This Is Why You’re Pen-sive

, , | Right | October 20, 2017

(Where I work requires someone to sign a paper copy of a receipt when they do a return. A rather odd gentleman has just returned something, and I finish processing everything and hand him my pen to sign the slip.)

Customer: “Hmm, nice pen.”

Me: “Yeah, it writes nice; it’s one of my favourites.”

Customer: “Guess you’ll want it then.”

Me: “Uh… Yes. I’d like to keep my pen.” *holds my hand out for him to reluctantly hand it back*

Customer: *noticing another pen on my till that has the company logo on it* “What about that one?”

Me: “Um. Sure, I guess you can have that one this time.”

Customer: *snatches pen off the counter and stuffs it in his pocket* “Next time it’ll be that nice one.” *turns on his heel and walks out the door*

Manufacturers’ Suggested Retail Conspiracy

, , , | Right | October 20, 2017

(I’m working at an appliance store and get this call:)

Customer: “Hey, do you carry the trim kit for these microwaves?”

Me: “Yes, sir, do you know which one you need?”

Customer: *gives the model number*

Me: “Yes, we have that one in stock for [price].”

Customer: “What?! That’s the price everyone is selling it at. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you!

Paging Strange Requests

, , , , , | Right | October 19, 2017

(I am an associate manager, and I have just answered a call. There is an elderly woman on the line.)

Me: “Good afternoon. Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: *raspy voice* “I understand your restaurant doesn’t have a paging service. I am looking to get in touch with my friend, [Friend]. She should be in the dining room with her son. She has grey hair and wears glasses.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the restaurant seats almost 300 people, and we are full and busy. I am unable to go and find your friend. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No, I guess not.” *hangs up*

(About 30 minutes go by and another associate manager tells me about the strangest call.)

Coworker: “Yes, it was so strange. She wanted me to go out into the dining room and find some woman with glasses. I wasn’t sure what to do. So, I indulged her for a minute and put her on hold while I went to ‘look.’ I came back to the phone to tell her I couldn’t find her friend. Once I told her the news she became a bit upset and said, ‘Today is a very unlucky day for you. Upon connection to my friend I was going to give you $1,000.’ Then, she hung up. How strange.”

The Joke That Killed Itself

, , , , , | Learning | October 18, 2017

(As I am leaving a trumpet lesson, I sling my backpack onto my shoulders, followed by my trumpet case, which has a shoulder strap, and a messenger bag that I carry my music folder around in, since it is too large for my backpack. I now have a bag over each shoulder, in addition to my backpack. I make some little quip about how much stuff I had to carry, and my teacher chuckles.)

Teacher: “Ha. Yeah, you look like a suicide bomber.”

(Having no idea how to respond, I said something like, “Ha, okay,” and promptly left.)

Roommate And Chemicals Don’t Mix

, , , , , , , , , | Friendly | October 17, 2017

(I have been attending college and just moved into my first apartment. I am a slightly older student, and so I asked for an older roommate. I am there for one month, and my roommate proceeds to give me the cold shoulder the entire time. Finally, after three and a half weeks, he starts to warm up to me. One Thursday night, I invite my friends over to hang out. My roommate decides to join us, and they begin playing a drinking game. I do not drink, so I am drinking water. Everyone gets drunk pretty quickly.)

Friend #1: “I’m hungry. Do you have any snacks? Anything sweet?”

Me: “Yeah, there’s some ice cream in the fridge; help yourself!”

Friend #2: “I want some ice cream!”

Roommate: “You can’t have any ice cream; you’ll throw up. Don’t make me take care of you tonight.”

Friend #2: “I’ll be fine!”

Friend #1: “Yeah, she didn’t drink that much.”

Roommate: “Whatever, man…”

Me: *to my friend* “Hey, I might have something for your stomach…”

(As I try and ask if [Antacid] or [Motion Sickness Medicine] would work, my roommate loses his cool. He stands up in his seat and begins screaming at me at the top of his lungs from across the table.)

Roommate:What?! What are you talking about!? Chemicals?! She needs water!

(He jabs his finger in my face to emphasize his point. I am staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights. I really don’t handle people screaming at me very well, especially drunk people, and tend to panic or cry.)

Friend #1 & #2: “Woah, you need to calm down.”

Roommate: “NO! SHE’S OFFERING YOU CHEMICALS! What was it you said!?” *I hadn’t named anything yet.* “SHE NEEDS TO DRINK WATER! YOU GOT THAT!? WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”

(He storms off to his room, still screaming at the top of his lungs. As my friends try to talk him down, I shakily stand up and head off to my room. However, doing this seems to irritate my roommate more, and he becomes much louder.)

Friend #2: “You need to stop!”

Roommate: “NO! IF SHE WANTS TO BE IMMATURE, LET HER! I’M THE ONE BEING AN ADULT HERE!”

Me: *turns to look at my roommate* “Can I say something? I’m not leaving because you were wrong. I’m sorry; I wasn’t thinking.” *at this point I really just want him to stop screaming* “I left because you’re screaming at me and it’s very rude.”

Roommate: “YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT RUDE!? I KNOW YOU WENT IN MY ROOM!”

Me: “What? I’ve never been in your room.”

Roommate: “WHY IS YOUR VOICE SHAKING?! IF YOU DIDN’T DO IT, WHY THE F*** IS YOUR VOICE SHAKING?!”

Me: “I—”

Roommate: “WHY IS YOUR VOICE SHAKING?!”

Me: “B-because my heart is pounding? You’re screaming at me.”

Roommate: “I’M TRYING TO BE AN ADULT HERE. THIS IS TOO IMMATURE FOR ME. ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR!? I DON’T DEAL WITH LIARS!”

(Then he stormed out of the apartment, stomping so loudly that the floor to our third-floor apartment shook. After this, I was scared of this man and proceeded to go home. I spent the next week quickly moving my stuff out of the apartment and commuting to school, which took two whole hours, one way. I came to find out that he submitted a complaint to the front office within the first day of me living there. It made things very ironic and incredibly creepy when I returned to the apartment at the end of the week and found that not only had he stolen some of my personal belongings from the common area, he had also dug through my personal trash for things to keep. I will be filing a police report tomorrow morning. Guilty conscious much?)

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