Talk Horses***, Get Hit

, , , , , | Learning | September 19, 2020

I’m a member of my school’s horse riding club. This happens before a riding lesson, while we are putting on my mount’s bridle and saddle in the stable. It’s not the first time I’ve been stuck with [Horse].

Instructor: “So, how do you find [Horse] so far?”

Me: “She’s like my grandma.”

Instructor: “How so?”

Me: “Old, fat, and stubborn.”

The instructor is not sure whether to be offended or amused.

Me: “And lazy.”

My horse then swings her head around, clubbing me with her head. I’m wearing a helmet, so it doesn’t hurt, but I still get knocked aside.

Me: “Yeah, I deserved that.”

Somehow, that day, [Horse] is unusually active, requiring less nagging from me to move and more willingness to obey my commands. We even do jumps, after which, she goes into a canter, nearly throwing me off in the process. Much screaming is involved, to the delight of my girlfriend, who still refuses to let me live that down to this day.

After the session, we are taking the horses back to the stable and removing their saddles and bridles.

Instructor: “Good job, [My Name]. I think that that was the most exercise [Horse] has gotten this year.”

Me: “Yes, so maybe she isn’t as lazy as we thought, but I still think she’s like my grandma: cranky and bad-tempered.”

We pack up and I walk out of the stable. Just then, another horse trots past. The rider, horse and I are all looking in the wrong direction, so I get rammed and knocked into a puddle of mud. Thankfully, not only am I wearing a padded jacket and a riding cuirass, but I am also wearing a suit of motocross armour underneath, so I am fine, if only a bit stunned. Everyone rushes up to us, making sure that everyone is fine. The horse is panicking, but the instructors are all calming it down.

Me: *Getting to my feet* “Yeah, I definitely deserved that.”

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Heavy Duty

, , , , , | Right | September 17, 2020

My store has just gotten used railroad ties in and they’ve gotten pretty popular with customers for use on farms. I’m a small female, and though I’m used to doing heavy loads, these can be tricky as the ties are probably about 200 pounds each. 

Today, one customer buys ten of them. I go out with the forklift and get ready to load these on a trailer. The customer — a big farmhand kind of guy — greets me, I sign his receipt, and… he gets back in his truck.

I don’t have an issue loading heavy stuff, but people normally tell me why they can’t help — bad back, not allowed to lift, etc. — but this guy said nothing else and got into his truck to talk with his wife. Okay. 

So, I proceed to load the first couple ties onto the forklift, drive it over to the trailer, and start to unload. One tie slips and falls right onto my foot. I scream in pain, keeping obscenities from bursting out of my mouth, but I keep working. 

The windows are down and I know they can hear me, so I know my pain is being ignored. 

As I limp back to the forklift to get the last few ties, my boss’s husband comes over, as he was getting something from the lot we were next to, and offers to help me out. I take his help, gratefully, and we get the last of them in the trailer. As the last one lands on top, the customer calls out, “Have a great night!”

He couldn’t be bothered with cries of pain but offers a thanks when he gets what he came for?

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Horses And Their Rear Ends Are Everywhere

, , , , | Working | May 5, 2020

I am the manager of a farm and I am in charge of the care of the horses and maintenance of the farm. My supervisor is the assistant trainer and is in charge of teaching lessons and riding the horses. I have nothing to do with my supervisor’s schedule.

Boss: “Did you take a lunch break on Saturday?”

Me: “Yes?”

Boss: “Did [Supervisor] take lunch?”

Supervisor: “No.”

Boss: *To me* “Why did you get a lunch break if she didn’t? If you have time to take lunch, you need to offer to buy [Supervisor] and the other workers lunch, too, since they didn’t have time.”

Yeah, I am not spending my own money to buy everyone food. I made hardly any money. I didn’t even go out for lunch.

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The Old Lady Can’t Get Off This Particular Ride

, , , , | Right | February 13, 2020

(We are exhibiting our miniature horses at the Fort Worth Stock Show. We have nice horses and do pretty well. We occasionally bring horses to sell. I am sitting in my stall, prepping my little 32″ tall horse for his class. My friend is with me. The door is open, because the little kids love to watch us. We like to talk to anyone who comes by; you never know who may buy a horse! An older “lady” sticks her head in the door.)

Old Lady: “They aren’t good for anything, are they?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Old Lady: “Well, you can’t ride them. What good are they?”

Me: “Well, we drive ours and teach them to jump and do trail—”

Old Lady: *interrupts* “But you can’t ride them! They’re worthless!”

Me: *getting edgy* “You can do anything with them but ride them. We do parades and take them to nursing homes and—”


(By this time I’m getting frustrated, but still being nice.)

Me: “No, you can’t ride them. Only little kids can ride them.”

Old Lady: “WORTHLESS!”

(My friend and I look at each other.)

Old Lady: “Do you ride him?”

Me: *resigned* “No, ma’am, I don’t ride him. My feet drag.”

Old Lady: “Oh, okay.”

(Her highly embarrassed friends drag her away. My friend and I look at each other again.)

Friend:Really? What was that?!

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Not Getting A Kick Out Of This

, , , , | Right | February 4, 2020

(A new girl has started taking lessons at my stable, and she announces one week that she’ll be bringing her dog next week. This isn’t a problem, as the owner has two dogs, and pretty much everyone brings them in. The horses don’t care, and the people don’t, either, as long as they don’t get in the way too much. The next week, she shows up with a medium-sized poodle cross that doesn’t seem like he’s seen a horse before in his life. She puts him in the sink area, which so happens to be right across from the cross tie where I’m grooming my horse. The dog starts barking, pawing, and making all sorts of noise, which freaks my horse out something fierce and makes all the horses in the area nervous. It’s sunny and quite warm out.)

Me: “Hey, do you mind tying your dog up to the outside wash stall? He’s freaking out [My Horse] a bit, and I don’t think [Her Horse] will appreciate it, either.”

Lesson Girl: “No. He’s very well behaved. [My Horse] loves him!”

(She then basically drags her dog over to my horse, who stomps, tosses her head, and tries to back into the wall despite being tied up. While I get control of my animal, she starts to cuddle her dog like my horse has hurt him, and glares at me.)

Lesson Girl: “She kicked my dog!”

Me: “First of all, she isn’t a kicker, she’s a bucker, and second of all, she didn’t even do that. Could you please take your dog outside? He’s really scaring the horses.”

(By now, every horse is paying attention, and the only other girl in the cross ties has taken to distracting her horse with treats, pets, and cuddles to keep him, one of the biggest horses at the stable, from breaking the cross tie.)

Lesson Girl: “The horses are scaring my dog!”

Me: “You brought him to a stable.”

(At least she finally took him outside. She hasn’t given me trouble about it since, either.)

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