I am working as a reporter for a daily newspaper near a large military base. I am working the morning shift after a night of storms and I take a call from a reader.

Me: “Good morning, [Newspaper], this is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hi. I was looking through the paper and couldn’t find Dear Abby anywhere.”

Me: “Hmm, give me a moment.”

I grab a copy of the day’s paper and flip through it. Indeed, there is no “Dear Abby” this edition.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it doesn’t look like we included it today. We had a lot of breaking news to include about the storms last night.”

Caller: “This is just ridiculous.”

The caller then launches into a rant about how she doesn’t understand how our paper was ranked as high as it was in a recent annual newspaper competition because we didn’t print “Dear Abby” to make room for breaking news.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we had to make room for news following the storm.”

I am trying to emphasize “news” in my apology to the caller.

Caller: “I’ve lived in some big cities, and you don’t even have a science page. I want to cancel my subscription!”

There is no significant science news in our area, but we do post such news on national and international coverage pages.

Me: “Okay, let me transfer you to that office.”

Turns out, callers threatening to cancel their subscription because of “Dear Abby” being cut is rather common!

There is a heatwave going on and the water companies have asked people to preserve water; don’t waste it. I’m in my garden reading a book when I overhear my neighbours talking. 

Neighbour #1: “Are you filling the kiddie pool?”

Neighbour #2: “Yes, the water was dirty.”

Neighbour #1: “We changed the water yesterday!”

Neighbour #2: “Well, it was dirty.”

Neighbour #1: “We are supposed to preserve water!”

Neighbour #2: “Oh, don’t worry. I’m using a water-saving hose attachment!”

I could hear his facepalm. It was an actual, loud slap. For those who need extra information: with or without a water-saving attachment, the volume of water will remain the same.

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My dad works at a coffee shop in New Hampshire, where we live. Once, he told me this story after coming home from a long day at work. Keep in mind that this is in the middle of winter in New England, so there’s a lot of snow and we try to control it.

The employees were closing up the store, but it was about five minutes to when it actually closed so they still had new customers. My dad was mopping around the front area when a lady walked in.

She walked in. Her boots were covered in snow.

She walked past the mats by the door and abruptly stomped off her boots right where the rug stopped and my dad was mopping.

Why?!

I am eight and a half months pregnant. Due to a snowstorm last night, my employees are running behind, so I am opening the shop myself. The client is still about a half-hour early.

Me: “Good morning, Mr. [Customer]. How are you?”

Customer: “I would be better if I didn’t have to walk through all this snow.” 

Me: “I know that was quite a storm—”

He cuts me off.

Customer: “You know, you really need to be out there shoveling this mess! You have women and the elderly coming in and they shouldn’t have to walk through all of that.”

Me: “I understand and apologize. My staff are on their way, and because of the roads, they are running late. Also, I have doctor’s orders not to lift or do shoveling.”

Customer: “Still, you need to go out there and clear that; someone could get hurt and you’ll get sued.”

He hands me the leash and says the usual and leaves. An hour later, he comes to retrieve his dog. As he pays:

Customer: “You know, as the business owner, I really shouldn’t tip you, but here’s $5 anyway.”

Me: “Thank you, I do appreciate it, though tipping is not required.”

The customer grunted and walked out the door.

I’m a cashier working at a chain store in a small town. A massive storm system that spawned multiple deadly tornadoes ripped through the region two days ago. We’re asking for donations to help those in my county who’ve suffered most from the storm.

Me: “Hello, would you like to donate to the tornado relief effort tonight?”

Customer: “No! They have insurance.”