This Store Is All Going To Pot(ty)

, , , , | Right | January 23, 2018

(I work at the deli in a supermarket in a small town. The following is something I overhear whilst on my lunch break. My manager comes into the staff room and starts talking to some of the other managers.)

Deli Manager: “I just caught a customer putting down a potty and trying to potty train their kid down aisle four!” *the fresh meat aisle* “They had toilet paper with them and everything! I was almost afraid to approach her. I can see the newspaper headlines now: ‘[Store Chain] Against Potty Training!’”

(I still don’t know what my manager said to the customer or how they responded, but it is the weirdest thing I’ve heard during all the years I’ve worked at that store.)

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Going For The Condom Minimum

, , , , | Healthy | January 22, 2018

(A woman comes up to our night cashier.)

Customer: “I need assistance at the pharmacy case.”

(The cashier pages me to the pharmacy case, as I’m the only one with the key after the pharmacist leaves. I arrive at the case.)

Me: “What items do you need?”

Customer: *hesitates for a moment* “I need condoms.”

Me: *opens the case* “You’re welcome to pick out any of the boxes that you’d like.”

(She picks up a few different boxes, shakes each one, then sets it back down. Then, she turns to me and asks:)

Customer: “Do you know which one of these feels the best for guys?”

Me: *more confused than surprised by the question* “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I can’t help you there.”

Customer: “Do you know which one fits best, then?”

Me: “I can’t help you with that. I’ve never used any of those.”

Customer: *exasperated sigh* “Oh, well. Better safe than sorry.”

(She put the condoms down, grabbed a pregnancy test, and walked away without another word.)

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Not Quite A Fountain Of Common Sense

, , , , , , | Right | January 22, 2018

(I work at a well-known pizza chain. One of our customers, a lady in her mid-thirties, is a fairly regular visitor. She often makes strange or outrageous requests, but today she targets me specifically. She comes up to the counter to pay for her dine-in order.)

Me: “How was everything?”

Customer: *grumbles*

Me: *after scanning her credit card* “Okay, all I need is your signature, and you’ll be all set!”

Customer: “I can’t sign with that pen.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Your pen. It isn’t legal.”

(My pen is a fountain pen that I bring from home, because it writes more consistently and smoothly on receipts. As far as I know, there aren’t pen restrictions in my line of work.)

Me: “Not legal?”

Customer: “Yes! You can’t make me pay if I sign with that! I need one like I use in the bank!”

Me: “Okay… Do you have such a pen with you?”

Customer: “No! I need a bank pen! Yours isn’t legal!”

Me: “I’m afraid this is the only type of pen I have available at the moment. If you happen to have another, you’re more than welcome to use it.”

Customer: “Stop being stupid! I don’t carry a bank pen!”

Me: “Then, I’m afraid that my pen is your only choice.”

Customer: “But it isn’t legal!”

(She dug around in her purse and pulled out a pencil. I don’t think she knew that signatures in pencil are even less “legal.” Interestingly, in all the times I’ve seen her since, she’s had nothing to say about my pen.)

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Have A Go(o)d Day

, , , , | Right | January 20, 2018

(I am a key holder at a small grocery and retail store. A woman walks up to the cash register to pay.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “Great! I am good! Life is great!”

Me: “Great.” *starts to scan items*

Customer: “Speak it the truth! Don’t listen to the devil, for the devil will lead you astray. Come unto God and listen to him, not to what the devil must say.”

Me: *stares at her while scanning items, hits total* “Your total is [total]. Thanks, have a nice day!”

Another Customer: “Do you know her?”

Me: “No… I just asked how her day was.”

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Killing Kindness

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 20, 2018

(I’m bored waiting for the rest of my family to go to the bathroom and buy snacks, so I decide to try a toy dispenser, like a gumball machine, that gives you a tiny toy inside a clear plastic ball. After I get a toy, a woman comes up with two small children, about five years old. The mother gives each child a coin to get a toy, but the machine the daughter uses doesn’t work and she starts crying.)

Woman: “Well, I don’t have any more loose change! You’ll just have to share with your brother.”

Boy: “No! It’s mine!”

Me: *to the woman* “Excuse me. I just got this from the machine and I don’t really want it. Your daughter can have it, if you want.”

Woman: “What did you just say?”

Me: “I got this from the machine. I think it’s a toy tiger. I haven’t opened it, so I thought you might want it for your daughter, because…”

Woman: *suddenly shouting* “Mind your own f****** business. Why the f*** are you watching my kids, you pervert?”

(I was a baby-faced 13-year-old girl, not your typical “pervert.” I just wanted to help an upset kid and stressed-out mum)

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