(I’m about twelve. My mom is taking me, my friend, and my friend’s foster sister to a Girl Scout campout. We get there early to ride horses, but the horses are canceled due to the weather, so my mom decides to take us to a store in the nearby town to get a snack.)
Foster Sister: “I can’t be here.”
Mom: “Why not?”
Foster Sister: “I’m not supposed to see any of my relatives, and one of them lives on this street.”
Mom: “Well… if you see them, don’t look.”
Foster Sister: “Okay.”
([Nephew #1] is the recent big brother to two adorable twins. [Nephew #2] is his cousin. Both are four years old.)
Nephew #1: “[Baby #1] and [Baby #2] are so cute I could just eat them up.”
Nephew #2: “Yeah, I could eat them up! Except that we can’t because they are full of blood.”
Nephew #1: “No! It’s because they are full of bones and we would choke!”
(They fit in so well with our family.)
(This story is about when my mom is a teenager. The first time my mom goes to a fancy-ish restaurant, at one point she needs to go to the bathroom.)
Mom: “Mom, I need to pee.”
Memaw: “Don’t say that! You need to use etiquette here!”
Mom: “Okay.”
(A few minutes later, the waiter comes.)
Mom: “Excuse me? Where’s the etiquette?”
Waiter: “…?”
(It’s New Year’s morning, a little after five in the morning. My cousin, her fiancé, a friend from our gaming group, his sleeping wife, and I are in a room. His wife starts snoring lightly and he goes to roll her over.)
Me: “Ah, just let her be.”
Cousin: *drunk* “Letter B! Letter B! Third letter of the alphabet!”
Me: “Third?”
Cousin: “Second! Close enough!”
(It’s late December. The weather is cold and snowy, and most days have been overcast and dull.)
Husband: *for the millionth time* “The sun doesn’t come up until after breakfast, and it sets before we have supper.”
Me: “Yeah, the cold and the dark can get pretty depressing. We should have some kind of a winter festival, with fancy decorations and parties and special foods and drinks.”
Daughter: “Great idea; you can organize it!”
(Facepalm.)
