Funny stories about family

Unfortunately, Familial Support Seems To Be Fluid, Too

, , , , | Related | CREDIT: DazedMissile | June 9, 2021

I recently accepted myself as genderfluid. I haven’t come out to basically anyone yet except for my best friend and a small part of my family.

A few months ago, my grandma, who is on a walker and cannot move too much on her own, asked the family to visit. The health crisis was particularly bad in our area at the time, so most of us said no. A few days ago, we went finally to visit since the cases were going down, although I insisted on always wearing my mask, tried to approach people as little as possible, and did not touch other people’s stuff. And I got to see my cousins again.

I stepped out for a moment to talk to my best friend on the phone.

Me: “I’m a bit uncomfortable with what I’m wearing; I’m dressed a little more boyish today. I still look ‘normal,’ but my aunt’s kind of conservative, and she keeps saying stuff like, ‘You have such a nice body; such a shame you decide to act like a boy and not like the nice girl you are.’” *Sigh* “I wonder if one day she’ll understand that I’m no longer a girl.”

It turns out that my six-year-old cousin thought I was playing hide-and-seek, so he came looking for me and heard my last sentence.

I ended my call and walked back inside.

Aunt: “HOW DARE YOU CONFUSE MY CHILD WITH YOUR COMPLEX OF ATTENTION SEEKING?!”

Me: “What?!”

Aunt: “You said you were no longer a girl! What are you then? A [potentially offensive word for trans people]?”

Me: “Well, not, exactly I—”

Aunt: “I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE A BAD INFLUENCE ON MY KIDS! YOU’LL GIVE THEM THE GAY!”

My uncle tried to calm her down; all her yelling must have been heard from the streets. He failed.

So, with no way to reason with her, I just walked away and texted my other aunt, who I live with, to pick me up and take me home. I haven’t spoken to anybody else on that side of the family yet.

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Complete With A Swirl And A Smile

, , | Related | June 8, 2021

Our two kids have just gotten a small ice cream each.

Four-Year-Old: “Mommy, Mommy, what is this?”

They point at the dark-chocolate-covered top of the ice cream. The four-year-old chirps in a happy tune that only children can come up with.

Four-Year-Old: “It’s poo-coloured!”

They had no idea why I started laughing out loud.

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Sometimes All You Need Is A Little Sit In The Garden

, , , , | Related | June 7, 2021

My two sons just had a big quarrel with each other. I don’t know the details, but they have been all fire and brimstone with each other. It’s gone on for a week now, which has made family dinners very awkward, as they can’t be in the same room without a shouting match occurring within five minutes.

Eventually, I lose my patience with those two and throw both of them out of the house with an order to never return until they’ve made up. So, two grumbling teenagers sit themselves at the bench in the garden, pointedly not looking at each other and practically oozing rage.

They’re like that for pretty much an entire hour, doing nothing but sitting beside each other and saying absolutely nothing.

Then, suddenly, they both get up at the same time and come back in.

Me: “Have the two of you stopped quarrelling?”

Son #1: “Yup, Mum.”

Son #2: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “You’ve made up?”

Son #1: “Yeah. I realised it was just childish.”

Son #2: “I don’t even remember why we were arguing.”

Son #1: “Yeah, me, too.”

Me: “Did either of you apologise to each other?”

Son #1: “No point.”

Son #2: “Nothing to forgive.”

Indeed, they were best of friends once again after that hour in the garden — all without saying a word to the other. I still don’t know why they were quarrelling in the first place.

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Having Trouble Processing This Relationship

, , , , , | Related | CREDIT: LimeSucker | June 6, 2021

After I graduated high school, I decided to go to study in another city, so I had to rent an apartment. My parents — especially my step-mother — refused to pay for my apartment, even though they were wealthy enough to do so. I had no money whatsoever, so my grandparents intervened and decided to pay for the rent each month. The only money I was getting from my parents was my mother’s alimony paid to my dad because I was still a student

I’m a gamer and a nerd, and I played “World of Warcraft,” but I was playing with a crappy laptop that was getting slower and slower. An in-game friend in my guild bought me a computer and surprised me with it when I invited him for a LAN with other friends from the same guild. I was ecstatic and so grateful!

Two years passed, and I graduated with a two-year diploma. I decided to go to engineering school, and the one I got into was in another city so I had to move out. As I had two months before starting school again, I moved all my belonging into my parents’ garage, included said computer. The next day, I went to have some holiday weeks at my grandparents’ holiday house.

While on the train, I received a message from both my dad and my step-mother.

Dad & Step-Mother: “What the h*** is that computer in the garage?”

Me: “It’s my computer?”

Dad & Step-Mother: “How did you get it? With what money?”

Me: “A friend gifted it to me. I already told you about it, Dad.”

Dad & Step-Mother: “That’s a bulls*** story!”

Me: *Frustrated* “You can call me when I get home.”

A few hours after, I’m at my grandparents’ and they call me. The exact same conversation ensues, and they do not believe how I got that computer, so my dad has the bright idea to ask that friend to give me the invoice for the computer — it was a prebuilt tower — so he could trust me.

I contacted my friend to ask if it was possible to have the invoice, and I was so embarrassed to ask him because I told him the exact reason I needed it. He said it was no problem and sent it to me, and I sent it to my dad.

I thought they were convinced, but they still kept scolding me for having that computer.

Fast forward a few weeks. I’m back at my parents’ house because I need to move for engineering school. I try to pack my things, but they refuse to let me have my computer.

Me: “You can’t possibly tell me to leave it here; you didn’t even pay for it.”

Dad & Step-Mother: “We don’t care; you’re not taking your gaming computer for school.”

There was no point in arguing, so I left without it. Unfortunately for them, I try hard to get the things I want. I knew they were going away for vacation in December, so before they left, I ordered a new computer case and asked a friend of mine if she could send me her old spare parts.

While my parents were away, I went to their house, brought the new case and the old parts, installed the old parts in the old case, and transferred my computer parts into the new case. I left the old case in the garage and took my computer back to my place.

It has been a few years now and I have been authorized to have my “computer” back. They still don’t know.

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The Game Is A-Foot

, , , , , | Related | June 3, 2021

I’m watching my oldest daughter, who is twenty-two, play with my youngest daughter, who is ten. [Youngest] has her arms around the other’s ankle, playfully trying to tug [Oldest] off the couch. My oldest is “struggling” in [Youngest]’s grip.

Youngest: “Come play!”

Oldest: *Flailing dramatically* “You’ll never take me alive!”

[Youngest] wraps her arms around [Oldest]’s foot and pulls.

Oldest: “Oh— Ouch! Hang on.”

Youngest: “Did I hurt you?”

Oldest: “It’s okay; that’s just the foot I had surgery on and I guess you pressed on the site. Here.”

She offers up her other foot, instead. [Youngest] wraps her arms around the other foot and tugs.

Youngest: “Come play!”

Oldest: *Flailing* “Never, I say! Never!

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