The Wrong Person Got Their Jaw Wired Shut

, , , , , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

(I was recently in a pretty bad car accident that left me with a broken jaw which had to be wired shut. While I can talk, I tend to avoid it since it is painful at times, and it is sometimes hard to understand me. My boss understands this, and has even gone so far as to have these big “Cannot Speak” signs made up with some details to explain my problem. For the most part, the customers have been nice and understanding about it. One day, around noon, I’m sweeping the front of the store when a smartly-dressed woman steps through the door. She walks over to me and asks where something is, and I don’t answer. Instead, I wave in the direction of the manager who comes over and asks what it is she wants, while I go back to sweeping. The woman asks and is directed to what she needs, and the manager comes back and tells me to ring her up.)

Woman: “Oh, hell no. I don’t want him ringing me up.”

Manager: “And why not? Did he do something wrong?”

Woman: “No, it’s just that he’s obviously a [disabled slur]. I don’t want this waste of human space screwing up anything.

Me: “Not [disabled slur].” *my words slur due to clenched teeth*

Woman: “See? They can’t even talk right. If I were president, I’d have all of them aborted before birth.”

Me: “Not [disabled slur].” *slurred again*

Woman: “Oh, shut up and let the adults do business.”

(I held up a finger to my manager, who I could see was VERY pissed. Walking over, I picked up a piece of paper from the copier, snagged a marker, and wrote out, “You ignorant, uneducated bigot. I can’t speak because I had a car accident, which you may have read about in the newspaper. My jaw is wired shut.” I turned the paper around so she could read it. I watched her look at it, look at me, and then look at the manager. You could almost hear the gears working in her mind as she started to blush, and refused to look at me the entire time. Shortly after she left, one of the regulars who overheard the conversation noted that it was everything he could do not to smack her in the head, in the hopes it might knock some sense into her.)

It Pays To Be Vigilant

, , , | | Working | May 22, 2018

(Our company’s payroll manager comes up to me one afternoon with a stack of paperwork.)

Manager: “Can you sign this for me?”

(I take the paperwork and see that it is a set of tables containing the salaries of every person in our locale. I’m not even meant to look at this information, much less put my signature to it.)

Me: “Sorry, why would I be doing this?”

Manager: “Because I haven’t got time to sign it.”

Me: “But, you’re right here. Why can’t you sign it?”

Manager: *getting angry* “Just sign it!”

Me: “No. I’m not allowed to even look at this.”

Manager: *huffs* “Fine.” *leaves*

(Two weeks went by and I only saw her occasionally. Payday came and no one was paid. There was a mass panic in our locale. I don’t know the full details, but the stack of paperwork was found in an unmarked pigeonhole by our estimating department, and to my knowledge the manager was asked to leave shortly after the incident. We don’t really know what was going on, but we have all agreed she probably wanted to quit, but thought getting fired would be easier. The worrying part, though, is why she wanted me to sign it. I keep wondering if she was trying to get me fired, too.)

Leaves Her Baby In A Flash (Drive)

, , , , , | | Right | May 22, 2018

(A customer comes in with her baby in a carrier. She sets the carrier down by her feet as she approaches my cash register.)

Customer: “Where are your flash drives?”

Me: “Over in aisle six.”

Customer: “Great. Can you just watch my baby for me? He’s just right there.” *points to her feet and quickly walks away*

Me: “Um…”

(I lean over the counter so I can see the baby, and he’s there sitting in his carrier. I keep watch on him, afraid that another customer will come and pull me away from him, or not see him on the floor and kick the carrier. The customer comes back about two minutes later.)

Customer: “Thanks for watching him.”

Me: “Um… Okay.”

(A few weeks later, I leave my cash to take some baskets back to the front door, and when I return, I gasp to see a baby in a carrier on the floor, unattended.)

Me: “Um! There’s a baby over here!”

(I turned around and recognized the same woman from a few weeks before, WAY at the FARTHEST till away, checking out! She didn’t even hear me call that there was an unattended baby. When she was done checking out she just slowly walked back over to get her baby.)

The Mole Sounded Better Off On Its Own

, , , , | | Right | May 22, 2018

(A customer comes up to me as I’m talking with three other managers. She is carrying a shoe box with a small blanket.)

Customer: *frantic* “I found this baby mole! Could you guys take him, please? I think his mother abandoned him!”

Pet Care Manager: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. We can’t.”

Customer: “BUT YOU’RE [PET STORE]!”

Store Manager: “I’m sorry, but we can’t accept any animals other than from our suppliers.”

Customer: “What?! What am I supposed to do with him? The vet won’t take him, either; can you please just take him!?”

Pet Care Manager: “I could give you the number for the wildlife rescue.”

Customer: “NO! THIS IS RIDICULOUS; YOU’RE [PET STORE]! You have to take him! Can’t you just feed him to your snakes?!”

Store Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can’t, but we can give you the number for the rescue.”

Customer: “WELL, I GUESS I’LL JUST KNOCK HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A ROCK AND KILL HIM!” *stomps off*

Homeownership Is A Deal-Breaker

, , , , | | Friendly | May 22, 2018

(My uncle’s friend’s partner has taken a liking to my grandmother. My uncle warns my mother to keep an eye on this woman; he doesn’t trust her, as his friend told him she was a golddigger, which is why he never married her. We notice that she has manipulated my grandmother into giving her specific items that she likes. My grandmother lives in my parent’s house, and one day my mother finds a handwritten note on my grandmother’s table.)

Note: “I, [Grandmother] hereby adopt [Friend] as my daughter.” *signed and dated by [Grandmother]*

Mum: “What the hell is this?”

Grandmother: “Oh, I was going to give that to [Friend] when she’s here today”

Mum: “Was this [Friend]’s idea?”

Grandmother: “Um… No, I thought it would be nice; she doesn’t have a family.”

Mum: “Has [Friend] seen this? Did you tell her that you wrote it?”

Grandmother: “No, not yet.”

Mum: “Please don’t do this again; I don’t trust her.”

Grandmother: “But she’s all alone; she’s got no family.”

Mum: “She’s got family and even grandchildren.”

(Mum made sure she stayed during the woman’s visit, happily telling the woman the story of how they had extended their house so that grandmother had her own rooms. She told me that the look on the woman’s face showed that she had thought that my grandmother owned the house.)

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