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If You Can’t Stand The Heat, Get Out Of The Solar System

, , , , | Right | April 14, 2009

(This exchange happened while I was taking tickets at the entrance to the park.)

Customer: “You have a very serious problem with your lines.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, what was the problem?”

Customer: “I have been standing out here for twenty minutes in the sun waiting to get into the park. You need to do something about that sun… turn it down or something.”

Me: “Ma’am… I’m very sorry you were uncomfortable, but I really have no control over the sun.”

Customer: “You can’t just turn it down? Who can I talk to around here to get something done about this?”

Me: “You can go talk to Human Resources, ma’am… but I really don’t think they’ll be able to control the sun either.”

Customer: *storms off*

Customer #2: *walking up* “So… what’s it like controlling the weather?”


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Soggy Software

, , , | Right | March 9, 2009

(This call came in shortly after Hurricane Katrina.)

Customer: “My computer isn’t working.”

Me: “It’s not working, or your service isn’t working?”

Customer: “My computer itself will not turn on.”

Me: “Well, since it’s not a service-related problem, I can’t really help you with fixing it. When was the last time it worked?”

Customer: “Well, we had to evacuate for a few days, and then we came back to clean up. I fished the computer out of the swimming pool and let it dry out, then got it hooked back up.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s not gonna work.”


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Your Forecast For Today: Dark

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Technical Support]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I have this error stuck on my TV screen — ‘Acquiring Satellite Signal.’  How do I fix this?”

Me: “I show from your account info that your area is undergoing a hurricane. Are you having bad weather now?”

Customer: “It’s raining and windy.”

Me: “Well, the rain and cloud cover are going to block your signal until the storm passes. The weather reports show that this is a major storm; have you considered evacuating for your own safety?”

Customer: *angrily* “How do I know if I need to evacuate when the TV only shows me this ERROR?!”

Beefed-Up Technology

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2009

(I am a customer at a cell phone store, observing the following exchange.)

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but your phone has water damage, which isn’t covered by the warranty. You will have to purchase a new phone.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I haven’t gotten the phone wet!”

Employee: “Have you used the phone in the rain? Sometimes, that’s all it takes to get the internals wet enough to damage the device.”

Customer: “Well, yes, but that doesn’t make any sense! Cows are in the rain all the time and they don’t die!”

Employee: “…”

Me: *interjecting* “Sir, cows aren’t electronic devices.”

Customer: *storms out*

Of Mountains And Molehills

, , | Right | October 3, 2008

(It’s wintertime and the car wash is shut down because it tends to freeze below a certain temperature.)

Customer: “Why is the car wash closed?”

Me: “It’s below 20 degrees. It has to be closed or it’ll freeze.”

Customer: “But I just bought a car wash and now I can’t wash my car!”

Me: “Those car washes don’t expire. You can use it when the weather warms up a little bit.”

Customer: “The g**d*** car wash is always closed! EVERY TIME I COME IN HERE, THE CAR WASH IS CLOSED! IT’S ALWAYS–”

Me: “HEY!”

Customer: *backs up, surprised*

Me: “It’s just a car wash.”

Customer: *walks out in a huff*


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