(I overhear a boy about the age of eight, wandering through the pet store and looking at the fish tanks.)

Boy: “27 cents for a goldfish? What a rip-off!”

(He wanders down to the tanks containing very large fancy goldfish.)

Boy: “$50 for a goldfish? What a rip-off!”

(He continues in this fashion, reading the prices out aloud and exclaiming ‘what a rip-off!’ after each one. His father tracks him down.)

Father: “Hey buddy, ready to go?”

Boy: “Look at this pretty fish, dad!”

Father: “$15? What a rip-off!”

(A man and his two sons are checking out through my register. The younger of the two sons grabs a bag of Skittles from the candy selection.)

Son: “Dad, can I have some Skittles?”

Dad: “No. Teenage girls eat Skittles. And what are teenage girls?”

Both Sons: *raising their little fists in the air* “EVIL!”

Child: “Daddy! Look at this!”

(The father comes over to find his child looking at an adult magazine.)

Father: *to me* “What the h*** is wrong with you? How can you let a 6-year-old boy look at this smut?!”

Me: *ringing up another customer* “Sir, I’m with another customer right now.”

Father: *waving the magazine in my face* “He is way too young for this! Why didn’t you stop him from looking at this?” *he starts screaming obscenities*

(My manager walks by as this is happening.)

Manager: “Sir, she is a cashier, not a babysitter. It is not her job to watch your child, it is yours. She was doing her job when you came up to scream at her. Now get out before I call the police.”

(The man looks embarrassed as he leads his son out. A minute later, he walks back in.)

Father: *mumbles* “I forgot my other son.”

Also seen on Not Always Right

(A three-year-old boy is playing with some dolls at the daycare center and separating them into families.)

Boy: “And this is the mommy, and this is the daughter, and this is the other mommy, and this is the son and the daughter, and this is the other mommy–”

Worker: “Where are all the daddies?”

Boy: “They’re in jail.”

(Someone had left a massager in my department, and a little boy of about four found it and began to experiment with it. He held it up to his dad’s back and pushed the button; when that elicited no reaction, he held it up to his grandmother’s pelvic area and pushed the button.)

Grandma: “OOOOOOOOH! It’s a vibrator! ”

Little boy: *laughing* “Did it tickle?”

Grandma: “Yes, it tickled! But put it down before you break it and your daddy has to buy it.”

Little boy: *skips out toward main mall* “It’s a vibrator, a vibrator! I vibrated Granny!!!”

Also seen on Not Always Right