My dad grew up on an old farm built into the side of a valley. The surrounding fields are rented to a neighbouring farm, but during winter, they become one enormous two-hundred-metre-long hill.

One snowy day, Dad and I build a ski jump at the bottom of it.

Dad: “I have some work to do inside. Be careful while I’m gone.”

Me: “I will.”

Naturally, I decide that the first test jump should involve riding my sled from the very top of the hill.

Partway down, I worry that I am not going fast enough, so I start paddling against the snow with my foot.

Mom is washing dishes in the kitchen, which gives her a perfect view of the jump.

Mom: “Oh, no.”

She watches me hit the ramp, fly high into the air, and disappear from view.

Mom: “GO GET HIM!”

I face-plant into the snow and lose consciousness. Dad runs outside, wakes me up, and checks that I haven’t suffered a concussion or any other serious injury.

Dad: “Can you hear me? Do you know where you are?”

Me: “Yes.”

Dad: “Are you dizzy? Does your head hurt?”

Me: “Dad, get the tape measure.”

Dad: “What?”

Me: “We need to know how far I went!”

The jump measures 18.4 metres, and I estimate that I was airborne for four to six seconds.

It remains both my greatest achievement and the strongest evidence that Dad may have checked the wrong end of me for brain damage.

I used to work at a farm stand from the time I was twelve to eighteen, when I left for college. All I did was restock shelves and wash produce, then put it on the shelf.

Tomatoes generally sold out by 10 AM, and we didn’t have any more until the next day (because that’s how crops and produce and ripening work).

Customer: *Pointing to the price of tomatoes on the sign.* “Where are they?”

Me: “Sorry, but we’re out.”

Customer: “When will you get more?”

Me: “Tomorrow morning. It’s early in the season, and we have a limited amount ready for each day, so unfortunately, you had to arrive pretty early to get any until they are fully in season.”

Customer: “Well, I saw some in the greenhouse by the road. Can’t you just go pick some for me?”

Me: “That’s not my job, and we only have a certain amount of produce.”

Customer: “Then I want to speak to your manager.”

Luckily, the manager was also the owner of the farm and a close family friend, and he said to her:

Manager: “I can tell you where the nearest grocery store is if you really need tomatoes that bad. But [My Name] isn’t going to pick them for you.”

Customer: “But my shopping list!”

Manager: “It’s also certainly not [My Name]’s job to make sure that you have everything crossed off on your shopping list.”

She stormed out, but had to be escorted back toward the parking lot as she ‘accidentally’ kept veering toward the greenhouses.

I work on a farm in Ireland that accepts visitors who want to see the working sheep farm. We allow them to bottle feed the cute lambs, which is always a big hit.

A mother lets her daughter start bottle feeding a lamb, and then says:

Mother: “Okay, [Daughter’s Name], it’s mummy’s turn.”

She settles down and tries to bottle feed the same lamb, but the lamb isn’t interested and trots away.

Mother: “What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “Nothing is wrong with the lamb; he’s just no longer hungry. Your daughter did such a good job feeding him.”

Mother: “But I wanted a photo of me feeding the lamb!”

Me: “We have plenty of lambs to feed—”

Mother: “—Yeah, but that was the cutest one! All the others look [r-word]!”

Me: “Oh, would you look at that, there are no lambs left. Too bad. Enjoy the rest of your day and bye bye!”

Mother: “Okay, fine, I’ll take that lamb there.”

Me: “Sorry, they’re all full! Bye bye!”

Mother: “But—”

Me: “—Bye bye!”

I work in a workplace that needs to keep an eye on farms on the other side of the country via CCTV. I come into work one morning to see that I’ve lost all coverage.

Me: “[Boss], did the security company report any outages?”

Boss: “Are you talking about the CCTV stuff?”

Me: “Yes? You know that it’s down already?”

Boss: “Of course I know it’s down. I ordered the farm to rip it all out over the weekend.”

Me: “You did… what?!”

Boss: “[Security Company] were scamming us! I can get the same coverage for free!”

Me: “How?”

Boss: “Let me show you this amazing thing I found.”

He loads up Google Maps, and I can already feel my heart sinking. He zooms in on one of the farms across the country.

Me: “I really hope this is just a way to find access to another CCTV business via the map.”

Boss: “What? No! Look, you can see the farm from space!”

Me: “Yeah, but—”

Boss: “—And look! It gets better!”

He zooms in via Street View, where we can see the entrance to the farm from the street.

Me: “Please don’t tell me you ripped out £20k’s worth of wiring and equipment, because you discovered Google Maps?”

Boss: “But you can see the farm!”

Me: “You know this isn’t real time, right? These are old photos.”

Boss: “No, they’re live!”

Me: “Then why is it showing the farm in the middle of a sunny, flowery summer’s day when it’s currently snowing everywhere up north?”

Boss: “I… but… wait…”

Yup. He just assumed Google Maps was updating in real time. He rang the company that installed the CCTV to tell them they were scamming b*stards since he could get it all for free online. Two weeks later, had to pay a further £30k to get it all re-installed again.

At my job in daycare, it’s an Easter tradition to take the children (two and three year olds) to a nearby farm, have the parents come along if they can, go back to the daycare, let the children search for coloured eggs and then have a little Easter brunch with eggs and home-baked bread.

Of course, not all parents can always come along, and this year one of our classic runs-around-like-a-maniac-all-the-time is alone, so he’s assigned to me to keep an eye on.

He’s very chatty all the way to the farm, he loudly sings all the Easter songs he knows and can barely contain himself. I have to hold his hand the entire time. He RUNS to the chicken coop when I let go of his hand, opens one of the little doors, STICKS HIS ENTIRE HEAD IN BETWEEN THE CHICKENS, and starts cooing.

Boy: “Hello, Mrs. Toktok, hi there, Mrs. Yellowbeak, ooh, I sure love your feathers, Mrs. Tappyfeet. You ladies are all so lovely. Thanks for making all those eggs. Your home sure looks nice, I like all the sticks!”

He just goes on and on and on like that, being really gentle with the chickens like a total professional. The farmer instantly loves this little boy. The toddlers who are slightly intimidated at first look at him, and he tells them there’s nothing to be afraid of if you’re gentle and polite.

One by one, even the children who are scared get to pet the chickens and pick up some eggs. All the parents are absolutely melting. Later that day when he’s being picked up by his mother, she is very surprised.

Mother: “He’s never been to a farm, and so far, I’ve only seen him be very scared of animals, especially birds! I have no idea what happened!”

Boy: “But, mommy! These are EASTER BIRDS!”

I love my job so much.