(I work at a fairly new nice French restaurant. Chef comes to the dining area to interact with the customers; he has an obvious French accent.)

Chef: “Hi, ladies, how was everything?”

Customer: “The food was delicious. Where did you learn to cook?”

Chef: “Well, I was born in France and went to school there.”

Customer: “Really? Do you speak French? I mean, I know everyone in Europe speaks English, but do you know French?”

Chef: *walks away disgusted*

Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like some baked chicken.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only have fried chicken.”

Customer: “How about roasted chicken?”

Me: “No, we only have fried chicken.”

Customer: “How about broasted… boasted chicken?”

(Yes, she actually said boasted chicken.)

Me: “No, ma’am, all we have is plain old fried chicken.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *leaves*

Boss: “Hey, don’t call the chicken old.”

Me: *facepalm*

This story is part of the Chicken roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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(Keep in mind, this customer comes in about ten times a day. He’s insane and you never know what you will get from this guy.)

Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

Me: “Okay. That will be thirteen fifty.”

Customer: *hands me money* “Yabba dabba.”

Me: “You don’t say?”

Customer: *angrily* “Yabba dabba!”

Me: “Doo. Have a good day.”

Customer: *happy now* “YABBA DABBA!!!!” *leaves*

(He came back about two hours later, talking regularly like nothing happened.)

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Me: “Good morning, [Homes Office].”

Customer: *with really thick accent* “How much is house?”

Me: “Which home is that? Would you like to speak with a Realtor?”

Customer: “No, how much is house? House?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot tell you that without an address–and in any case, you need to speak with a Realtor.”

Customer: “House! How much is house?!”

Me: “More than a couch, less than a rocket ship. Have a nice day!”

(I work for an online traffic school and for some of the counties, we need them to put answers to security questions.

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hey, it says that I missed a security question and that I need to call this number to continue.”

Me: “Okay, what question did you miss?”

Caller: “I missed what is my favorite animal.”

(I get his personal information and look up his answer.)

Me: “Sir, the answer we have here says ‘p*ssy.’ You are aware that this is also the same answer you have for… your favorite food?”

Caller: *click*