(To reduce strain on my back, I often kneel down while reshelving books on the lowest shelves in the library. Whilst I am doing so, a woman — who must be in her 60s or 70s — has been browsing the fiction section, and she walks past me.)
Elderly Woman: “The best place to be is on your knees.”
(I don’t know if it was a poor choice of words, or if she’d actually intended it for it to sound like it sounded, but either way I was left at a loss for words at her remark; my colleagues, on the other hand, had a good laugh.)
(I am the bad customer in this story. I am living in France for the year and, while I speak French fairly well, IT terminology is beyond me. I have called tech support, and the following takes place in French.)
Tech Support Guy: “Please click the ‘Start’ button.”
Me: “‘Start’? I don’t know what that is.”
Tech Support Guy: “Is your computer turned off?”
Me: *proudly turns computer off* “Yep!”
(That guy deserved a medal for not hanging up the phone.)
(I am in maths class. We are learning about algebraic equations.)
Teacher: “…12 equals 4q.”
Student #1: *sniggers* “4q…”
Class: *giggling*
Teacher: “What? Oh… 4q…”
Class: *laughing*
Student #2: “I don’t get it.”
(And that is how the maths teacher ended up having to explain how to swear to a student.)
Our department is horribly understaffed, and has been all day. My coworker and only coverage comes up and asks me if he can leave ten minutes early to catch his bus; I haven’t yet had my first break and need to go before he leaves.
As I turn to check the computer at our desk for the time, I spot a couple obviously waiting for help. I try to do three things at once: let my coworker know I need a break before he can go, greet the customer, and check the time.
What I end up doing is turning to the customer with a giant smile on my face and proclaiming in my cheeriest customer service voice, “Hi, what time is it?”
Fortunately, they thought it was funny.
(I’m putting a splint on a patient who broke his thumb working on heavy machinery. I’m trying to keep him talking to help with the pain.)
Me: “So, how did you get into this kind of work?”
Patient: “F*** if I know… Oh, sorry!”
Me: “I don’t mind; this is a f****** ER.”
Patient: *laughs*
