after they confessed the truth, they were still considered “the rudest Choosing Beggars” — even by their parents! — as we’d call it nowadays.

Left The Farm… And The Reservation

, , , | Right | March 18, 2019

(I am working in a farm shop as a student. The shop is located close to a farm but is independent of them from an administrative point of view — just selling some of their products amongst others. The shop is always full of posh people willing to buy local and organic products. I am alone in charge of everything, and ten people are queuing, when some weird lady opens the door of the shop:)

Customer: “I saw a dead pigeon outside the shop.”

Me: “Yes, and?”

Customer: “It has clear signs of poisoning.”

Me: “I don’t know; everything outside our shop does not depend on us because it’s part of the farm, so I cannot tell you.”

(I go back to my customers, but she comes to me again, screaming.)

Customer: “You kill pigeons!”

Me: “I don’t. I have nothing to do with this. Miss, I have many other customers waiting; may I proceed?”

Customer: “You work in this shop; you are responsible!”

Me: “This really does not depend on me. Please go ask the farm responsible about this.”

Customer: *furiously* “I WILL NEVER BUY YOUR PRODUCTS!” *slams the door*