Cats Have Nine-One-One Lives

, , , , | Legal | December 17, 2018

A few days ago I accidentally left my phone at home, face up on my bed. I finally got home late in the evening and noticed I had several missed calls and a voicemail.

I listened to the voicemail, and it turned out to be a call-back from a 911 operator! “Hello, this is 911. We have received several hang-ups from this phone number. Please give us a call back at 911 or [local police department’s number].”

I was confused, as I obviously hadn’t been home to make those calls, and there weren’t just one or two calls… There were a total of six calls made throughout the day to 911.

I can only conclude my cats called 911 to report abuse for “never feeding” them!

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Didn’t Pass The Scamming Test

, , , , | Legal | December 16, 2018

(I work at a professional test center, the kind that does expensive medical and financial certification exams and GREs, among others. Our phone system is busted right now, so only one handset rings when someone calls. It has been ringing more than usual today, but I’ve been too busy to pick up until this call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company Branch]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: *female voice, skeptical* “Hi. You said [Company]; where exactly am I calling?”

Me: *confused* “Um… This is [Company], the testing center? Do you have an exam scheduled for tomorrow? We generally do courtesy reminder calls the day before…”

Caller: “No, I do not, I just got disconnected from a call from this number. He was asking about my child taking the SAT, and hung up when I refused to give him my VISA number. I called the number back, and that’s you.”

Me: “Wait, what? Ma’am, we haven’t called out in about three hours; you’re sure this was the number?”

Caller: “I’m positive; I just called the number right back.”

Me: “Okay, we don’t give the SAT here. We do have two exams we give to minors, but that’s not one of them, and anyway, we don’t take payment over the phone at this number. That sounds like a scammer spoofed the call with this number.”

Caller: “I thought something was off about that, especially when he started asking about my credit card. I’m glad I checked.”

Me: “Yeah, ma’am, that was definitely a scammer. That was not [Company]. Have a nice evening.”

Caller: “You, too!”

(I fielded three calls from parents who’d been called by the scammer using our number that night before clocking out. This was just the first!)

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Black Friday Ends Up Still In The Red By Way Of Customers’ Blood

, , , , , | Legal | December 15, 2018

I’m in the stockroom just before close on the day after Black Friday, prepping restock with my overnight staff. Suddenly, the doors slam open and a customer’s shopping cart appears, pushed by a younger teenage boy. Another two teen boys are standing in the cart. One is banging two pot lids together like cymbals; the other has a funnel to his mouth making noises like a trumpet. They circle a pole and head back to the sales floor. I immediately call the manager, who has already seen them and called in mall security.

I head out to the sales floor to meet the manager. As I approach him, we see the three boys rounding a corner, two still standing in the cart playing their “instruments.” They see us, laugh, and the boy pushing the cart starts to run. They smash through the door to the back room again, and a second later we hear a huge crash. The shopping cart has hit an empty pallet the boys didn’t see lying on the floor, and the two standing boys have been thrown out of the cart and into our corner belt, which slams into a nearby employee. Both boys are injured, one actually breaking his wrist, the other splitting open his forehead and breaking a tooth, bleeding everywhere.

Security arrives a few moments later and calls for an ambulance, and tries to ask the boys where their parents are. The boy who was pushing the cart says they were with his mother, but he has no idea where she is. He does know her cell phone number, though. She is called; she is all the way across the mall, and says she will come over once she is done shopping!

We see her coming, and she looks rather calm and smug until she goes outside. Her son is in the back of a police car along with the boy with the chipped tooth. The boy with the broken wrist is in the back of an ambulance about to pull away. The mother freaks out, crying and screaming, demanding that the kid in the ambulance not be taken to the hospital! The cops then reveal that they found shoplifted items in the pockets of two of the boys, including her son, taken from a different store, so they are going to be taken in.

The whole time her son is blubbering, “We just made a parade! It was a parade!”

There are threats of a lawsuit, but the videos basically make them drop the case entirely. We have to call someone in specially to clean up the blood, and the whole thing sets our restock back by a few hours.

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Innocent Until They Prove Themselves Guilty

, , , , | Legal | December 14, 2018

(This story was told to me by a friend who has jury duty for a trial against a man facing several burglary charges. The trial and presentation of evidence go by as you’d expect from any trial. Afterwards, the judge thanks everyone for attending and instructs the jury to deliberate, with any further courses of action to be discussed after that. Then the judge asks if anyone has any questions. The defendant immediately puts his hand up and asks this gem.)

Defendant: “Yeah, so, if I’m found innocent, does… does that mean I get to keep the stuff I took?”

(His lawyer put his head in his hands, as the judge and jury struggled to hold back laughter. It took less than five minutes to convict him.)

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Should Just STOP Talking

, , , | Legal | December 13, 2018

(My dad is turning left onto a road with three lanes going each way. As he makes it into the middle, he suddenly gets T-boned. The police are called and question the other driver.)

Cop: “Why did you keep driving into the intersection even though the light was red?”

Driver: “Well, I couldn’t figure out why everyone was stopped, so I went into the turning lane to go around them, and all of a sudden this guy was in the road and I hit him.”

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