This Name Survived The Third Reich

, , , , , , | Related | January 15, 2020

(I’m at my boyfriend’s house for dinner. I am meeting his parents and his siblings for the first time. I also have an unusual name.)

Boyfriend’s Sister: “So, what’s with your name?”

Me: “It’s a name.”

Boyfriend’s Sister: “Yeah, a stupid name.”

Boyfriend: *laughs nervously*

Boyfriend’s Mother: “[Boyfriend’s Sister]! [My Name] is a guest!”

Boyfriend’s Sister: “With a stupid name.” *looks at me smugly*

Me: “Actually, I was named after my great-grandma, who was in a concentration camp in the forties. She survived, but she later died from lung problems brought on by the terrible air in the camp.”

All: *silent*

Boyfriend: “Guys, I told you not to make fun of her name. I told you there was a reason for it. Now you’ve made yourselves look like jerks. Come on, [My Name], I’ll take you to [Fast Food Place]. You like the chicken nuggets, right? 

(Later on in the week, I got an apology letter from my boyfriend’s sister and it was signed by his parents, as well. Apparently, the girl got into a heap of trouble for making fun of my name.)

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Put On ALL The Calendars The Date He Moves Out

, , , | Related | January 14, 2020

(We have a relation living with us, mainly because he can’t afford to live on his own. Over the past year, it’s become obvious that he’s a spendthrift and always spends money on stupid gimmicky things that he “just has to have.” He also buys a lot of these things as gifts.)

Relation: *handing me a calendar full of half-naked men with kittens* “l just had to get this for you.”

Me: *cringing because I hate this sort of thing* “Thanks, but you didn’t have to. It’s just that I don’t really like having pics of half-naked men around.”

Relation: “But you like kittens.”

(Christmas comes and he gets everyone a s***-load of gimmicky gifts, which includes a calendar for me; I actually hang this one in the kitchen to use. It’s now ten days after Christmas and he comes home from yet another day of shopping.)

Relation: “I got this for you.” *hands me a calendar with cats on it*

Me: “Uh, thanks, but I think I’ve got more than enough calendars.”

Relation: “Yeah, maybe, but I just had to buy it for you; you like cats.”

(He’s probably spent close to $80 on calendars for me alone. He does the same thing for others, too; no wonder he can’t afford a place of his own. And owning one cat does not mean I am obsessed with them.)

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Be Glad They’re Not Going To War

, , , , , , | Related | January 13, 2020

(Every year on New Year’s Eve, my family has a big sleepover at my grandmother’s house. Cousins, grandchildren, and out-of-state relatives will all travel to partake in this. This year, we have someone new participating as my uncle, who lives next door to my grandmother, just got married and now has a 17-year-old stepson. None of us know him very well; most of us are meeting him for the first time at this sleepover. Pretty much all any of us really know about our new cousin is that he really, really likes Star Wars. He notices that one of my younger cousins, who is equally a big fan of Star Wars, is wearing BB-8 pajamas and starts questioning her about her knowledge.)

Cousin #1: “BB-8, huh? Have you seen any of the older movies or just the new ones?”

Cousin #2: “No, I’ve seen them all.”

Cousin #1: “Have you ever actually seen a movie in theaters?”

Cousin #2: “My dad took me to see a free screening of A New Hope at [Local Discount Theater] once.”

Cousin #1: “Oh? Well, then, what about Clone Wars? Have you ever seen either of the Clone Wars cartoons?”

(He eventually starts quizzing her on very specific moments in Star Wars lore and, to her credit, she can answer most of them pretty well until she gets to one question about the show “The Mandalorian” that stumps her.)

Cousin #2: “I don’t know! I haven’t seen it yet because we don’t have Disney+!”

(By this point, I’m starting to worry that he’s gatekeeping and trying to assess whether or not she’s a “true fan,” and I’m getting ready to intervene and defend her if I have to, until I see him smile and get excited.)

Cousin #1: “Yes! I found something you don’t know! Let me get my Xbox so I can show you!”

(He ended up running next door to his house and grabbing his Xbox so they and a bunch of the other kids could stay up all night watching “The Mandalorian” and other Disney shows on his Disney+ account. The next day, the two of them were gushing about Star Wars and he sent her home with a couple of his favorite novels to read. I think he is going to fit in with our family just fine.)

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Didn’t Clean The Log Cabin When You Were Building A Log Cabin

, , , , | Related | January 12, 2020

(My in-laws own a cabin at the lake. One summer, my 21-year-old daughter asks if she and her friends can borrow it for a long weekend.)

Mother-In-Law: “That’s fine, but there are a couple of things you need to promise me. Keep the noise down; don’t disturb our neighbours.”

Daughter: “No problem, Grandma.”

Mother-In-Law: “Also, you need to clean up after yourselves. Leave the cabin looking exactly as you found it. Got it? Otherwise, I won’t lend it to you again.”

Daughter: “Absolutely. I promise.”

(After the weekend is over, I ask how it went.)

Daughter: “Fine! We had a few drinks each evening, but we stayed inside the cabin, and we didn’t make any noise. On the morning we left, the three of us cleaned the place from top to bottom, and it looked great.”

(Later that day, the phone rings. It is my mother-in-law.)

Husband: “I hear that [Daughter] and her friends had a great time at the cabin. Thanks so much for lending it to them.”

Mother-In-Law: “Uh-huh.”

Husband: “Is something wrong?”

Mother-In-Law: “I told her that she had to leave the place clean. I’m not happy, and I’m thinking seriously about not lending it to her again.”

Husband: “But… she said that they left it spic-and-span. What didn’t they clean?”

Mother-In-Law: “The underside of the toilet seat.”

Husband: *expectant pause* “And?”

Mother-In-Law: “That’s it.”

Husband: “That’s it? They only missed one thing that I don’t think I would have remembered to clean?”

Mother-In-Law: “Regardless, it wasn’t cleaned. I’ll have to think long and hard before I let her borrow the cabin again.”

(She eventually relented, but sheesh. There’s being house-proud, and then there’s THAT.)

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Wizard Of Thrones

, , , , , | Related | January 11, 2020

(We are watching “The Wizard Of Oz” on TV.)

Eight-Year-Old: “Mummy, they need a brain, a heart, and… what does the lion need?”

Me: “Well, think about it; if the lion is scared of everything, what does he need to feel powerful?”

Eight-Year-Old: “A sword!”

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