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Funny stories about family

Don’t Let Auntie Reformat Or The World Ends

, , , | Related | November 18, 2021

I am fixing my aunt’s computer:

Aunt: “I don’t need internet plugged in, I have the whole internet on a disk!”

Me: “The whole internet?”

Aunt: “Yes!”

Planting The Seeds Of Knowledge

, , , , , , , | Related | November 16, 2021

My friend was trying to conceive using donor sperm shipped to them. Their adoptive son saw the container arrive and asked his mother what it was.

Friend: “You know how we plant seeds to make plants grow? These are sort of like baby seeds. They go into me and, hopefully, they will make a baby start growing!”

Her son seemed content with this; he already knew they were trying for another child. A few weeks later, my friend was on Facebook when she saw a post from her son’s pregnant teacher.

Teacher: “The things you hear as a teacher. Today, I had a kid ask me if I was pregnant because my husband planted baby seeds in me.”

Realizing that had to have been her son, my friend wrote back apologizing and explaining the context of her son’s question. The teacher just wished her good luck with growing her baby seeds.

It’s Nun Of Your Business

, , , , , | Related | November 14, 2021

I’m in the car with my mom when we find ourselves behind a car moving VERY slowly. We figure it’s just “Sunday drivers” or possibly “leafers” — tourists from hotter states who’ve come to see the leaves turn color on our trees — but after a few minutes, Mom gets annoyed with them.

Mom: “What are we behind, a couple of nuns?!

As if on cue, the car makes a turn. Into a church. And we can see far enough into the car to see that, yes, we ARE behind a couple of nuns.

Mom: *Gasps* “I’m sorry, Jesus!”

“Old” Is Relative, Especially To Your Relatives

, , , , | Related | November 12, 2021

My grandma likes to hear what I’m up to, so I text her every once in a while. Tonight, I spent some time at a clothing repair event staffed almost entirely by older women who were immensely sweet and helpful.

Me: “I just spent a nice few hours with some old ladies.”

Grandma: “Define ‘old.'”

Me: “For the sake of my health, I will not.”

Grandma: “Good choice.”

She was quite cheery for the rest of the conversation!

You Smelt It But I Didn’t Dealt It

, , , , | Related | November 10, 2021

My family is on a tour in Switzerland. We pass by some horse-drawn carriages.

Mum: “Yuck, [My Name], you need to use more deodorant.”

Me: “Mum, those are horses you’re smelling.”