Fostering A Different Understanding Of How Eyes Work

, , , , , | Related | January 2, 2020

(I’m about twelve. My mom is taking me, my friend, and my friend’s foster sister to a Girl Scout campout. We get there early to ride horses, but the horses are canceled due to the weather, so my mom decides to take us to a store in the nearby town to get a snack.)

Foster Sister: “I can’t be here.”

Mom: “Why not?”

Foster Sister: “I’m not supposed to see any of my relatives, and one of them lives on this street.”

Mom: “Well… if you see them, don’t look.”

Foster Sister: “Okay.”

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They’re Always Hungry At That Age

, , , , , | Related | January 2, 2020

([Nephew #1] is the recent big brother to two adorable twins. [Nephew #2] is his cousin. Both are four years old.)

Nephew #1: “[Baby #1] and [Baby #2] are so cute I could just eat them up.”

Nephew #2: “Yeah, I could eat them up! Except that we can’t because they are full of blood.”

Nephew #1: “No! It’s because they are full of bones and we would choke!”

(They fit in so well with our family.)

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Down The Hall, Past The Manners

, , , , | Related | January 1, 2020

(This story is about when my mom is a teenager. The first time my mom goes to a fancy-ish restaurant, at one point she needs to go to the bathroom.)

Mom: “Mom, I need to pee.”

Memaw: “Don’t say that! You need to use etiquette here!”

Mom: “Okay.”

(A few minutes later, the waiter comes.)

Mom: “Excuse me? Where’s the etiquette?”

Waiter: “…?”

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So Drunk That The Alphabet Changed

, , , , , , | Related | January 1, 2020

(It’s New Year’s morning, a little after five in the morning. My cousin, her fiancé, a friend from our gaming group, his sleeping wife, and I are in a room. His wife starts snoring lightly and he goes to roll her over.)

Me: “Ah, just let her be.”

Cousin: *drunk* “Letter B! Letter B! Third letter of the alphabet!”

Me: “Third?”

Cousin: “Second! Close enough!”

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Their Brains Are In The Dead Of Winter

, , , , | Related | December 31, 2019

(It’s late December. The weather is cold and snowy, and most days have been overcast and dull.)

Husband: *for the millionth time* “The sun doesn’t come up until after breakfast, and it sets before we have supper.”

Me: “Yeah, the cold and the dark can get pretty depressing. We should have some kind of a winter festival, with fancy decorations and parties and special foods and drinks.”

Daughter: “Great idea; you can organize it!”

(Facepalm.)

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