CONTENT WARNING: Attempted Sexual Assault

I was at a restaurant by myself, mostly killing time watching a sports game, when I happened to look up to see a man standing next to a nearby table, slightly hunched over it. It wouldn’t have stood out as anything special to me except the man saw me, got this conspiratory grin, and put his finger up to his mouth as if to shush me before going back to his seat at the table. I had no clue what that was about, so I mostly just forgot about it and went back to my meal. 

I ended up staying to watch the end of the game I’d started and so was there for some time after finishing my meal. It was quite a while later when I was bumped into by someone and so looked over to see what happened. At some point, the man at the other table had been joined by a woman, and that woman had bumped into me as they were getting up to go.

Seeing me looking at them, the man came up to me with a cocky grin on his face and said, in a voice that sounded both as if he was bragging and inviting me into some sort of joke:

Man: “We’re just heading back to my place to relax.”

He put an extra emphasis on the word “relax” which made it clear that was not at all what he was intending.

Now, I will fully admit that I’m not the most observant guy out there — far from it — but even I couldn’t fail to miss just how creepy and off this man was behaving. That caused me to pay enough attention to both of them to realize the women looked… off. She seemed a little confused, and she seemed to be having trouble walking as if dizzy. She almost seemed drunk except that when I looked at her glass on the table it appeared to be a soda. I stood up.

Me: “Ma’am, are you feeling okay?”

She looked slightly confused even as she said she was okay, in a voice that also sounded a bit off.

Hearing me listing all these symptoms, I’m sure this all sounds super wrong, but I need to stress that while all the symptoms were there, they were all very underplayed. She seemed very slightly confused, very slightly unstable. Every individual symptom was so minor it would be easy for anyone to dismiss it if they noticed anything at all, and even taken as a whole, I likely would have written it off as her having gotten slightly inebriated if the guy wasn’t still grinning at me as if he was proud of what was happening and otherwise doing everything he could to make me feel something very bad was happening here.

Eventually, even I managed to connect the dots and realize that the man may have just finished slipping something into this women’s drink right when I was looking up. I didn’t witness that, but he seemed to think I had. The only problem was that I still wasn’t sure if that was true. Again, I stress that all the symptoms were minor enough at this time that I couldn’t be certain that they weren’t my own imagination due to her date giving me the creeps. I had no definitive proof anything was actually happening, and I really wasn’t sure if, from a purely legal standpoint, I was allowed to physically intercede given my lack of evidence. Still, I couldn’t just sit by and do nothing given my suspicions.

Me: *To the woman* “Would you like me to give you a ride home?”

Man: *Offended* “No! She’s coming home with me. She’s mine.”

Again, I really wasn’t sure I had a legal basis to do anything, so I just directed my question to the woman.

Me: “Ma’am, you don’t look well. Could I please take you back to your home?”

She didn’t give me a definitive answer, looking unsure what she wanted herself. Meanwhile, the man got increasingly aggressive. I got a distinct vibe that he thought I was trying to steal her away so I could be the one to take advantage of her, as if it never occurred to him that I might just not be okay with a woman being assaulted like that.

This made me more confident that my guess that he had done something was right, but I still wasn’t sure what I legally could do if he just escorted her out of the restaurant without her giving a clear answer that she didn’t want to go with him. Luckily, the man screwed himself over by being too aggressive with me, as this drew attention and eventually the manager, another woman, came over to ask what was wrong.

This is when the man started to look concerned. Before I could give any real answer, the man said:

Man: “Nothing’s wrong. I was just going!”

He high-tailed it out of the restaurant, leaving the woman behind.

After the manager offered to speak somewhere a bit more private, I told her what I suspected. She looked outraged.

Manager: “I’ll make sure to save that man’s credit information and everything else about him that we can, in case the police call. I’ll also have the staff save the rest of the woman’s drink somewhere so it can be tested.”

That had never even occurred to me.

Eventually, I ended up giving the woman a ride back to her apartment, and as time passed, her symptoms grew worse until it was clear that she must have been slipped something. I tried to explain what I thought happened during the drive, but I wasn’t really sure she was retaining it, and she ended up falling asleep, still fully dressed, in her bed at the apartment not long after I got her there.

