Vague & Vaguerer

, , , | Right | September 3, 2008

Me: “Good morning, [Homes Office].”

Customer: *with really thick accent* “How much is house?”

Me: “Which home is that? Would you like to speak with a Realtor?”

Customer: “No, how much is house? House?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot tell you that without an address–and in any case, you need to speak with a Realtor.”

Customer: “House! How much is house?!”

Me: “More than a couch, less than a rocket ship. Have a nice day!”

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Not Quite The Car’s Meow

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2008

(I work for an online traffic school and for some of the counties, we need them to put answers to security questions.

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hey, it says that I missed a security question and that I need to call this number to continue.”

Me: “Okay, what question did you miss?”

Caller: “I missed what is my favorite animal.”

(I get his personal information and look up his answer.)

Me: “Sir, the answer we have here says ‘p*ssy.’ You are aware that this is also the same answer you have for… your favorite food?”

Caller: *click*

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Citizens Of Puooiam, The Customer Is Always Right

, , | Right | September 1, 2008

Me: “… we will pick you up at the Pulliam airport.”

Customer: “How do you spell Pulliam?”

Me: “P as in Paul, U as Umbrella, L as in Lily–”

Customer: “Lily doesn’t start with O. You meant to say Oscar.”

Me: “But the letter is L. As in Lily, Lock, Luke…”

Customer: “None of those words start with O.”

Me: “You’re right… anyway, it’s spelled it PULLIAM.”

Customer: “You mean PUOOIAM.”

Me: “Sure…”

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The Devil Is In The De-Tails

, , , , , | Right | August 29, 2008

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to make an appointment for a dismemberment.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I want to bring in my dog for a dismemberment!”

Me: “Oh! You must mean a distemper shot.”

Customer: “Yes! Now, when can I get my dog dismembered?”


This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

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Bananas For Vanana

, , , , | Right | August 26, 2008

Me: “Welcome to [Ice Cream Shop]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like some banana ice cream.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(She pays and leaves. A moment later, she storms in, literally pushing people out of the way.)

Customer: “This is not what I ordered!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ll be happy to change that for you.”

Customer: “You better!”

Me: “So, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Banana ice cream.”

Me: “Banana? That’s what I served you earlier. Is that not banana?”

Customer: “No. I said banana!”

Me: “Yes, banana.”

Customer:: “You taste it! It’s not banana! I said banana!

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be happy to give you a new bowl. Perhaps, since we mix our own ice cream, the banana taste wasn’t mixed all the way through.”

Customer: “Listen, I said banana, not banana!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “BANANA BANANA BANANA!”

Me: “Banana?”

(Suddenly, her B’s turn into V’s…)

Customer: “Vanana!”

Me: “Oh, my God. Vanilla?”

Customer: “Yes, you dumb, b****! VANANA!”


This story is part of our Ice Cream roundup!

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