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Build Up Of Hot Air

, , , , | Right | November 11, 2010

(Our store is mostly outdoors, but it has a small greenhouse where cafe customers often sit and have coffee.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I would like to sit in the greenhouse. Could you open a vent for me?”

Me: “Actually, when it’s windy like today it rattles a lot when the doors are open, so you might be more comfortable with them closed.”

Customer: “But we can’t sit in there without ventilation. What about the greenhouse gas?!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Greenhouse gas! Like global warming! You can’t let people sit in there if you’re letting the greenhouse gas build up!”


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Yukon Freeze It

, , , , , | Right | August 19, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cell Phone Company] customer service. How can I help you?”

Caller: “You sound different. Where are you from?”

Me: “Canada. Is there something I can help you with?”

Caller: “Canada? How big is the igloo you work in?”

Me: “Sir, we don’t live in igloos. In fact, it’s about 40˚ here at the moment.”

Caller: “40˚ is freezing!”

Me: “40˚ Celsius. That’s 104˚ Fahrenheit.”

Caller: “Oh, my god, how do you keep your igloos from melting?!”


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Naturally Stupid, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | July 21, 2010

Caller: “I can’t access [Cable Channel]!”

Me: “Okay, let me assess your problem. When was the last time you tried to access [Channel]?”

Caller: “It was last night.”

Me: “All right, was there any out-of-the-ordinary weather last night? Say, like a storm?”

Caller: “Yeah, there was a thunderstorm. I had nothing to do, so I was trying to watch [Channel], but it wouldn’t let me! It was all fuzzy on the screen.”

Me: “Sir, I think the thunderstorm interfered with your television power lines, which is why you couldn’t access your channel.”

Caller: “But I thought your cable company was supposed to make me able to watch any channel in any weather! That’s the whole reason I switched!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, nothing can prevent Mother Nature. When she strikes, we cannot do anything to bring back channels that may have been lost momentarily.”

Caller: “Who’s ‘Mother Nature’? Is she the one sabotaging my TV?!”


This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!

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Uphill Struggle

, , , | Right | July 15, 2010

(I am providing a guided skiing tour of the mountain.)

Customer: “So, where are we going next?”

Me: “Well, do you see that lift over there?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well, we’re going to head up that one until we reach the top of the mountain, and then–”

Customer: “Are you kidding? It’ll be cold up there, and we’ll just have to ski back down again!”


This story is part of the More Clueless Tourists roundup!

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When Judgment Is Clouded

, , , , | Right | May 18, 2010

(We give weather forecast information for Royal Air Force aircrew officers for fast jet flying.)

Caller #1: “Hi, this is flying officer [Caller] with [Squadron]. I need the weather for five hours’ time on the west coast.”

Me: “So, that’s the forecast pressure, wind, and cloud cover?”

Caller #1: “No, I don’t want the forecast conditions. I want the actual weather for five hours ahead.”

Me: “I can only do actuals for what hasn’t happened, but I can give my best forecast.”

Caller #1: “No, that’s not good enough. I don’t want forecasts. I want to know what’s going to actually happen!”

(Someone else takes the call.)

Caller #2: “Hi, this is [Squadron] navigator. Sorry about that. Can I get the forecast conditions for him, please?”


This story is part of our Chilly Weather Roundup!

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