We live not too far outside of New Orleans. It’s also currently in the middle of Jazz Fest, which is easily one of our state’s biggest festivals with a massive lineup of musical artists.

We’re at home, and I read out a headline whilst checking for local news.

Me: “‘Missing man found dead in [Our Parish]’.”

Mom: “Who’s that?”

Me: “Huh?”

Mom: “You said Missy Man was found dead here?”

Me: “…Jesus Christ, Mom, I said missing man.”

Mom: “Oh… that makes a lot more sense… I thought it was some celebrity here for Jazz Fest I’d never heard of, and I was confused how they found themselves dead in our parish of all places.”

I’m at a pizza restaurant with my grandparents.

Grandpa: “What do we want on the first pizza?”

Grandma: “Sausage and pepperoni.”

Grandpa: *To employee.* “Sausage on the whole pizza and pepperoni on the whole pizza.”

Grandpa: *To Grandma.* “Do you want pineapple on half?”

Grandma: “Yes.”

Grandpa: *To employee.* “Pineapple on half.”

Grandpa: *To Grandma.* “What about the second one?”

Grandma: “I thought we were talking about the second one.”

Grandpa: “No, this is the first one.”

Grandma: “Oh.”

Grandpa: “What do you want on the second one?”

Grandma: “I don’t know. The same thing?”

Grandpa: *To employee.* “Okay, another sausage and pepperoni with pineapple on half.”

Me: “It might make more sense to get one pepperoni and sausage, and one pepperoni, sausage, and pineapple.”

Grandpa: “I know that makes more sense, but this is what we’re doing.”

When we ate the pizza later, Grandpa complained about the non-pineapple half tasting like pineapple.

Our entire family (Mum, Dad, thirteen-year-old sister, me (eleven), and our youngest brother (five)) is out at the supermarket, shopping before a big holiday. A lot of sweet treats are on sale.

Youngest Brother: “Mum, can we get biscuits?”

Mum: “No.”

Youngest Brother: “But muuuum, I want biscuits.”

Mum: “No, they’re not on the list.”

Youngest Brother: “But I want the chocolate ones.”

Mum: “We can’t afford them.”

There was a pause before he loudly asked, within earshot of multiple customers and employees:

Youngest Brother: “Can we steal them?”

My sister and I couldn’t help but laugh.

Me: “Solution-oriented. I like it!”

Sister: “Kid’s going places! Probably prison, but still…”

We did not buy the chocolate biscuits… or steal them.

A grandma is with her little granddaughter (about three or four), sitting at a table I’m serving. It’s a small café, so I can easily overhear their conversation.

Grandma: “I have something very important to ask you, and I hope you feel you can tell me.”

Granddaughter: “Okay, Grandma.”

Grandma: “Are you a Jedi or a Sith?”

Granddaughter: *As completely serious as a little kid can be.* “I’m a Jedi.”

Grandma: *Beaming smile.* “Awesome! Me too!”

They proceed to giggle for at least two minutes.

We’re discussing a family gathering happening next week.

Mom: “Oh, you’ll need to go pick up your aunt and Grandma.”

Me: “Huh? Why? They can drive.”

Mom: “Yeah, but with gas prices being what they are, we’ve decided to just use the one car.”

Me: “So, my car? I don’t see why I should be driving them when they’re the ones who voted for the guy who did this to the gas prices.”

Mom: “You should be happy! They’re both so angry about the gas prices, they said they wouldn’t vote the same way next time.”

Me: “Oh, yay. Bombing children, starting wars, attacking human rights of the marginalized, and being best friends with THAT guy weren’t an issue, but gas prices is where they draw the line? Yeah, I wasn’t going to pick them up before, but I’m definitely not now.”