Youth In Asia

, , | Right | January 15, 2008

(A woman came up to my register today and began putting her items up on the counter. All of a sudden, she stopped to listen to the pet store advertisements that we have playing all day in the store. The ad mentioned donations would prevent unnecessary euthanasia in animals at shelters.)

Woman: “What would they do with the euthanasia?”

Me: “The donations would help animals find homes so they wouldn’t use euthanasia unless it was absolutely necessary.”

Woman: “What do euthanasia have to do with it?”

Me: “Well, euthanasia means putting them to sleep.”

Woman: “They’re killed?”

Me: “Essentially.”

Woman: “I thought that was just a rumor.”

Me: “…what?”

Woman: “So do they eat them?”

Me: *so confused* “…the vets?”

Woman: “No. The kids.”

Me, perplexed: “…kids?”

Woman: “In Asia!”

(Then I realized that she meant youth in Asia. Not, euthanasia. And here I thought that mistake was only made on TV. Wow.)

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Speaking Stupidese

, , | Right | January 13, 2008

(A customer comes in and goes to a display rack of boots.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Where are the boxes with all the shoes in them?”

Me: “…”

Her Friend: “She means, do you have these boots in a size 8…”

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You Know You’ve Had Too Much To Drink When…

, , , | Right | January 12, 2008

Customer: “I’ll have a margarita, please.”

(I get a margarita and serve it to the woman.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss? Can I please have another margarita? This one doesn’t have enough quatilia in it.”

Me: “Ma’am, your drink is strong, I can guarantee it.”

Customer: “How do you know there is enough quatilia in this?”

Me: “Because you said, ‘Quatilia.'”

Customer: “Yeah, and?”

Me: “It’s called ‘tequila.'”

(The customer’s face turned a nice shade of crimson.)


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Those Oh-So Subtle Distinctions

, , , | Right | January 10, 2008

Me: “Hello, ma’am, is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “Yes. I need to find a book on rodents.”

Me: “Rodents?”

Customer: “Yes, I have some little creature running around my garage and I need to know what it is. I think it might be a vulva.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “You know, it’s small and looks like a mole or a hamster. A vulva.”

Me: “I think you mean a ‘vole’.”

Customer: “Oh right, that’s it. Do you have any books on voles?”


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More Slippage

, , | Right | January 3, 2008

(I am working another very long day right after “March of the Penguins” has come out, stuck in the box office, when a sweet-looking little old lady and her sweet little old lady friend walked up to the window.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Old Lady: “Hello, sweetie. I’d like one senior for March of the Penises.”

Friend: “Oh, my God…”

(Shocked, the second old lady puts her hand up to her mouth and whispers to her friend.)

Me: “I think you might have the wrong theater…”


This story is part of our Shocking Old People roundup!

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