(My job has a couple of clients who are notorious for being difficult on the phone. This one client often makes demands we are unable to fulfill, and is rude and aggressive. On this day, he wants something done by the end of the day that takes two days minimum to be done.)

Me: “It is currently with one of our agents, sir. She needs to authorise it before I can—“

Client: “Right. Put her on the line, then.”

Me: “I can certainly put you through to her. May I put you on hold?”

Client: “No! I don’t want to be put on hold. I’m a very busy man! Just pass the phone to her.”

Me: “She’s actually in a separate office, but she has been waiting for your call. I have to put you on hold to be able to transfer the call to her.”

Client: “No, you don’t. You’re lying to me!”

Me: “I’m not lying, sir. I absolutely can put you through—“

Client: *at the top of his voice* “GO. AND. GET. HER. NOW!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t just leave the phone on my desk to do that. It’s against company procedure. In the time we’ve been talking, I could have put you through. If you would allow me to put you on hold–”

Client: “NO! I am a very busy man and I don’t have time. Get her to call me back in the next thirty minutes or I’ll sue your company!”

(The best bit? He called back fifteen minutes later saying no one had called and did the exact same thing to my colleague. He could have saved a lot of hassle.)

(A customer has asked me for a particular brand’s item.)

Me: “Sorry, that is [Competitor]’s own brand; we don’t have that.”

Customer: *emphasising as if I’m stupid* “I know it’s [Competitor]’s brand. Where is the [Brand] stuff?”

Me: “This is [Company], not [Competitor]; we don’t have that brand.”

Customer: “I. KNOW. WHERE. I. AM. I’m not asking if you have it; I want to know if they have it?”

Me: “I don’t know. I couldn’t tell you that.”

Customer: “What good are you? Why don’t you know?”

Me: “Because I don’t work at [Competitor]; I work here.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you ring them and find out?”

Me: “No, I don’t have their number.”

Customer: “Why not? You should, so you can call them for customers.”

Me: “Because I work for [Company], and not for our competitor.”

Customer: “So, you are going to make me drive all the way over there?” *it’s fifteen minutes away* “I won’t be very happy if they don’t have it. I’ll be calling your superiors if you’ve wasted my time.” *storms out*

(I call after her, as by this time I don’t give a s***:)

Me: “I can give you that number.”

Customer: “Excuse me. I need help looking for this.”

(She produces a promotional magazine for the shop next door.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is for next door.”

Customer: “I know.”

Me: “You will need to find help next door.”

Customer: “They’re all busy. Why can’t you help me?”

Me: “Because I don’t work there.”

Customer: “Aren’t all these shops the same?”

Me: “Miss, this is a tool shop, not a clothes outlet.”

Customer: “Humph! I’ll be calling your complaints department!” *storms out*

(She didn’t actually call our complaints department, but the one next door. I can only imagine what the poor person thought on the other end of the phone.)

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 12
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 11
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 10

(I’m working customer service when one of our regular, elderly customers, [Customer #1], comes up to the desk and does what he usually does: he asks for the aisle numbers for a few items. Another customer, [Customer #], comes up behind him.)

Customer #2: *quietly, but as I’m still helping the first customer* “Can I get a pack of [cigarettes]?”

Me: “One moment, sir. I’m still helping this gentleman.”

Customer #2: *while I’m STILL helping the first customer* “Well, can’t you help me while you’re waiting for him to speak?”

(I ignore him as I finish helping [Customer #1]. When I am done, I turn to [Customer #2].)

Me: *to [Customer #2]* “How can I help you?”

Customer #2: “A pack of [cigarettes]. And I’ll make sure to let your managers know of your ‘excellent’ customer service, and how you can’t handle multitasking very well.”

Me: “I can multitask pretty well, actually.”

Customer #2: “Apparently not.”

Me: “Yes, I can, sir. I was just trying to not be rude to the other customer.”

Customer #2: “I wasn’t being rude; that’s why I asked quietly.”

Me: “Okay, sir.” *hands him his change and he walks away*

(Another customer comes up to the desk after hearing what just happened.)

Customer #3: “Wow…”

Me: “I know! Thank you!”

([Customer #2], about ten feet away, drops the change I just gave him.)

Me: *to [Customer #3]* “Well, look who can’t multitask by walking and carrying change at the same time.”

(I work at the admissions desk of a museum, selling entry tickets. It is an extremely busy day as it is a public holiday and the weather is nice. Even with every till open and as many staff as possible trying to get people through the doors, the waiting time for the visitors is still around an hour and a half. A small family approaches my desk to pay for their tickets.)

Me: “Hello, I’m sorry about the wait today.”

Customer: “I want to use this two-for-one voucher.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry, but unfortunately we can’t accept two-for-one vouchers on bank holidays.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “We’re unable to accept that voucher today, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “You mean to tell me that we’ve stood in this queue for two hours, and now you’re going to tell me that I can’t even use my voucher?!”

Me: “I’m very sorry about the wait; we’re extremely busy today. But it does state clearly at the bottom of the voucher that it cannot be used on bank holidays.”

Customer: “Are you stupid?! Do you honestly think that I would have stood in this queue for hours and hours and not even bothered to read this? It doesn’t say anywhere on this voucher that it can’t be used today, nowhere!”

Me: “It does say at the bottom—“

Customer: “No, it does not! I think your attitude is appalling. You’re just trying to con me out of a deal! I think you’re just trying to scam people and pocket the difference! To prove it to you, I am going to stand here and read the contents of this voucher out loud, so you’ll hear it doesn’t state that anywhere, and then I want to speak to your manager about your attitude!”

(I resisted the urge to point out that I do not work on commission and am certainly not a thief, and patiently stood there as she loudly read the entire contents of the voucher to me. At this point, she’d raised her voice enough to attract the attention of other customers in the queue. She read the spiel about how the voucher couldn’t be used with any other offer and so on, all neatly laid out in bullet points, in a large enough font… until she reached the BOLDED bullet point about the voucher not being accepted on bank holidays and abruptly stopped talking. She refused to even look at me as she handed her purse to her husband and walked away, leaving him and their very embarrassed-looking children to purchase their tickets.)