Not sure what to do after that, I wrote her a very long note explaining everything that had happened, telling her the manager of the restaurant had saved everything in case she needed evidence, and giving my own contact information if she needed to reach out to me. Then, unable to think of anything else I could do, I let myself out, making sure the door was locked as I left. 

I never heard back from the woman. In fact, I never even learned her name. I honestly have no clue whether she pressed charges or what happened to the creep that drugged her. In retrospect, I likely should have called the police immediately and maybe had them take her to a hospital, but I’d been uncertain enough about my suspicions at first to not be sure I should waste the police time on it, and by the time it became evident, I guess I had already committed to driving her home and didn’t reevaluate my options. That was a clear mistake on my part that I regret now.

But worst of all to me is realizing how close I came to missing the signs. If the creep hadn’t been so certain that, just because I was another guy, I’d be okay with his drugging his date that he went and basically tried to brag about it on his way out, I would have never picked up on it. It’s scary how close he came to getting away with it.

I am the only closing supervisor one weekend. The other supervisor has quit, I am the only one left with nighttime availability on the weekend, and I am — to put it mildly — a bit fried. I am running back and forth between the register (being the only one with keys means only I can do overrides), the sales floor (being the only one with supervisor credentials means only I can do online orders), and the back room (because I’m trying to do the closing chores like locking the dumpster chute). I’m tired, I’m in pain, and I’m in no mood to suffer fools.

And then, the store phone rings.

Me: “Thank you for calling the [Location] of [Our Store]. How can I help you?”

Man: “Good evening, madam! I am [Man] and I am calling from the corporate office.”

Immediately, I’m suspicious. Our corporate office is based three time zones away, and they only call on weekdays between typical office hours, not at 8:00 pm on a Saturday night.

Me: “…uh-huh?”

Man: “‘Uh-huh’? That’s a great attitude to have, b****!”

He hangs up rather violently. I’m left gaping at the phone in my hand, and then I start to laugh. I immediately send a text to my boss.

Text: “Hey, boss, just FYI, someone claiming to be from corporate just called. Pretty sure it’s a scam, but we’re okay. I’ll email you the details when I get home.”

Turns out that some of the other stores in our company had been hit by the same call. The caller cons whoever answers into taking money out of the safe and using it to buy store gift cards, giving the numbers for the gift cards over the phone, and then destroying them.

Apparently, it was our turn, and I’m a b****. I can live with that.

I am a corporate lawyer and used to work for franchisers. Several years ago, one of my client’s franchisees wanted to sell his location and focus on their other two stores, all under the same brand. My client decided to buy the store directly instead of vetting another franchisee to run it. The relationship between my client and that franchisee was great and they kept doing business together for years to come.

As part of the buying process, due diligence had to be made — basically figuring out how much the company was worth, what debts it had, and things like that. My part was to analyze the contracts the company had signed and what lawsuits were filed by/against the company. If they were being sued for 200k, we had to take that into consideration. Usually, the money would be put on hold and released when the lawsuit ended or used to pay it off.

The commercial part of it went extremely well. Everyone knew we were on the same side and were helpful and friendly. When I called their lawyer for the first time, however…

Lawyer: “Hello, [My Name], how are we going to argue today? What will we disagree about today?”

Me: “Hello… We won’t argue about anything. We are going to work together to make this happen the best way possible.”

Lawyer: “I am kidding! I am just joking around. So, what do you need?”

Me: “I need a list of every lawsuit filed against the company or by the company that hasn’t been archived yet. It needs to include [basic information] as the standard in due diligence like this. We will also need it to be signed by you or [Franchisee].”

Lawyer: “Wow, wow, wow! How am I going to remember all that? I also don’t have a list of every lawsuit the company is involved in, and it might take a while to figure it out!”

Me: “I will be sending you all the information needed by email. But what do you mean, you don’t have a list of the lawsuits your client is involved in? Shouldn’t you be keeping track of them regardless of this due diligence?”

Lawyer: “Oh, you know how it is. We just deal with it when it’s time to deal with it.”

Me: “Either way, we need this information, and I was told you were informed of the negotiations a few months ago, so I am sure it won’t take too long for you to compile it. It was nice talking to you. Expect my email in the next few minutes! If you have any questions or issues with it, let me know and we can figure it out.”

