Me: “Hi! This is [Restaurant]; how can I help you?”
Caller: “I’d like to order a delivery.”
Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do deliveries.”
Caller: “So, you expect me to come all the way over… to eat your food?!”
Me: “Umm… yeah, if you want.”
Caller: “Goodbye!” *hangs up*
This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!
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(In my line are a preteen girl, an older woman behind her, and lastly, a middle-aged woman.)
Me: “Can I have your zip code, please?”
Young Girl: “Wait, what?”
Me: “We’re just doing a survey.”
Middle-Aged Woman: “Don’t listen to her, honey. You don’t have to give her any information if you don’t want to. They’re just going to use it to help the government to watch you! The government is already in enough things. You shouldn’t give them any more opportunities to watch what you’re doing! I never give my information when sales girls ask for it; that’s my right, and it’s your right to refuse!”
Young Girl: “Um…”
Me: *I punch in my own zip code* “It’s fine, never mind. That’ll be $6.34.”
(Next is the older woman…)
Older Woman: “You can have my zip code. I shop here all the time, and I love getting coupons and fliers in the mail because the company knows people in my town shop here often. In fact, I have a coupon with me today!”
Me: “Well, thank you, ma’am!”
(The older woman pays and leaves and I ring up the middle-aged woman’s purchases. I punch in my own zip code again for her because I don’t want to hear another speech about the government stalking people via zip code.)
Me: “That’ll be $24.56.”
Middle-Aged Woman: “What? I wanted to give you my zip code!”
This story is part of our crazy customer conspiracy theorists roundup!
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Customer: “I want your name!”
Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”
Customer: “There is a huge scratch on the trunk of my Lexus from your f****** pump hose. I am going to sue this store for damages. I want your f****** name!”
Me: “My name is [My Name], sir, just like it says on the name tag. What happened?”
Customer: “I pulled up on the other side of the pump, so I had to drag the hose over the trunk to fill up, and the handle scratched my car. I want your full and address. I am suing you for damages.”
Me: “Let me get this straight… You pulled up to the wrong side of the pump, and you were too dumb to pull around to the right side, so you dragged a metal-headed gas hose over the trunk of your car, scratching the paint yourself, and you think I am the one responsible?”
Customer: “Yes, god-d*** it! Give me your last name and address!”
Me: “No chance in h***. That’ll be $17.23 for the gas.”
Customer: “F*** you!”
(He drove off without paying. We caught the whole thing on interior and exterior video, including the license plate of his poor scratched Lexus. The state troopers caught him before he made it to the next freeway exit. I quit that job the next day.)
This story is part of the Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup!
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Me: “Hi, I haven’t seen you in a while! How are you?”
Elderly Resident: “Good. You’re getting chubby.”
Me: “Really? I’ve been working out every day for about a month now.”
Elderly Resident: “Oh… maybe your boobs are just getting smaller.”
This story is part of our Nursing Home Worker roundup!
(I’m the electronics specialist at my store, and all electronic products go through me at some point before they are put out on the floor.)
Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a video game for my son. Can you find someone to help me with that?”
Me: “Oh, sure. Which game system did you want it for?”
Customer: “Oh no, not you. Can you find someone else? ”
Me: “Well, there’s nobody else in this department right now who has access to the video games. It’s gonna have to be me.”
Customer: “I mean, you’re a GIRL. What do you know? I demand that someone with more… well, I want a guy to help me. I’ll wait.”
Me: “Sure… I’ll call someone to come over.”
(I call over my male co-worker on the walkie who arrives about ten minutes later. My coworker gives me a weird look.)
Coworker: “Okay… what did you need, sir?”
(The customer starts rattling off a ton of technical questions about the compatibility of certain games and accessories, as well as questions about the content of each game.)
Coworker: “Uhh… I don’t really know. You should ask her. She IS the Electronics Specialist…”
Customer: “WHAT?! HOW?! She’s… a… GIRL! Well, I still want you to help me.”
(My coworker and I follow this customer around for about twenty minutes as he asks questions to my coworker, who in turn asks ME. When I answer, the customer tunes out, so that my coworker has to repeat what I said.)
Customer: “Now, was that so hard?”
This story is included in our Videogame Store roundup.
