(I’m female.)

Employee #1: “Name?”

Me: “Sam.”

(I see him write exactly “Sam” on my order ticket. After a while, “Samantha” is called. I ignore it. “Sam” is called a bit later. I walk up.)

Me: “Collecting my order for Sam, please.”

Employee #2: “Okay, here’s your [not my order].”

Me: “Oh, I ordered [my order].”

Male Customer: “[Not my order] is mine.”

Me: “Same name, sorry.”

(I start to walk away.)

Employee #2: “Wait, [my order] is under Samantha.”

(I noticed that on the order ticket, “antha,” was added, in different handwriting. I think they tried to prevent same-name confusion by assuming the female Sam would just respond to Samantha. I have never gone by that, nor is that my legal name.)

A few years ago, I had my name legally changed, only keeping my last name. Shortly after, I went to the liquor store. Since I’d only become legal the year before, the cashier did their duty and carded me. I presented my two pieces of ID, bought my beer, and went home.

Later, I was going through my wallet and realized I had accidentally put in my old medical card instead of my new one. So, I had presented two pieces of ID with two completely different names, and the cashier hadn’t batted an eye.

Related:
Has ID, Has An Idea

(One day, none of our emails seems to be sending. We’ve lost the connection on the modem, and can’t reconnect. I check the phone lines and everything seems fine, so I phone the London IT Helpdesk.)

Tech: “Yeah, the email system went down overnight. We’re trying to fix it, but we need to recall the backup tapes, so it’ll be at least a few hours before anything is back online.”

Me: “Okay, no worries. I’ll let you go; you’re probably really busy.”

Tech: “Yeah, everyone keeps phoning us to ask why email isn’t working. Did you not get the alert we sent out?”

Me: “The alert that goes via email?”

(A pause. I can almost hear the cogs whirring in the young man’s head.)

Tech: “Oh, my God. That was dumb, wasn’t it? We’ll put an alert up on the intranet page!”

Me: “Good idea.”

(As I hung up, I heard him shouting to his boss, “Why did we email the bloody alert?!”)

Related:
Email Fail, Part 17
Email Fail, Part 16
Email Fail, Part 15

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. Can I have the spelling of your first and last name?”

Caller: *begins yelling in a strong accent and never lowers his voice* “I’m only going to give you this once, so open your ears and don’t mess up.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “Don’t interrupt me.” *gives name*

Me: “And your call back number in the event we get disconnected.”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Your zip code and county.”

Caller: “Why do you need this; you have my case in front of you.”

Me: “No, I’m looking at a blank screen. I need to verify your information to pull up your case.”

Caller: *gives zip, county, and date of birth*

Me: “May I have your SSN?”

Caller: “I’m only saying this once, understand?” *gives it in one breath, way too quick to enter*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that was much too fast for me; if you want assistance, I need you to repeat that slowly and clearly.”

Caller: “I never asked for a SSN when I came here; why should I have to provide it? You people forced me to get this SSN; I don’t even want it. That’s the problem with America: you people with the government are the devil. I’m not giving you my social again.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, I could have already had your case up and be helping you. Please repeat the social, slowly.”

(I get the case up, and advise the consumer that he needs to submit a copy of his social security card or naturalization certificate to verify his immigration status. This leads to the client yelling at me as to how he hates the United States, our government, our blonde girls with blue eyes, and the health insurance company, how he never needed to apply for insurance in Iran, how our military is awful, etc. I’m bored, and I already had a bad call before this one. After ten minutes of not talking and listening to his yelling, I decide I’m just going to remain on the line and let him yell, with my headset on the table. I check back to hear him still yelling every few minutes. He doesn’t curse or use any threatening language, so I can’t just disconnect. After a while, he mentions that he is Muslim, and that the only reason we need documentation is because our government classifies anyone who practices the religion as a terrorist.)

Me: “Sir, Assalamualaikum.” *”peace be unto you” in Arabic* “I’m Muslim.” *a lie to settle him down*

Caller: *stops yelling* “Mualaikumsalam.” *”peace be also with/upon you”*

Me: “Okay. Just to let you know, you’re speaking with a call-center employee. I’m not a government official. I understand how it is overseas; I apologize that you are not happy, but in order for the insurance to be active, you must submit documents.”

Caller: “How are you working for this company? They do not hire people like us.”

Me: “Religion and race have nothing to do with it, sir. Nowhere on my application did I need to say I’m Muslim. Our call center is very diverse, and I work with people of every culture and ethnicity. I sit next to a Polish man, Jamaican woman, Arab, etc. They don’t discriminate here.”

(The caller attempted to keep complaining about our government. He mentioned that he is not a terrorist, and that after one of his calls last week, someone called him a terrorist and disconnected the call. This is extremely unprofessional, and something we are NOT allowed to do. I asked to place him on a hold so I could verify this and check the notes. I found out that day that I work with a lot of racists. There were 20 notes from employees. Three put, “client is irate, disconnected the call due to inappropriate language.” The other 17 stated that the client was a terrorist, needed mental help, was a threat to the USA, and “is un-American, and if he continues to disrespect our great country, I would disconnect call.” The last rep he spoke with stated that he needed to be investigated by the FBI immediately. They also took the client’s address, and called the FBI on him and reported him as a terrorist. The client had his door knocked in by SWAT. After checking back with the costumer, I advised him that I didn’t think he was a terrorist. I told him what to do to get insurance active, and told him I had a few complaints to put through against the previous representatives he’d spoken to. He thanked me, apologized for yelling, and disconnected.)

(The apartment complex I live in requires us to have renter’s insurance, and to provide a copy of our insurance documents for the main office to keep on file. I get home from work one day, and there’s a message on my answering machine from the office, saying they need a copy of my renter’s insurance policy. My policy runs from December to December, so I’m thinking they must have lost it, since I took it to them the previous December. I make a copy and take it to the office the next morning.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name], and I got a call you needed this.”

(I hand the employee the copy of my policy.)

Employee: *looks at it* “No, we need next year’s.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Employee: “This one is expired.”

Me: “No, it’s not. See?” *points to dates at the top* “It expires in December. We’re in September. It’s still valid for three more months.”

Employee: “Well, we need next year’s.”

Me: “I don’t have next year’s, yet. It’s only September. I won’t renew it until December. I’ll bring it to you then.”

Employee: “Other residents have brought us next year’s.”

Me: “Well, sure. If their policies are a year like mine and they renewed in, say, July, then yes, it would cover until July of next year. But mine is good through December. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

Employee: “You need to contact your insurance agent and get next year’s. We need it.”

Me: “My insurance agent will send me the renewal in November, like he has every year for the last eight years, and I will bring you the copy in December once I’ve paid it, like I have for the last eight years. I don’t know what else to tell you. You’ll get it in December. I can’t bring you something I don’t have.”

Employee: “I’ll have to contact the corporate office. You’re in violation of your lease agreement.”

Me: *as I turn to leave* “Oh, trust me; I’m not.”

(Never did hear anything from the corporate office. In December, when I renewed my policy I took a copy to the office, like I always do, every year. I did not see that employee.)