The way he spoke was like a used car salesman. I sent him the email and waited. It was the beginning of a week and the deadline was the next Friday. Absolutely nothing was sent. I sent another email, this time copying his boss, asking for an update.

He answered pretending he had already sent it but I somehow lost it. Instead of the list I needed, he wrote in the body of the email some of the information and nothing else. All the lawsuits he included were, as far as I could tell, small claims or lawsuits that the company had started, while I knew there was at least a big one that was filed against them.

I took a deep breath, made an Excel sheet that he could fill, and sent it back to him saying something like:

Me: “As we talked about previously, we need a signed list with [basic information]. To make it easier for you, I am attaching an Excel sheet for you to fill out. Make sure all the information is current and complete, print it, sign it, and send it back. We need this by Monday, as the due date was supposed to be today.”

Monday came. Nothing. Tuesday came. My client and I decided to ignore the lawyer and figure out every lawsuit they were involved in by ourselves. It took way longer to do so, and since they were on good terms with the franchisee, they thought it wasn’t necessary. We emailed the franchisee and informed them that we would need to halt the purchase of the store until we could properly assess the risk that the lawsuits might bring us. When the franchisee emailed us back surprised by it, we sent them the chain of emails and they told us they understood. 

Tuesday afternoon came, and the lawyer sent me an email with the spreadsheet filled but not printed nor signed. Nothing was said in the body of the email. I thanked him and said we would still be checking the lawsuits ourselves and, although I am sure he would be sending the list printed and signed soon, he didn’t need to bother about it any longer.

We did our own check and, big surprise, the lawyer had missed some deadlines and made it so that lawsuits that were basically won had defaulted against the franchisee, making them lose a lot of money. He lost his job and was reported to the bar association.

I work night shifts, so I am usually asleep from around 9:00 am to 4:00 pm, at which point I wake up to run errands before work. I’m not sure if the new year has anything to do with it, but I’ve been getting a lot of calls from car warranty places and other scams. This was a new one.

The phone rings while I’m sleeping. I look at my phone to see “South Dakota Govt” come across the screen and this wakes me up a little more.

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes, this is US customs calling to inform you that we have confiscated one of the packages that was to be delivered to you. In order to clear this up and to pay for your package to be released from us, we need to verify some information. Is this [My Mom]?”

Me: “No. This is [My Name].”

Caller: “Oh. So, this is not [Mom]? Are you sure you are not her?”

This person already sounds suspicious.

Me: “No, I am not.”

Caller: “So, are you Mrs. [My Last Name]?”

Me: “No. I am a Miss [My Last Name], but not that one.”

Caller: “Oh, that is perfectly fine. Can you verify your date of birth for us so we can compare it to the information on the package?”

I’m now very suspicious; what does my date of birth have to do with what’s in a package? They should be verifying my address instead. I pull my phone away from my ear for a moment and look at the number being dialed in. Blinking, I see that it is a cell number from our town.

Me: *Sighing* “No, I won’t be giving you my date of birth. I can see right now that you are calling from a cell number, idiot.”

They hung up.

My coworker and I deliver building supplies to their particular sites. We stop on the road outside of our destination. The site itself has shut the doors off to outsiders, although there are several signs up. On this occasion, I am driving the vehicle and I pull over on the road opposite, as there is no immediate access to the site.

Almost as soon as my coworker pulls the van’s sliding door open I hear him screaming in pain. I come out to see a woman spraying what appears to be mace into his eyes.

Woman: “Get away from me, RAPIST!”

She continues to spray him. I storm up and demand to know what is going on, but she then focuses her attention on me. The mace gets into my eyes and I fall to my knees, almost blind. I feel something heavy whack me in the face and I hear the woman running away, screaming her lungs out.

I stumble around, trying to find the door.

Me: “Call 911!”

There was no need. Some of the builders had heard the commotion and ran to help us. It turned out that the woman had hit me with a tree branch. Luckily, she had whacked me rather than pierced me, or I don’t know what I would have done. My coworker said that all he had done was open the sliding door. He hadn’t even had time to get out before the woman had attacked him. We never saw that woman again.