I am second in a line of taxis at one of the major squares in Copenhagen. Three young men walk up to the first taxi and ask the driver something. After a few seconds, they walk down to my taxi. This is usually a sign that the driver in front has declined whatever their request might be, so I am prepared to also deny their request.

Man #1: “Can we pay with a Visa card?”

Me: “You can, but the taxi in front of me will also accept Visa.”

Man #2: “But do you accept Visa even if it’s a card we have found?”

I declined the fare. I couldn’t help thinking that this criminal career of theirs was still in its infancy and that maybe they would be better off doing something else.

I am the sender of this story. We stopped receiving the fortune teller scam call, but of course, that doesn’t mean we stopped receiving scam calls altogether.

This particular morning, I was at my workplace and it was slowly but surely starting to get busy. I was at the reception of the building, sorting the packages, when the phone rang.

Me: “[Workplace], good morning!”

Scammer: “Hello, this is Windows. Ma’am, please listen: your computer has malware.”

I smile, just as my coworker arrives.

Me: “Malware, reeeeaaaally now?”

Scammer: “Yes, ma’am, I can help—”

Me: *Interrupting* “Oh, please humor me. Please tell me exactly which one of the sixty computers in the building has malware. Pinpoint it for me, will you?”

Coworker: “What do you mean, malware?”

Me: *Loud enough for the scammer to hear* “Nah, don’t worry; it’s a scam call.”

Scammer: *After a pause* “What makes you think it’s a scam call, ma’am?”

Me: “Oh, I know your kind. So, which one of the sixty computers is it?”

Coworker: “[My Name], come on, we have stuff to do.”

Me: *sighing* “Too bad…” *To the scammer* “Sorry, pal, I don’t have as much time on my hands as you do, and I actually have some work to do. However, since you are happy to spend your day on the phone to scam and steal from people, why don’t you just go work in a call center like 911 or other emergency services? You would make money, actually save lives, and be useful for once. Anyway, bye, go bother someone else.”

And I hung up. That’s a shame; I really wanted to hear him try to come up with an answer to which of the non-existent computers it could be.

Related:
What, You Didn’t See That Coming?

I’m an American ex-pat staying in Germany. When discussing different insurance plans with a financial advisor, she mentioned that it might be worth it to add legal insurance for about €15 more a month because legal fees and attorney fees can stack up nightmarishly high for someone who is sued for any reason and loses — for example, €1,000 in a lost lawsuit with €1,500 total in fees between lawyers from both sides along with administrative costs, interpreter costs, etc. I went ahead and had that added to my insurance package, figuring that it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Well, as my luck had it, about four years later, someone actually DID sue me in a contract dispute and, considering the fact that a court interpreter alone was charging €200 PER HOUR for the preliminary hearing, you can imagine how much I thanked myself for listening to that financial advisor!

The lawyer I chose to defend me ironically turned out to be the highlight of the story. When I first brought the case to him:

Lawyer: “Oh, yeah, I can take this one!” *Reading further* “Yeah, I’ll make the plaintiff look like a clown. The judge will laugh him out of the courtroom. I’ll take your case!”

But two days before the court date to give the oral arguments, he sent me an email:

Lawyer: “I’m sorry, I had a second look at your case. There is no way you are going to win this because . Sorry.”

The court date came and he did not show up. It got worse from there.

Judge: “I gave you a deadline to present your full defense in writing. Because you made no response at all, I am entering a default judgment of €400 against you.”

Me: “Nobody told me about needing to submit a defense in writing or about any deadline!”

Judge: “It was sent to your lawyer. You will need to discuss that with him. Please leave the courtroom.”

Obviously, I was now fuming as I had to pay the plaintiff €400. Later, the bills from his attorney and the court came in the mail, and laughably, my attorney mailed me a bill, as well, for €400. I paid them all off and sent copies of the bills to my legal insurance company, which fully reimbursed me (less the €100 deductible).

The following weeks, I thought continuously about how my lawyer had screwed me over by saying he could help me when he apparently knew the case was a no-go, deliberately failing to tell me about the deadline he was given to make a written defense first, ditching me at the last second, and cashing in on it in the end (regardless of whether I was reimbursed). I did some research and found the German version of a lawyers’ bar association, and I wrote to them explaining his unethical behavior.

Weeks later, they sent me a copy of a response letter he sent them after having been presented with my complaint.

Lawyer: *Summarily* “There was a big misunderstanding, blah blah blah, this case was a complete loss. I tried to explain that to him, etc. The €400 I billed was for the time I spent on the case plus the consultation fees. I have records of how I was billing him, blah blah blah, I didn’t try to rip him off, etc.”

And here is where my jaw dropped:

Lawyer: “To settle this amicably before it turns nasty, I would like to offer to settle this by refunding him the full €400 I charged him, as well as paying half of his default judgment for a total of €600 if he agrees to close this complaint.”

My grin was so wide my cheeks hurt. To this day, I still crack up at the thought of the lawyer ultimately paying ALL the money I was out… all because he tried to be slick and make an easy €400 doing nothing.

I was looking at Facebook when my friend’s grandma sent me a friend request. I didn’t read her warning that she was being scammed and that you shouldn’t accept her request. I accepted it anyway, and we hopped right onto the chat.

Scammer: “Hello.”

Me: “Hi?”

Scammer: “Have you heard the news?”

Me: “What news?”

Scammer: “The Federal Agent FBI news.”

I knew at once this was a scammer, so I decided to play around with them.

Me: “No, I haven’t. What is the news?”

Scammer: “They have warned everyone in your State about your Credit Card Number being stolen. I am here to ensure that your Credit Card Number is safe. To verify, inform me of your Credit Card Number and we will prevent it from getting stolen.”

Me: “I see. And, what would my state be?”

Scammer: “Um… Kentucky?”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s not my state.”

The scammer didn’t completely give up.

Scammer: “That is beside the point! Your Credit Card is at risk. To keep it safe, inform me of its number so we can help.”

Me: “Yes, I see. But why are you claiming to be a credit card specialist when it says you are my best friend’s grandma? Do you think I don’t know that you’re a scammer?”

There’s a pause in replies for a moment.

Scammer: “Ma’am, I am trying to help you.”

Me: “Sir, I am a lawyer, so please tell me your location and I will get police on the spot.”

The scammer disappeared. I couldn’t help but laugh; I am actually a lawyer.

I was working at our store’s online order pickup counter when a very elderly man came to pick up $300 of iTunes gift cards. I thought it was odd, as the phone in his hand wasn’t even an iPhone, but I figured maybe it was a gift for his grandkids and let it go. He came back the next day to pick up $300 more in iTunes gift cards, so I went ahead and asked some more questions.

Customer: “I need these gift cards to unlock my computer! It has some kind of bug!”

Me: “Okay. I’m going to cancel this order and get your $300 back, and then you’re going to go get your computer and bring it to [Tech Team] to fix it.”

The poor dude was so grateful that he brought us all cookies when it was said and done.